re: 12 Year Old Girl with BPD

I have met many people who I saw as behaving irrationally. Not one of them saw themselves that way. They all had an internal logic system to rationalize their decisions. Learning their system is the only way to motivate someone whose system is vastly different from yours.

I was driven by fear as a child. I had an external motivation because I would be physically punished brutally for anything short of perfection. The constant (and very real and acted on) threat of physical violence kept me in line for a good while. It didn’t make me healthy, but it helped me hide my mistakes until I got to a point in life where that external fear was no longer looming over me and I couldn’t hide my deficiencies any longer. I couldn’t understand that most of my peers, as a kid, didn’t live with a figurative omnipresent sword of Damocles over their heads. Once I learned that they had something else entirely driving them, I started to understand other people better.

I have met people driven by revenge, guilt, shame, pleasure, challenge, attention, etc. You cannot understand how to motivate someone whose driving force is substantially different from yours until you truly learn their system. This is incredibly difficult to do.

quote:

---

Yes, it’s a hellish nightmare that I wouldn’t wish on anybody but with that said make sure to take care of yourself first. If you’re not in a good place then you won’t be able to help your daughter.

2nd, get the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and read it multiple times. This book has an amazing amount of information and it is relevant. So many times while reading I would say out “OMG, that’s my DwBPD.”

3rd start looking for a therapist who specializes in DBT. The earlier the start the better the chance that your daughter can live a more normal life.

---

Listen to that part for sure.

Take care of the caregiver above all else. Otherwise you're at risk of abusing or neglecting her.

A positive church environment can help for some kids, especially ones suffering from a lack of social skills who really need a sense of belonging and community or for kids struggling with overwhelming feelings of guilt and/or shame.

For some kids, however, church will simply feel repressive and represent yet another “out of touch authority figure “ to rebel against.

Prayers alone fix nothing. Praying can help find the clarity to make wise choices, and church can provide the right mix of guidance, community, responsibilities, incentive structures, and forgiveness to help one improve their own situation. In fact, teaching the art of prayer to someone with bpd can be a huge benefit to them. It’s a great way to quiet the riot of intrusive thoughts and emotions and effectively meditate.

I find that church never works if it is forced upon the child. However, it can work wonders if they choose to participate themselves.

quote:

---

She doesn't make friends because she is a pathological liar and general misfit. She starts new friendships but then they fizzle out because the other kid ends up not liking her very much.

She also is very unhygenic. I have to basically make her shower and brush her teeth/hair.

As far as hobbies goes, she doesn't do anything constructive. We have tried many times to get her to try different activities (soccer, piano, drama, volleyball) but it always ends prematurely or in disaster.

I am holding out hope, but the truth of the matter is right now she is basically evil. She can't be reasoned with. She will patronize you to avoid addressing anything substantial.

The fact of the matter is you cannot force someone to try and be a decent person if they are hellbent on doing the opposite. I never imagined things would get this bad. I cannot relate at all to her and her behavior, and neither can the rest of my family.

---

You're describing something here, that to state the obvious requires long term care/hospitalization.

Now it's been many years since I've delt with this part of it and I don't know if the guidelines have changed or not. But for most insurances, once acute care has failed a certain number of times, long term benefits kick in (assuming they're a part of your health plan).

we had a very similar turn of events and ended up committing a family member to the state, and releasing guardianship. Extremely difficult decision but when they were classified as mentally ill and dangerous it's all we could do.

I suggest drugs..lots of drugs... for yourself.

quote:

---

Hey Bert do you how the Dr’s connected the 23&Me results with functional medication? I have someone in my life that I care greatly about that struggles with BiPolar Disorder and Mania. Most times I just feel lost in how to help. This could be something that works for them as well and want to look into how to coordinate it all.

---

I don't know the details, hell I don't even know if 23 and me is the exact test she took but for some reason it rings a bell. What I do know is that based on that test they were able to determine what she was deficient in (chemically I guess) and matched her up with the meds that fixed that issue. Prior to the test, it was just trial and error where they would try a med for a few months and then if it didn't work, they would wean off it and then try a new med.

quote:

---

ETA: University of Chicago looks like it's currently running a clinical trial with psilocybin and BPD. It might be worth it to try to get her into such a study.

---

I know it has awful effects on people with schizophrenia but works well with OCD and depression. Interesting how it will work with BPD.

quote:

---

Tough situation, but I can tell you what won't work. Prayer.

---

Prayer can be just what people need to do in order to deal with these issues. In the end, it probably won’t cure some illness. It will help the individual doing the praying. It’s a form of therapy and meditation all in one.

Try NAMI https://www.nami.org/. They have some great classes and support groups.