re: Tips for a Best Mans Speech

You aren't as funny as you think you are

"it truly is an honor to be your best man.

So let's all raise a glass and toast to honor.

Get honor
Stay honor

And if you can't cum in her, come on her."

Keep it short and sweet. It’s going to be a long day. Don’t plan on doing anything long winded. You’re going to be tipsy by the time it happens so if you’ve already planned a quick, short message things will go as planned.

"It's great to finally see them together....the bride's legs, that is."

-Bob Mortimer

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I'm the best man in my friends wedding in two weeks, and I figured now is the best time to start working on the best mans speech. Have a few things down but I'm kind of hitting a wall.

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Open with a self-deprecating joke about why you were chosen to be the best man.

Transition to a story about how you and the groom met and how your friendship progressed over the years.

Tell a funny story about how stupid he was in his teens, college years but he's always been there for you and couldn't ask for a better man to call a friend.

Transition into how he's obviously making better decisions these days, winking and motioning towards the bride.

Transition into how you were introduced to his future bride. Make up shite about how you saw something in your friend[groom] change/grow when they began dating. And you have never seen him so happy and confident in all the years you've known him.

Conclude with gay shite like "Raise your glasses, ladies and gentlemen. And let's toast this wonderful couple. May you enjoy all the happiness and blessings the world has to offer. I couldn't be more proud to be a part of your union and celebration. Thanks everyone, good night!"



I've done this a time or two.

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Do not make the speech about you in an way. If you reference the bride only be positive.

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Best advice in the thread. No one is there to see you. You don't have to be a dullard, but don't be the guy hogging the microphone at someone else's wedding.

Be sure to mention the time you had a meth-fueled threeway with the bride and the groom's mother.

Make up a story on how the groom called you after he banged the bride crying about missing his ex lol

My cousins (bride) wedding a few years ago included several things to file under "Do Not" for the best mans speech:

1. Discuss grooms crazy exes.
2. Compliment the bride on being "the least crazy" of all of them
3. Say the grooms bald head looks like a penis.

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apparently the brides family is very straight edge, barely drink, and all of that. The bride has bitched about that aspect of her family before. So basically I have to be walking a tight rope and I don't know what will cross the line

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I was in this same situation years ago and the brides family was very concerned about what I was going to say. So after welcoming everyone, I began speaking to the groom " I'm gonna give you some pointers on lying, cheating and stealing"...take a couple seconds pause here and then " lie next to your beautiful wife every night, cheat the world to protect her at all cost and steal her heart every day"