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re: What to do for family member who is experiencing cognitive decline?
Posted on 10/28/22 at 6:20 pm to Chromdome35
Posted on 10/28/22 at 6:20 pm to Chromdome35
quote:
Introduce him to the Poli & OT boards
What do you think brought on the cognitive decline?
0
Posted on 10/28/22 at 6:26 pm to StringedInstruments
There are meds to help. My FIL is 86 and has been taking some a while and really seem to be helping him.
Posted on 10/28/22 at 6:30 pm to StringedInstruments
I've gone through this with both my parents. The first thing you have to do is make a doctor appt. We used a neurological center that had all the doctors needed. It involved a neurologist, psychologist, psychatist and geriatrician. They will put him through a series of cognitive tests, a brain scan and neurological testing. Then they will determine what's going on and the best treatment options. I'm sure there are plenty of options in Birmingham. Do your research and don't put it off. Sadly, he's not going to get better.
As for driving, my Dad got lost one day and a good samaritan and his wife drove him home when he stopped for directions at a gas station. We were lucky that he wasn't robbed or worse. It wasn't easy for my Mom to take the keys but she did. Everyday he wanted to drive and she would make up a story. This went on for months. It wasn't easy. He eventually stopped asking.
My Mom was clueless about finances. Never paid a bill, knew nothing about bank accounts, etc. My brother or I would sit down with them once a week to pay bills and deal with any other financial issue. Dad would still write the checks and Mom learned what was going on.
I wish you and your family all the best.
As for driving, my Dad got lost one day and a good samaritan and his wife drove him home when he stopped for directions at a gas station. We were lucky that he wasn't robbed or worse. It wasn't easy for my Mom to take the keys but she did. Everyday he wanted to drive and she would make up a story. This went on for months. It wasn't easy. He eventually stopped asking.
My Mom was clueless about finances. Never paid a bill, knew nothing about bank accounts, etc. My brother or I would sit down with them once a week to pay bills and deal with any other financial issue. Dad would still write the checks and Mom learned what was going on.
I wish you and your family all the best.
Posted on 10/28/22 at 6:33 pm to StringedInstruments
please take his keys away
Posted on 10/28/22 at 6:39 pm to StringedInstruments
Well, to be honest, it is a shitty situation because now y'all have to be the boss of your Dad. And he is not going to like it.
1. No more driving
2. Someone else must handle the finances
3. If you can keep the phone away from him, he will not
be susceptible to scammers.
4. Hide all weapons.
5. Someone else mentioned putting a tracker on him.
This is a great idea.
6. Watch for violent tendencies.
7. Soon he may start thinking he is in the past and may
create a world in his head based on that. When he
starts telling these stories, just go along with it.
Don't try to correct him or tell him he is wrong.
It is like having a toddler again, except he is large and strong. Protecting him from himself is a difficult job.
Good luck, and may God bless all of you.
And don't let him take his own medicine. Dispense it to him by the dose.
1. No more driving
2. Someone else must handle the finances
3. If you can keep the phone away from him, he will not
be susceptible to scammers.
4. Hide all weapons.
5. Someone else mentioned putting a tracker on him.
This is a great idea.
6. Watch for violent tendencies.
7. Soon he may start thinking he is in the past and may
create a world in his head based on that. When he
starts telling these stories, just go along with it.
Don't try to correct him or tell him he is wrong.
It is like having a toddler again, except he is large and strong. Protecting him from himself is a difficult job.
Good luck, and may God bless all of you.
And don't let him take his own medicine. Dispense it to him by the dose.
This post was edited on 10/28/22 at 6:40 pm
Posted on 10/28/22 at 6:49 pm to StringedInstruments
A lot to work with here…
My mother and father both went through Alzheimer’s and died from it.. my mil. Is going through it now as a widow…
Topic is to complicated … there are support groups … literature… and city/state resources to go to for advice and help if needed.
In the short term.. one of the family such as a son needs to take on the finances… another family member needs to take on the food/ health… another needs to take on the transportation..take the keys away.
If possible get them to a retirement community as a couple… one that has transition into a dementia ward also..
