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Started By
Message
Divorced people with kids, how did you rationalize “your happiness” over your child’s?
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:37 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:37 pm
I’m sure people will point to some dealbreaker issues (unfaithfulness, child abuse,etc) but only 17% of divorces are attributed to infidelity, I assume child abuse is less. Etc.
So why was your happiness so much more important? You didn’t know how trashy the person you married was? They put on too much weight or lost their earning potential? You think you could do better so you jumped ship?
Did you spend more time researching F150s or the harmful effects of divorce on your children?
Is your selfish side stronger than your ability to feel guilt? How did you sell… “seeing them once a month or so is adequate “
My parents split up and I thought it was normal, But now is an adult with a wife and child I couldn’t imagine living with the guilt I would feel by leaving them.
Explain how you rationalized that splitting up is best for your child.
So why was your happiness so much more important? You didn’t know how trashy the person you married was? They put on too much weight or lost their earning potential? You think you could do better so you jumped ship?
Did you spend more time researching F150s or the harmful effects of divorce on your children?
Is your selfish side stronger than your ability to feel guilt? How did you sell… “seeing them once a month or so is adequate “
My parents split up and I thought it was normal, But now is an adult with a wife and child I couldn’t imagine living with the guilt I would feel by leaving them.
Explain how you rationalized that splitting up is best for your child.
41
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:38 pm to Kujo
They probably realize that it would just make their child miserable to grow up in a house with parents who hate each other.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:40 pm to Kujo
A miserable marriage with parents fighting daily can have more devastating effects on children than divorced parents. It’s not always child abuse or infidelity.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:40 pm to hendersonshands
quote:
They probably realize that it would just make their child miserable to grow up in a house with parents who hate each other.
Cop out. Relationships are difficult they have up-and-down just stick with it for the benefit of the child & family , you have a common goal, And most arguments are about one person being selfish ( New purse, new truck, not helping out with chores, living like a slob, etc)
One person usually leaves the relationship.
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 5:49 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:43 pm to Farside
quote:
My parents split up and I thought it was normal
I think a lot of people these days view it as this so it makes it easier to split.
I was the one who wanted to do counseling and repair things for our child. I was saying, let’s try it for him. Looking back, splitting up was the best option. We began resenting and hating each other. That never goes away. You will live with that feeling forever even after the kids are out the house. I personally rationalized it by saying I’d rather my child see me and his mother cordial and friendly than him to live in a house with us talking to each other the way we did and him thinking that was a normal life. Now everyone has moved on with their lives and gets along perfectly fine.
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 5:58 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:43 pm to Kujo
Honestly, i don’t have much free time.
I go to all my kids stuff and try and be apart of their lives almost every day.
I sacrifice my free time and happiness for the kids.
I wish i could go on vacation but the kids being able to do sports, cheer, dance, various camps each week of the summer is way more important to me.
Their happiness is what matters
I go to all my kids stuff and try and be apart of their lives almost every day.
I sacrifice my free time and happiness for the kids.
I wish i could go on vacation but the kids being able to do sports, cheer, dance, various camps each week of the summer is way more important to me.
Their happiness is what matters
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:43 pm to Kujo
At a certain point two people who hate each other and have legitimate irreconcilable differences, whatever they may be, staying together just because they took the vows isn't good for anyone involved, especially the kids.
Some people realize that far too late.
Some people realize that far too late.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:44 pm to Kujo
Not a parent, but a child of a divorce. As I've grown up, I've had conversations with my mom saying I'm glad she made the choice she made. My dad was an arse, and I'm glad she put herself in a healthy place while taking care of me.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:46 pm to scott8811
quote:
My dad was an arse, and I'm glad she put herself in a healthy place while taking care of me.
Did he get remarried?
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:49 pm to Kujo
quote:What happens when they’re grown, and you’ve wasted years as you and your spouse no longer have anything in common and you’re now in your late 50’s/60’s?
just stick with it for the benefit of the child & family
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:56 pm to Kujo
quote:
Cop out. Relationships are difficult they have up-and-down just stick with it for the benefit of the child & family , you have a common goal, And most arguments are about one person being selfish ( New purse, new truck, not helping out with chores, living like a slob, etc)
One person usually leaves the relationship.
