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re: Any thoughts on men who refuse to pay for their wives to stay home with the kids?

Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:07 pm to
Posted by Mizz-SEC
Inbred Huntin' In The SEC
Member since Jun 2013
22977 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:07 pm to
quote:


If you keep separate bank accounts as a married couple, you've got some serious issues at the root. Never marry someone with whom you would not share a bank account or who would not share an account with you. That's a trust issue (or lack thereof) that will wreck what is supposed to be the deepest, most sincere, and most sacred relationship on this earth.

I would normally agree with this but if it's a second marriage and they want to keep their assets separate to make things simpler when they die I could understand it.

The last thing I would want is my inheritable funds going to someone other than my heirs.
Posted by NewIberiaHaircut
Lafayette
Member since May 2013
12456 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:07 pm to
quote:

Smart man? Or what?


He's an idiot. Being able to have my wife stay home is a huge blessing for my family.
Posted by StringedInstruments
Member since Oct 2013
20907 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:08 pm to
quote:

It's weird that you know so much about another couples finances.


Women talk about everything. Not sure if you knew that or not.
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92280 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:09 pm to
quote:

The last thing I would want is my inheritable funds going to someone other than my heirs.


unfortunately that happens almost every day because updating, or even having a will seems to be the single most procrastinated thing for almost everyone
Posted by Banned
Member since Feb 2026
331 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:13 pm to
quote:


When they started having kids, he said, "It's not my responsibility to pay for your vacation" in regards to her staying home. She took a 2 month maternity leave with each of their kids that she supplemented with her own savings.


I don't understand this at all. Did she have kids with a different man? Because if not, its very much his responsibility. Sorry but this guy sounds like an arse. Unless I'm understanding this statement wrong.
Posted by Fat and Happy
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2013
19975 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:14 pm to
Staying home is fine but after the kids get a certain age, it’s still for her to stay home.

Cleaning the house and cooking is not hard. I would be perfectly fine with cooking and even helping with cleaning stuff
Posted by GeauxtigersMs36
The coast
Member since Jan 2018
13249 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:15 pm to
Sounds like an assshole. I’d venture to say they have more problems than maybe they realize right now but in 10 years she will divorce him and do her damndest to take as much as possible. Red flag calling maternity leave a “vacation”.
Also, money trips big house doesn’t always make a happy home life.
Posted by Bayou_Tiger_225
Third Earth
Member since Mar 2016
12840 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:15 pm to
That makes sense.

I can see how incomes flowing into a single joint account then agreed upon amounts being transferred into fun accounts would eliminate any disagreements over fun money expenditures.
Posted by Dam Guide
Member since Sep 2005
16741 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:16 pm to
Whatever works for them.

There are a lot of trad lifestyle people with s**tty kids, no guarantee that will make their kids better or worse. We have a serious lack of empathy these days, this thread pretty much shows that.
This post was edited on 4/13/26 at 12:21 pm
Posted by Epic Cajun
Lafayette, LA
Member since Feb 2013
37063 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:20 pm to
quote:

What is the point of keeping separate bank accounts? No judgement. Genuinely curious.

I don’t have experience in this, as we have a joint account, but I could see a perspective that would point towards both spouses being more ambitious professionally if they had to make “their own” money. Now, does this make for a better home and family dynamic? I think that’s up for debate and personal priorities.
Posted by Snipe
Member since Nov 2015
16722 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:22 pm to
quote:

Why are you, or anyone, assuming that strangers at a daycare facility are what’s best for children?


Interesting that you assume that I do.

Also, having a job doesn't really mean you're a good parent, or person for that mater.

Posted by Havoc
Member since Nov 2015
39281 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:23 pm to
Some women are wired for responsibly staying home and some aren’t. Maybe she wasn’t? Maybe she wanted to work?
Posted by SallysHuman
Lady Palmetto Bug
Member since Jan 2025
21846 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:27 pm to
quote:

Interesting that you assume that I do.


Maybe I misunderstood you… seemed you were calling me out assuming I assumed that all women would make good stay at home parents.

Anyway- it’s a personal choice, it’s not for me to judge other’s childcare choices. I do stand by my judgment of the father, as depicted, in the OP.

Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86220 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:28 pm to
quote:

They can obviously afford for her to. But he doesn't want to pay for it.

Smart man? Or what?


Very dumb.

My wife staying home, even after my kids are in school, makes all of our lives so much easier and less stressful.

Posted by Defenseiskey
Houston, TX
Member since Nov 2010
2163 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:30 pm to
Depends, I think it's good for the kids.

For the guy, it's kind of smart. Seeing how more than half if marriages end in divorce anyway, he's shielding himself a little bit with alimony.

Is it ideal, no, but women wanted things like no fault divorce, affirmative action, and independence. It's only logical that men do things like this to mitigate the risk. In the end, it's their fault stuff like this happens.
Posted by deltaland
Member since Mar 2011
102759 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:31 pm to
quote:

you keep separate bank accounts as a married couple, you've got some serious issues at the root


Not necessarily. My wife and I keep separate accounts. Mostly because my name is on the farm loan not hers so our house and investment portfolio is all in her name so if something happens we won’t lose everything
Posted by moneyg
Member since Jun 2006
63087 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:31 pm to
quote:

Smart man? Or what?



Well, it's a real shitty way of describing it...

"It's not my responsibility to pay for your vacation"

But, the end result isn't terrible. A better way of phrasing it would have been "Our family is strongest if we are both contributing to our bottom line. If you can take care of your car, clothes and all of the groceries...I'll take care of the rest"...that would be better than 90% of all other women.

Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92280 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:33 pm to
quote:

my name is on the farm loan not hers so our house and investment portfolio is all in her name so if something happens we won’t lose everything


uh, about that...
Posted by onelochevy
Slidell, LA
Member since Jan 2011
18323 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:34 pm to
quote:

Buddy, im trying my best to be a stay at home corndog... you best believe I can keep a tidy ship and have dinner on the grill for when Momma gets home... you think I paid for washer, dryer, and a dishwasher so I can work manual labor?! Putting things in drawers and cabinets is my specialty... also i cook WAY better than her

P.S. our lawn puts the neighbor to shame... now imagine what I can do without a full time job... I'd kill it!!

Let momma bring home the bacon to a clean house, happy kids, and zero chores... I'll cook that bacon and feed it right back to her for breakfast

PPS: this also gives me time to work on my boat


Same. I turn wrenches in a plant but my wife makes more than double my salary. Looking hard at early retirement.
Posted by Snipe
Member since Nov 2015
16722 posts
Posted on 4/13/26 at 12:34 pm to
quote:

Maybe I misunderstood you… seemed you were calling me out assuming


No not calling you out.

Just commenting that we has humans naturally assume women are good mothers. (until proven other wise at least.)

I think that's the good in human nature, we want to believe mothers are good.
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