My parent in bossier started in bloom and ended up at the back home… my mil is at poydras home in Nola… now in the dementia ward.. she is the happiest I have ever seen her in my life… she has forgotten how to be mean and judgmental and lives for the moment and they make every moment enjoyable…
Hygiene issue is common for dementia… as is poor food options….
Main thing is to remember how they were and realize the things they do now which will be silly and sometimes mean are because of the disease.. my dad took a swing at me once… but then again he thought I was napoleon at the time??????… even though I did not speak French….:)
Good luck
My mother and father both went through Alzheimer’s and died from it.. my mil. Is going through it now as a widow…
Topic is to complicated … there are support groups … literature… and city/state resources to go to for advice and help if needed.
In the short term.. one of the family such as a son needs to take on the finances… another family member needs to take on the food/ health… another needs to take on the transportation..take the keys away.
If possible get them to a retirement community as a couple… one that has transition into a dementia ward also..
My parent in bossier started in bloom and ended up at the back home… my mil is at poydras home in Nola… now in the dementia ward.. she is the happiest I have ever seen her in my life… she has forgotten how to be mean and judgmental and lives for the moment and they make every moment enjoyable…
Hygiene issue is common for dementia… as is poor food options….
Main thing is to remember how they were and realize the things they do now which will be silly and sometimes mean are because of the disease.. my dad took a swing at me once… but then again he thought I was napoleon at the time??????… even though I did not speak French….:)
Good luck
Posted on 10/28/22 at 6:51 pm to Thecoz
back home… typo
Parents left bloom and went to VA home
Parents left bloom and went to VA home
Posted on 10/28/22 at 7:00 pm to StringedInstruments
Your FIL is experiencing an end-of-life event. Not the death of his body, but most assuredly his personality is fading away.
Alzheimer’s is a treacherous condition that leaves only a shell of its victim. Intervention into his daily affairs is obviously on the immediate horizon.
Make as many memories with him as you can. Time is short.
Alzheimer’s is a treacherous condition that leaves only a shell of its victim. Intervention into his daily affairs is obviously on the immediate horizon.
Make as many memories with him as you can. Time is short.
Posted on 10/28/22 at 7:09 pm to LSUBFA83
We've been there (with stubborn in-laws) and somehow my FIL only killed a Bradford Pear Tree in front of the donut store and, yes, he was a former cop. That meant that he could flash his wallet with his badge in it and get away with crappy driving. His geriatric dr. wouldn't help. My husband watched him run red lights.
After the Bradford Pear he decided that the car was unlucky.
We messed with the engine AND where a mechanic would look we put an letter saying that the car was not working on purpose, if he fixed it he'd assume responsibility for accidents caused by a man with diagnosed dementia. Mechanics agreed with him that the car was unlucky. Earlier he had forgotten how to get the car into reverse.
Your problems are still out driving and maybe getting lost. Make sure to hide in his wallet contacts with family who aren't demented yet. Also similar contacts through out the car.
Pray they don't get meaner as dementia takes over. My MIL attacked the dining hall where she was living. Better the dining hall chairs than her family (or in OP's situation his Mother).
There are usually good people who work at the utilities - contact them and be put on a "call me if the bill isn't paid" until your Mother can learn to do the minimum.
Set up a list of expectations: when bills of their are due. Print it out and let her keep track of the arrival of bills for three months or so. Let the bank know that she can sign checks.
Talk to their neighbors and make sure the neighbors have you phone number and any other ways to contact you.
It's a horrible thing that your Mother is going through and she is probably not going to her friends for understanding. Maybe talk to her after dinner every other night might help.
After the Bradford Pear he decided that the car was unlucky.
We messed with the engine AND where a mechanic would look we put an letter saying that the car was not working on purpose, if he fixed it he'd assume responsibility for accidents caused by a man with diagnosed dementia. Mechanics agreed with him that the car was unlucky. Earlier he had forgotten how to get the car into reverse.
Your problems are still out driving and maybe getting lost. Make sure to hide in his wallet contacts with family who aren't demented yet. Also similar contacts through out the car.
