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Started By
Message
re: Divorced people with kids, how did you rationalize “your happiness” over your child’s?
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:58 pm to BrohemAlem11
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:58 pm to BrohemAlem11
quote:
Like I said...he's not an awful person, he was just never cut out to have a family.
My Dad left, married another and had two kids with his new wife. Half Brother and Sister are both college grads. He’s a status type guy who likes checking boxes (4 cars), and new wife is a stay at home Mom for almost 30 years. But he could only stay for 2 before.
1
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:03 pm to Kujo
Ex made that decision for everyone.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:03 pm to Kujo
quote:the post in the OP makes a lot more sense now.
When honestly we are all just insignificant people
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:05 pm to noonan
Yeah, most divorces are filed by women, and the vast majority do not involve abuse or infidelity. In general, those women are emotionally unfulfilled. They had unrealistic expectations for marriage and don't feel in love with their husbands anymore.
That's way, way too many divorces.
That's way, way too many divorces.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:05 pm to Kujo
quote:
Explain how you rationalized that splitting up is best for your child.
There will be some lame excuses here that still just come back to selfishness.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:07 pm to shel311
quote:
When honestly we are all just insignificant people
the post in the OP makes a lot more sense now.
Prop stop type people think they are the shite!
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:10 pm to imjustafatkid
The conventional wisdom is that it's worse for kids to grow up with parents who hate each other. Which may be true, but it also skips over the reality that a lot of those parents are immature and selfish which contributes to said hatred.
I do feel for the parents who try but are at the complete mercy of their spouse's poor behavior, but I think that's an exception, not the rule.
I do feel for the parents who try but are at the complete mercy of their spouse's poor behavior, but I think that's an exception, not the rule.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:11 pm to Kujo
Well in my case it wasn’t my call. I was happy knowing that my life was going to revolve around my kids because my marriage was love-less. My ex, on the other hand, was/is a self-absorbed, self-centered women who was/is only concerned about her happiness….or what she perceived as happiness. Honestly, I don’t think she’s ever achieved actual happiness but that’s another story for another day.
About 2 months after we were officially separated, my 5 yo daughter had open house at her new school. When we left, my ex and daughter were in one vehicle, and I was in my vehicle. My daughter was full blown crying reaching for me through the window. I would have agreed to marry satan to have her not be so upset but the ex kept on cruising never missing a beat.
About 2 months after we were officially separated, my 5 yo daughter had open house at her new school. When we left, my ex and daughter were in one vehicle, and I was in my vehicle. My daughter was full blown crying reaching for me through the window. I would have agreed to marry satan to have her not be so upset but the ex kept on cruising never missing a beat.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:13 pm to Kujo
quote:
My parents split up and I thought it was normal,
Then your thread is actually making a great case for sticking it out for the kids because you're coming across as a jackass.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:21 pm to Kujo
When I got divorced my kids began to excel. Better grades. Better attitude. Staying in a toxic relationship is no way to teach kids how a family unit operates.
My ex started using drugs, going out and cheating.
A single dad is better than a bunch of BS.
My ex started using drugs, going out and cheating.
A single dad is better than a bunch of BS.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:21 pm to go_tigres
quote:
About 2 months after we were officially separated, my 5 yo daughter had open house at her new school. When we left, my ex and daughter were in one vehicle, and I was in my vehicle. My daughter was full blown crying reaching for me through the window. I would have agreed to marry satan to have her not be so upset but the ex kept on cruising never missing a beat.
Damn dude, so sorry. Prayers for you man. This is the type of situation that has ran through my head the many, many times I've contemplated divorce from a 17 year marriage. I have 2 boys and to see them in pain from it I don't think I could bear.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:22 pm to Gravitiger
quote:
According to the American Psychological Association, it's between 20-40%.
And that depends on what/how it is reported (thanks for the source, I figured I was correct that OP was low balling it). I’ve seen couples in complete denial over the other’s infidelity.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:23 pm to hendersonshands
quote:
They probably realize that it would just make their child miserable to grow up in a house with parents who hate each other.
Sometimes divorce is the kid’s best shot.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:29 pm to Kujo
Kujo with some tough, but very real observations ITT
Another observation: As divorced children get older they start pitting the parents against each other for their personal gain. My brother-in-law is in this situation now, being forced to compete financially for his 16-year old daughter’s attention. Just sad all around.
Another observation: As divorced children get older they start pitting the parents against each other for their personal gain. My brother-in-law is in this situation now, being forced to compete financially for his 16-year old daughter’s attention. Just sad all around.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:35 pm to Kujo
Divorce for obvious reasons (abuse, drugs, etc.), I think it goes without saying, it's better for the kids for the marriage to end, pronto.
But if it's a case when one ends a marriage for selfish reasons, that's a different story. Marriage can be hard work, so is raising a family, but a lot of good comes out of hard work. I think a lot of people go into a marriage with unrealistic expectations, and leave a marriage with those same unrealistic expectations. Or perhaps they may be looking for someone to fill a void which will never happen. Also, family or marital dysfunction may be a byproduct of ones own upbringing. In essence, dysfunction is learned and becomes cyclical, especially if not recognized.
I read "Bradshaw: On the Family" years ago which I thought offered some really good insight into the dynamics of family.
But if it's a case when one ends a marriage for selfish reasons, that's a different story. Marriage can be hard work, so is raising a family, but a lot of good comes out of hard work. I think a lot of people go into a marriage with unrealistic expectations, and leave a marriage with those same unrealistic expectations. Or perhaps they may be looking for someone to fill a void which will never happen. Also, family or marital dysfunction may be a byproduct of ones own upbringing. In essence, dysfunction is learned and becomes cyclical, especially if not recognized.
I read "Bradshaw: On the Family" years ago which I thought offered some really good insight into the dynamics of family.
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 7:47 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:38 pm to BluegrassBelle
Yeah, 17% is completely subject killing compared to 20-40%….which originates from a study that says 20-25% but expanded their spread to account for unreported.
RA’d to delete. Y’all do you, good kids would want to see their parents living their best life!
RA’d to delete. Y’all do you, good kids would want to see their parents living their best life!
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:41 pm to go_tigres
quote:
When we left, my ex and daughter were in one vehicle, and I was in my vehicle. My daughter was full blown crying reaching for me through the window. I would have agreed to marry satan to have her not be so upset but the ex kept on cruising never missing a beat.
I went though a similar situation a few years back and as a result decided to give my ungrateful, selfish wife another chance.
Everyone that thinks they can walk away from a loveless miserable marriage until they have to watch a five year old kick and scream at every custody exchange. You could see the loss and pain in her eyes the minute we would get into the car to head to meet her mom every other week.
Some people wonder if they will do anything for their kids to know that they are happy, protected, and safe. I don’t have that problem.
I made my choice and know what it is worth. I should have picked a better person to marry, but that is my fault and my cross to bear in this life.
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 7:51 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:43 pm to Kujo
This started as a decent trolljob but your hook got too shiny as you continued to respond to people.
7.3/10
7.3/10
Posted on 7/6/21 at 7:50 pm to Kujo
It's like when the plane is preparing to depart & the flight crew are demonstrating the emergency procedures. When they get to the part about In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will automatically descend from the ceiling. Grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have childs travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
It's like that. You gotta take care of yourself first so you can take care of them immediately following that.
It's like that. You gotta take care of yourself first so you can take care of them immediately following that.
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