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re: Any thoughts on men who refuse to pay for their wives to stay home with the kids?
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:08 pm to Everyday Is Saturday
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:08 pm to Everyday Is Saturday
quote:
To your point, though, if a person is a bad Mom, perhaps they should stay with pets to begin with.
That seems to be the problem though, you can't know (really) if someone is a bad parent until they are a parent. But then you're always going to have those dudes that "don't care, had secks". Which are half the problem when you get down to it.
1
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:12 pm to slidingstop
quote:
25 years married and we've had separate accounts since day one. Has worked fabulously for us.
Congrats!
2 questions, pls:
How/Do yall budget and track (eg, Monarch)?
What is key reason that you / spouse gives for keeping separate?
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:18 pm to StringedInstruments
My wife would go crazy staying at home. I more or less make my own schedule and I drive myself crazy if I'm home too much and she's more of a busy body than me.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:27 pm to StringedInstruments
When only one of you work, your family is always one layoff, firing or long-term medical condition away from disaster.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:29 pm to Snipe
quote:
That seems to be the problem though, you can't know (really) if someone is a bad parent until they are a parent.
Same for becoming a spouse, girlfriend before that, perhaps friend before that? No clues at all? …in what they value, how they relate with family, children, other mothers, people in general?
Technically, I hear you and true.
I sometimes wonder though if “bad” is just convenient, as being a full time Mom is not easy at all and less glorious than it deserves.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:30 pm to 3nOut
I do it, and I don't like it. I wish my wife made more and wanted less. It would make things easier for me. She must not be interested in that.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:38 pm to Fat and Happy
quote:
Staying home is fine but after the kids get a certain age, it’s still for her to stay home.
I have been home for 10 years. Have two kids in double digits and they are running me the f--- ragged. Two schools with different events, multiple and different sports teams, games, meets, practices, music lessons, medical appointments, early dismissals, school breaks, summers, friends. I usually end up room and team parent too. I'm consistently in my car 2-3 hours a day with a swiss cheese schedule because nothing coordinates or is near one another.
I am actually going back to work shortly so husband and I are talking about how to redistribute all the kid/house stuff. I can tell he's not thrilled at the idea of having a "second shift" when he gets off work because he keeps telling me I don't have to work.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:39 pm to slidingstop
quote:
25 years married and we've had separate accounts since day one. Has worked fabulously for us.
Coming up on 6 years here and it has worked for us. We aren't entirely separate as we have a joint mutual fund and high yield savings that we contribute an agreed upon % of our income every month. Bills are split 50/50. We are also both responsible with retirement savings. Other than that, we don't really worry what the other does with their money. It'll probably change once kids are in the picture.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:48 pm to Benne Wafer
quote:
multiple and different sports teams, games, meets, practices, music lessons, school breaks, summers, friends.
You understand you're in charge of what you let your kids schedule, right?
Posted on 4/13/26 at 2:50 pm to StringedInstruments
quote:
One of my wife's friends is married to a very successful salesman in an engineering field. They live in a big house, take amazing vacations, and have all the other signs of being really wealthy.
They do keep their bank accounts separate and always have. My wife's friend pays for her own car, her own clothes, and the groceries. He covers everything else.
When they started having kids, he said, "It's not my responsibility to pay for your vacation" in regards to her staying home. She took a 2 month maternity leave with each of their kids that she supplemented with her own savings.
They can obviously afford for her to. But he doesn't want to pay for it.
Smart man? Or what?
in this case he is an arse
but sometimes its the wife who doesnt want to stay home or wants the better lifestyle 2 incomes can afford or just wants to have both the career and the wife/mom life.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 3:21 pm to Mizz-SEC
quote:
I would normally agree with this but if it's a second marriage and they want to keep their assets separate to make things simpler when they die I could understand it.
You literally can’t keep your day to day assets seperate. Investment account from prior to marriage, sure. Even cash sitting untouched in a seperate account.
Banking account getting current income and paying bills?
As far as divorces go both are the same account.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 3:45 pm to StringedInstruments
I’ve been married twice. Neither wife worked except the first one - my four kids’ mom - who went back to teaching when my youngest started first grade. She was a SAHM for about 15 years.
I paid for the houses, cars, food, clothes, vacations for everybody. That’s what I signed up for when I asked them to marry me.
I paid for the houses, cars, food, clothes, vacations for everybody. That’s what I signed up for when I asked them to marry me.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 3:46 pm to StringedInstruments
Weird
Posted on 4/13/26 at 3:48 pm to Swamp Angel
quote:
That's a trust issue (or lack thereof) that will wreck what is supposed to be the deepest, most sincere, and most sacred relationship on this earth.
If you have to share a bank account with your spouse that is a serious trust issue. Imagine marrying a person and not even trusting them enough to have their own bank account. You probably insist on being able to track their every movement on their IPhone, too. Psycho level lack of trust.
Spouses who insist on these are usually control freaks and try to pin their psycho level lack of trust off as being completely trusting.
Why would you marry someone you cannot even trust to have her own bank account without you monitoring her spending?
This post was edited on 4/13/26 at 4:11 pm
Posted on 4/13/26 at 3:49 pm to Volvagia
quote:
As far as divorces go both are the same account.
just about everything is fair game in FC, except the about to be ex-wives"' stuff
Posted on 4/13/26 at 3:57 pm to Swamp Angel
My parents got separate bank accounts when my dad quit smoking and my mom hadn’t stopped yet. He said he didn’t want to see how much money was wasted. That was 20 years ago. The still have separate and joint accounts and have been married over 50 years.
It’s one thing to have separate accounts for bills and fun, it’s another when it’s used to divvy up who pays what.
It’s one thing to have separate accounts for bills and fun, it’s another when it’s used to divvy up who pays what.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 4:06 pm to Swamp Angel
quote:
If you keep separate bank accounts as a married couple, you've got some serious issues at the root. Never marry someone with whom you would not share a bank account or who would not share an account with you. That's a trust issue (or lack thereof) that will wreck what is supposed to be the deepest, most sincere, and most sacred relationship on this earth
Completely not true. Married many years and separate accounts. A few years ago opened a joint account for a second home we had. Sold it, still have 2 smaller joint accounts and rest separate, separate credit cards etc. We each buy what we want and when. Almost 20 years together and never a fight about money.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 4:13 pm to Upperdecker
quote:
Split bank accounts are just begging to have problems. How do you split the bills? Is it fair? How does spending money on oneself work? Is it fair? Who has to save for retirement and how much? Is it fair? Do you retire at the same time? Is it fair? And the list goes on. You could potentially work all this shite out and hope nothing changes how one person feels about it. Or you could be all in on your marriage and do everything together, including your bank account
I think the one worrying about something being "fair" in their marriage has far more problems to worry about than the couple with split bank accounts.
Secondly, why do you need a joint bank account to know if your spouse is saving for retirement?
This post was edited on 4/13/26 at 4:19 pm
Posted on 4/13/26 at 4:18 pm to Swamp Angel
quote:
If you keep separate bank accounts as a married couple, you've got some serious issues at the root. Never marry someone with whom you would not share a bank account or who would not share an account with you. That's a trust issue (or lack thereof) that will wreck what is supposed to be the deepest, most sincere, and most sacred relationship on this earth.
Sorry you don't trust your wife enough to not have to monitor her checking account spending habits.
Posted on 4/13/26 at 4:20 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
my wife and I have separate accouns
My inlaws also had separate accounts and while alive it worked well for them. It was a monumental cluster when they passed though.
I would assume though, that you’re already set up for that. They were not.
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