Pray they don't get meaner as dementia takes over. My MIL attacked the dining hall where she was living. Better the dining hall chairs than her family (or in OP's situation his Mother).
There are usually good people who work at the utilities - contact them and be put on a "call me if the bill isn't paid" until your Mother can learn to do the minimum.
Set up a list of expectations: when bills of their are due. Print it out and let her keep track of the arrival of bills for three months or so. Let the bank know that she can sign checks.
Talk to their neighbors and make sure the neighbors have you phone number and any other ways to contact you.
It's a horrible thing that your Mother is going through and she is probably not going to her friends for understanding. Maybe talk to her after dinner every other night might help.
Posted on 10/28/22 at 7:12 pm to StringedInstruments
My mom made it to 92 before dementia/Alzheimer's reared its ugly head. She's 94 now. Luckily, she decided to stop driving because she wasn't seeing well, so we didn't have decide for her, but belligerence has been frequent as the disease progresses. She's reached the stage where she "sees" and "hears" things, which is another touchy problem to deal with. Get ready for short-term memory to almost completely vanish. Be patient; it's frustrating.
Try calling her doctor and asking for a conference with him outside your FIL's presence. That way you can explain what is going on and FIL's doctor will know what to watch for at the next check-up, and he will give you advice on how to best handle the situations that arise. That system works well for us.
We've been told "don't argue with her, agree with everything" but that's kind of hard to do when she's trying to walk down the road to visit a sibling who died decades ago, or trying to leave "this place" to go "home" when she's in the home she had built in 1993. I've found that taking her for a drive, pointing out places and dredging up memories from years past and stopping for maybe an ice cream at a drive-thru will often calm her and distract her from the rant.
It's a tightrope, man. Wishing you the best of luck.
Try calling her doctor and asking for a conference with him outside your FIL's presence. That way you can explain what is going on and FIL's doctor will know what to watch for at the next check-up, and he will give you advice on how to best handle the situations that arise. That system works well for us.
We've been told "don't argue with her, agree with everything" but that's kind of hard to do when she's trying to walk down the road to visit a sibling who died decades ago, or trying to leave "this place" to go "home" when she's in the home she had built in 1993. I've found that taking her for a drive, pointing out places and dredging up memories from years past and stopping for maybe an ice cream at a drive-thru will often calm her and distract her from the rant.
It's a tightrope, man. Wishing you the best of luck.
Posted on 10/28/22 at 7:14 pm to real turf fan
Went through this with my grandpa and it is terrible and only gets worse until the end. We would find him wondering around the neighborhood if we weren’t watching him 24/7. And the crazy thing is he would remember things from his childhood and talk about his cousins that he grew up with him that had been gone for years as if he saw them yesterday.
He was a sailor in WW2 and would always be doing knots with his hands as if he was tying rope on a ship.
Really makes me contemplate humane euthanasia when people get to such a point that they have lost all dignity. It’s crazy that our pets are afforded that luxury but not our close loved ones.
He was a sailor in WW2 and would always be doing knots with his hands as if he was tying rope on a ship.
Really makes me contemplate humane euthanasia when people get to such a point that they have lost all dignity. It’s crazy that our pets are afforded that luxury but not our close loved ones.
Posted on 10/28/22 at 7:25 pm to StringedInstruments
It depends did he used to be POTUS or is he POTUS now ?
Posted on 10/28/22 at 7:39 pm to Merica
Really good advice and stories here. So sorry to hear how many people this has affected. 
Posted on 10/28/22 at 7:45 pm to StringedInstruments
Some additional advice, if he starts talking about the old days because that’s all he can remember, embrace that shite. Act like you are back in 1969 if you have to but just make them feel comfortable and don’t tell them they are wrong and out of place because nothing good can possibly come from it. Just go with it.
Posted on 10/28/22 at 9:19 pm to Merica
OK, there were a few funny things.
After MIL died, FIL was still out of assisted living, but declining. We loaned him a cat so he'd have a responsibility and everytime the cat asked for food, he'd feed her. (Fat, happy cat).
