re: Marriage over or salvageable?

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Thoughts?

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The fact that this:

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Been married almost 10 years, have three young kids and that's definitely taken a huge toll on us. It feels more like we're co-parents now instead of spouses. Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now. We went on an anniversary trip recently, and even when away from the kids for a bit finally, it didn't feel like the "good ole days" earlier in our marriage before kids.

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Took you right to the “do we need to divorce?” is a little bit concerning.

You’re never going to be the same couple you were 10 years ago before kids. You have to learn to let that expectation go.

Do you even know each other that well anymore? Are you both making the effort to spend time together without the kids and work on the relationship?

Couples counseling would probably be good for you all.

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Maybe this is me being a p***y, but I've always thought marriage counseling is for those who can't just talk it out on their own and/or for marriages that are already toast.

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My sister and her husband went through an "it's over" patch after about 15 years. Counseling helped save the marriage and the relationship is much better now.

I can only advise you as to my position on this subject. My wife and I are devout Catholic. We came to see children as a gift from God. A legacy that would remain long after we were gone. Therefore we saw caring for them as an oppertunity to express our love for each other. After all, each child was half of me, and half of her. With all those amazing ancestors behind us. But then we always saw ourselves (husband and wife) as co-partners in the raising of children and co-creators with God. Oh, and we always found time for sex.

This was the prevailing thought of most of our parenting friends and family.

I may not convince the both of you to try to work things out. But I urge you to try. Be assured of my prayers.

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Maybe this is me being a p***y, but I've always thought marriage counseling is for those who can't just talk it out on their own and/or for marriages that are already toast.

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You are the one here asking if you should get a divorce but think marriage counseling is beneath you???

Put in an effort to make things fun for her and the kids. They may appreciate it. You could be happier too.

I'm divorced and happy. But my ex was a cheat and a thief.

You’re complaining about sex once a week after 10 years? GTFO with that bullshite! Quit being a bitch, your wife has given you three kids. Be thankful for what you have.

You may be having sex once per week, but Jody getting up in your old lady's guts on the reg.

You have to deal with the choices you make. Kids are stressful, that comes with the territory. My wife and I had vastly different parenting styles too and it did cause some arguments but my kids are all grown and they are all contributing members of society. In other words they survived our parenting mistakes. I ain't gonna lie, it wasn't always sunshine and roses but raising kids isn't easy. But one day you'll look back and see that it was worth it. Teach them wrong and right, the rest will take care of itself. And we had 4 in 8 years.

This sounds like the stress of work, life, aging, bills, young kids, and everything else that comes with this period impacting your relationship.

As others have said, you have to prioritize time with your wife and yourself as well as the 5 of you as a family, if that's truly what you want.

Get a calendar to start the year and plan out the following. Don't waver once it's planned.

- Dinner at a restaurant with your wife every other month. Pick a new place each time. Get dressed up and get a baby sitter. It's worth the investment. That's 6 dates you would never have gone on with your wife. If you're married another 40 years. That's 240 dates.

- 4 Family stay cation or day trips. Once a quarter. Doesn't have to be lavish or expensive, but plan it and do it. Go to a museum. Go visit some town with the largest ball of twine or some crazy claim to fame. Go bowling. Go camping. Do something you wouldn't think of doing if it came up on any given Saturday, but can give your family some excitement as the day gets closer. If your oldest kid is 10, that's 32 memories you make with them before they are on their own.

- 4 dinners as a family. Go out once a quarter. Not impulsive, but planned. Again, nothing lavish. Go eat pizza. Go get burgers. Go some place you haven't been to in years.

- 1 event for you, and ideally your wife as well, that you can both build your year around. Ideally health related. A 5k. A tough mudder. A marathon. Something that challenges you and keeps you disciplined. If you're 40 and live to 80. That's 40 year defining experiences.

Plan your life so that all the other drudgeries of life don't plan it for you. Your family will reap the rewards.