Sounds like you have life figured out chief.
Clearly, your life experiences are much more important than every other person's life experiences.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 5:58 pm to tigergirl10
quote:
you’ve wasted years as you and your spouse no longer have anything in common and you’re now in your late 50’s/60’s?
You will realize that most of your differences were due to immaturity, and you both feel a little more stable.
Think about this, Go to a newborn unit at the hospital and black asian white latin etc newborns all pretty much look the same…..Then go to a retirement home…..Again pretty much everybody looks the same.
There’s a period between 16 and 40 Where we think we’re some special unique flower who deserves something different.
When honestly we are all just insignificant people trying to make ends meet who don’t want to be bothered.
Live vicariously through your children and make their happiness yours, and not as a burden keeping you from some selfish idea you had for yourself. (Ie want to be VP so you work 80 hours a week and justify it as the money you make will benefit your child….when it actually hurts them as you neglect them focusing on your wants in life)
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:02 pm to Kujo
quote:
honestly we are all just insignificant people trying to make ends meet.
This thought is part of your problem. Get some confidence and self worth.
quote:
Live vicariously through your children and make their happiness yours, and not as a burden keeping you from some selfish idea you had for yourself.
How happy is that kid when half the time is parents are arguing and screaming at one another? What type of life is that for anyone involved?
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 6:04 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:03 pm to scott8811
quote:
Not a parent, but a child of a divorce. As I've grown up, I've had conversations with my mom saying I'm glad she made the choice she made. My dad was an arse, and I'm glad she put herself in a healthy place while taking care of me.
My family life was the other way around. Parents fought regularly (father was an alcoholic) and mother made the decision to stay until the last child left for college, then filed for divorce. Mom's rationale was she couldn't afford anything other than a 2BR apartment and she wasn't making us share a bedroom through MS and HS. Parents bought the house in '73 and the house payment was $297/month. That ain't a mistype.
I feel like their dysfunction contributed to my reluctance to become a father until I turned 40. Frankly, that reluctance cost me a really great woman, but I am THRILLED to have my son. He's an amazing kid and his mother (no pics) is beyond comparison as a mom.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:04 pm to Floating Change Up
quote:
Sounds like you have life figured out chief.
Clearly, your life experiences are much more important than every other person's life experiences.
Laughable, Millions of divorces but they’re all so unique? Yes, I admit there can be horrible circumstances Surrounding individual divorces ….But to take Shelter under that umbrella for all divorces is just a criminally selfish person deflecting guilt.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:04 pm to Kujo
You’re making people rationalize their own faults in a large case here. You won’t get honest answers because some have already did mental con fu on themselves and believe their own bullshite. The others have never known honesty.
People should get tax credits if they get divorced before kids.
People should get tax credits if they get divorced before kids.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:05 pm to Kujo
quote:
I’m sure people will point to some dealbreaker issues (unfaithfulness, child abuse,etc) but only 17% of divorces are attributed to infidelity, I assume child abuse is less. Etc.
I’d be curious where this stat came from. And is infidelity not officially reported in No Fault states.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:07 pm to Lollipop Jones
quote:
How happy is that kid when half the time is parents are arguing and screaming at one another? What type of life is that for anyone involved?
I’m not sure let’s ask the kids that are bussed around between “away-cations” where the get to meet mommy and daddy’s new “friend”, waiting for that call on their birthday.
Yeah, you left for “their happiness “
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:09 pm to Kujo
quote:
My parents split up and I thought it was normal, But now is an adult with a wife and child I couldn’t imagine living with the guilt I would feel by leaving them.
Sounds like my experience as well.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:10 pm to BluegrassBelle
Divorcestats.info
Not sure what Critiquing the source would accomplish? Was it involved in your situation?
Not sure what Critiquing the source would accomplish? Was it involved in your situation?
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