But somehow he locked her in a bedroom. He was seeing dead people by then and happened to tell a neighbor we hadn't warned, so they called the police. The badge didn't work. They got into the house and saw the locked door. Strange sounds (angry cat) coming from behind the door. They opened the door. Cat came running out. FIL said "Funny, that looks just like the cat I buried in the back yard."
Police checked the cat-less backyard. We took the cat back and put her on a diet.
The cat probably gave him half a year more of being self sufficient. Cat had earned her pension.
After MIL died, FIL was still out of assisted living, but declining. We loaned him a cat so he'd have a responsibility and everytime the cat asked for food, he'd feed her. (Fat, happy cat).
But somehow he locked her in a bedroom. He was seeing dead people by then and happened to tell a neighbor we hadn't warned, so they called the police. The badge didn't work. They got into the house and saw the locked door. Strange sounds (angry cat) coming from behind the door. They opened the door. Cat came running out. FIL said "Funny, that looks just like the cat I buried in the back yard."
Police checked the cat-less backyard. We took the cat back and put her on a diet.
The cat probably gave him half a year more of being self sufficient. Cat had earned her pension.
Posted on 10/28/22 at 10:27 pm to StringedInstruments
My dads Alzheimers is progressing pretty rapidly. Conversations get pretty wild with him these days and we have to deadbolt all of the doors.
The best advice I can give is to meet him where he is. Dont try to convince him that he doesnt see or believe what he believes. You wont be able to. You dont have to necessarily play along. Just dont try to prove him wrong.
Show him old pictures of himself and his family. Talk with him as much as you can about his past. Long term memory will last longer than short term memory.
Music has been incredibly therapeutic for my dad. Strangely, Indian sitar (Ravi Shankar) will calm him down in a couple minutes.
Definitely get him to a doctor. Not just for the azlheimers medication but also for an SSRI if he seems to be angry. It made a world of difference for my dad.
Good luck, man. This is a really hard thing to go through but youll become a bit accustomed to it. Sad to say but you end up mourning them early on in the disease.
The best advice I can give is to meet him where he is. Dont try to convince him that he doesnt see or believe what he believes. You wont be able to. You dont have to necessarily play along. Just dont try to prove him wrong.
Show him old pictures of himself and his family. Talk with him as much as you can about his past. Long term memory will last longer than short term memory.
Music has been incredibly therapeutic for my dad. Strangely, Indian sitar (Ravi Shankar) will calm him down in a couple minutes.
Definitely get him to a doctor. Not just for the azlheimers medication but also for an SSRI if he seems to be angry. It made a world of difference for my dad.
Good luck, man. This is a really hard thing to go through but youll become a bit accustomed to it. Sad to say but you end up mourning them early on in the disease.
Posted on 10/28/22 at 10:55 pm to StringedInstruments
My Dad is 89 and has early Dementia. I’ve moved him from assisted living in Gulf Shores to a memory care facility in Baton Rouge. Some days are good, some days he’s on a tear. Still wants to be in control but can’t remember anything short term.
We went through the same thing with my mom who passed in 2018. I hope to God I don’t go through what they have and are going through. Based on family history it doesn’t look good.
We went through the same thing with my mom who passed in 2018. I hope to God I don’t go through what they have and are going through. Based on family history it doesn’t look good.
Posted on 10/29/22 at 12:12 am to Merica
quote:
He was a sailor in WW2 and would always be doing knots with his hands as if he was tying rope on a ship.
My grandad can’t figure out how to use the remote control for the tv but in moments of perfect clarity, randomly talk about the long flight to Korea during that war and how he would sneak onto a tank just to try to absorb some of the warmth from
The engine as it was cold as frick there
Posted on 10/29/22 at 12:17 am to StringedInstruments
If you are concerned about his driving and endangering others the his family should take control and get involved.
We unfortunately did this with my dad a few years ago.
We unfortunately did this with my dad a few years ago.
Posted on 10/29/22 at 12:28 am to StringedInstruments
focus on blood labs. Make sure glucose levels are not high. Keto diet. Plenty of sleep. Continue his cardio. Work on resistance exercises and add protein to diet to gain muscle. Muscle mass helps better metabolize glucose. Test ketones and try to stay at level 1.5 and higher.
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