re: Dear diary, tired of living (update pg 14)

Good morning TexasTiger08
It’s 5:30 in the morning and your on my mind. A total stranger but somehow a message board connects us and others.

I just read your last post and the one thing that kept popping up is your usage of the words “feel”. “I feel like” or “ I feel that”, listen man feelings aren’t bad, you just can’t allow them to control you. I believe emotions and feelings are good, why because they show you where you are at and what your focus is on.
What I mean is this, sometimes I do not feel like going to work. It’s a very real feeling especially after 50. But the truth is I am so blessed to have a career. I do not struggle financially, why because I get to go to work and i have been working for a long time. But, if I focus on me and not see the blessing behind the ability, then I become a victim of my own attitude.

There have been times in my marriage where I just did not want to be married. But, i did not succumb to that temporary emotion and even last night went on a date with my wife of 20 years. I am so very blessed by my wife and she is my soulmate but there are times when I forget just how much she means to me.
I have to constantly battle my feelings in areas of work, relationships, finances and so many other areas. When i realize I am going down a certain path and my emotions are starting to stray and deceive me then I recognize it for what it is and get back on track with thought that are positive and pure, full of gratitude and thankfulness. I have been working on this for years and years because one time I also felt that my life had no hope and no value. I am so very thankful that I came to understand emotions and instead of submitting to negative and harmful thoughts, I now push against them with a positive picture of what my life is and what it will be. It takes practice. Lots of practice. Being a victim is just a habit of unhealthy thinking. You have to work out your emotional muscles. It takes time and training but just like the gym, you have to make an effort.
Bless you brother.
Let me know if you can do coffee.

I figured I would update you all on whatever progress I have had.

I have found some energy, some will, and no longer feel like my life is ending in a month when the baby comes and divorce will follow.

I took a weeklong trip out of state for the new year and met a woman. It’s the first time I’ve felt butterflies over text messages in quite some time, so I know I’m capable of feelings towards a woman. Unless she moves, nothing can really result, but it’s a nice first step to be talking to someone

Slowly but surely, I’ve found myself doing things I enjoy. I still hate my job, and am hopeful I can go back to my old, infilled position to stabilize things a bit. It’ll be a bit more money, which I think I need at this point. I’m worried I won’t be able to afford my house once child support kicks in, but time will tell.

I’ve followed the board’s advice and fulfilled some needs, but dating apps are otherwise a waste of time to me. It’s nothing but bots and women who don’t respond. Such is life for a pudgy white guy in South Texas.

I have been hitting the gym, but don’t see much in terms of results. I suppose any exercise is better than what I had been getting.

It’s taking some getting used to as far as being alone. Each week I feel a little better, and therapy is helping.

Good for you man. One day at a time

hey we're always here


sometimes others are here as well but that's the risk you take

Pussy is undefeated. It can make or break any man.

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TexasTiger08

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great to hear from you, good to see things are at least a little better

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It’s the first time I’ve felt butterflies over text messages in quite some time

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Bro Rule 376: don’t talk about “butterflies” with the bros

Edit: but I’m happy for you

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I have been hitting the gym, but don’t see much in terms of results.

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It’s not going to be something that happens quickly, it’s a commitment. Probably use the time in the gym to meet more people. Usually people in the gym are very positive. It would be a good thing to hear a lot of encouragement.

Great to hear brother. One day at a time man. I've been through 2 divorces and after my first left me and took our 11 month old daughter with her, to live with family hours away, I attempted suicide. I drove my car straight into a building. Thank God I was not injured too bad. I got help and realized what I had tried, God said he wasn't ready for me yet. That was 33 years ago and now I thank God for kicking me in the arse and setting me on the right path. I'm very happy now and enjoy life with my now third wife, 7 children and 9 grand children. Don't ever make yourself believe that it doesn't get better bother! Don't ever do that to your little girl! Things WILL BE BETTER AND BETTER! Hang in there! If you want my phone number I'll give you an email addy so you can get it. I'll always be available if you need an ear. I mean it!

Happy for you brother, youre on the right path. Keep it up, wish nothing but the best for you