re: Today is the 45th anniversary of the worst day of my life

I remind myself of this exact thought often. How sad it would be to be unaffected emotionally after the passing of a parent or other family/close friends. Our sadness comes from the love we have for the people no longer physically with us.

quote:

---

It’s hard to lose people, but it would be even sadder if you had nobody that loved you or you loved enough to cry when one of you is gone.

---

My dad died young from pancreatic cancer after spending his entire adult life as a raging alcoholic. My wife pointed out to me that in one month I will be the same age as my father when he left this world. I was caught completely off guard when she hit me with that fact.

quote:

---

We lost a 2 year old son many years ago. Seeing someone so small hurt so bad and there isn't anything you can do about it... I still think about him quite a bit.

---

Unfortunately I know how this feels. Prayers mate.

I lost mine earlier this year. Didn't really hit me until we started with "the firsts," e.g., "first Thanksgiving" a couple of weeks ago. A few well minded friends with experience seemed to expect it was going to hit like that, and contrary to the "time heals all wounds" advice, they had some more constructive and optimistic ways of looking at it.
To your nice comment, that's kind of the idea. Whatever tiny good thing I do, or pass on to my kinds, I credit him.

I am the youngest child but am now older than my father when he passed. It seems very weird sometimes.

So my mom recently passed away and I am struggling to find a good gift to get my pop. I want it to be special. Any ideas are welcome.

quote:

---

It’s bullshite. Time doesn’t heal anything

---

That’s just as wrong. Time does indeed dull the pain of emotional loss most of the time. Apparently some people have trauma that never gets better. That has never happened to me. I lost mom and dad, and I grieved for days. It’s been about 10 years since mom passed, and 20 years for dad. I go a full week without thinking of them sometimes. I’d say time healed those wounds.

Heals.....no. But the pain and grief become less overwhelming.

quote:

---

Wrong. Time heals nothing. In my experience you never “get over” losing someone close to you, but you eventually get better at dealing with it.

---

I do think time heals lots of things. I'm just not sure the loss of a super close loved one falls into that category. But shite like bad relationships and whatnot, time definitely heals that kind of stuff.

The problem with losing a parent or (especially) a child is that the pain is so strong and so close to home and heart that it doesn't ever go away. I agree with you that time more or less helps you deal with it better, but that's not enough. If I ever lost my boy I'm not quite sure what I would do or how I wuold go on in life.

But this is from the "My daughter passed away" thread from a few weeks ago, and it's not only good advice, but heartbreaking at the same time. And I think it applies for a thread like this:

quote:

---

I am so sorry, Hurricane. Praying for you and your wife.

Having gone through virtually the same thing about 20 years ago myself, I would like to offer some advice:

1. It will take you months before you can make it through a day without crying

2. It will take you years before you can make it through a week without crying.

3. I will let you know how long it takes to get thru a month without crying when I find out.

---

There are more bullets, but those three have stuck with me ever since I saw that thread. 20 years passed and this person still cries at least once a month for the baby they lost. That kind of grief and pain is on another level and I can't imagine dealing with that.

quote:

---

good gift to get my pop. I want it to be special.

---

Time together.
Be there.
Could be an activity you both like, but mostly just being together in the moment.

Could take a trip together. Could go out and get lunch together. Work on a project together. Hike together. Play a game together.