re: Stupid ways to get fired? Got any good stories?

Not fired per se, but definitely let go. I used to work in a small Podunk town, but wanted to work closer to where I grew up. Told the boss, I want to be closer to home (well before remote work was a possibility). Boss made overtures to keep me, tried to tell me I could buy a home and he could help get my wife work in this little shite town. I told him no. The plan was to work a month or two there, build up a nest egg, while looking for work where I wanted to be. I thought I had plenty of time...I did not.

By some awful stroke of luck, boss got wind of someone who knew an accountant that was moving to this shite town and wanted a job. That would be my job. He politely told me to kick rocks, which he was well within his right to do so. I didn't hold any ill will. Dude has a business to run. Wife was six months pregnant at the time as well. So it was a bit of a shock to the system. 1 month of hell...and I found an even better job, where I wanted to be. Still here. The Great Magnet steers us in weird places. Buy the ticket, take the ride.

A guy was too lazy to pad his round sheet so he padded one and made a bunch of xerox copies.

Guy in warehouse on night shift didn't want to admit he got his arse whipped in a fight so he said he was attacked by guys dressed like ninjas. FBI got involved because of the nature of our business.

I have a bunch,but have to go to the store.

Not fired...but I had a guy I worked with who quit. Prior to quitting he sent out an e-mail to the entire company that included:

How one VP was a "glorified hairdresser" who slept her way to the top.

How the company Thanksgiving luncheon (deep fried turkey prepared on site by supervisors) was not cooked properly (internal temperature too low) and that the person who was handling the turkey left a toilet stall in the company bathroom (after #2) and did not wash his hands before going outside to handle the turkey.

Falling asleep at the client site and looking up porn on the client computer have to be two of the dumbest I've seen.

The guy that fell asleep was a staff and got reassigned to a different client. Porn kid was an intern and needless to say he did not get a full time offer.

Years ago, I was on a job site with a coworker. He told a customer to "Bite me." He gone.

Worked in a tire and auto shop. This teenager, who had just gotten a job there, asked if he could leave early for the day... Not uncommon request... but he added because he wanted to go apply for new job somewhere else.

The manager said he could leave early and he didn't have to come back tomorrow either.

Before that the same kid had been fired from a Ford dealership. He misracked a shelby mustang on the lift. It flipped off while it was in the air. Right in front of some big windows where all the customers could see.

He told all of us this like his first week on the job. Not the brightest kid, but I hope he figured things out.

This coworker was caught outside of the building in this little lean to, standing up passed out with a needle still in his arm. Guy who found him said he jumped too and the needle came out and blood got all over the side of the building. He was going to a methadone clinic but not sure what he was really on. Not sure how he ever kept his job but when the boss of the company was drunk by noon, things tend to slip through the cracks. Surprisingly that company done went out of business.

It was before my time but in the early days of internet at work, which was also the early days of internet porn. Mostly raunchy pics that took several minutes to download.

Older guy has his personal email open in the office within plain view of everyone. He opens an email with fwd;Bush (W was the president at the time) in the subject and gets up to get a cup of coffee. Within a minute or two the pic loads, some chick spread eagle with a huge bush taking up most of the screen. He chats around the office and by the time he gets back, manager is standing by his desk and fires him on the spot.

Had a guy at work who was sending proactive pictures to a female colleague. Got in trouble for it, after she complained to HR, but not fired. I guess because it wasn't porn. As a condition of continued employment he agreed he wouldn't send any such pictures to her from his computer. After awhile, dumbass eventually started printing them out and putting them in her chair - that did it.