re: Spinoff: Dumbest Thing You've Heard a Coach Say

Let's go boys! It's the last Wednesday of the week!

When I messed up my blocking and I would try to explain myself it would start with "I thought..." and my coach used to interupt right then and say "You thought...You Fart...You shite on Yourself". Stuck with me since I was 10.

Larry bettencourt. "Come here buddy boy"

My 7th grade coach told me to pass more. I told him to frick off and let me get that bread.

Boxing coach: "Keep your eye on the ball."

In 1980 playing, while the Bogalusa Lumberjacks ,there. Early at halftime, while under the goalpost on our end of field, he screams so loud at a Black Player calling him a "Mother fricking lowdown yellow dog" that every one in the stands on both sides of the field easily heard him. To this day my 86 yr old father still gets a big kick out of that. Oh and nothing said to Coach , a few yrs later became Head Coached , Coaching both of his Sons who went on to become Tigers.

My HS basketball coach asked one of our post players why he decided to jack a three when we were in a close game.

Player: I had a brain fart, coach
Coach: Brain fart? Well you're right it sure did stink

HS football. If someone mixed up their left or right:

"No, son. You're American left/right!" (jokingly likening it to, say, the Imperial versus metric systems)

Not really dumb, just quirky and good memories.

My Soph/JV position coach in football used to always say "You gotta know what you're doing before you know what you're doing." It was his go-to phrase when someone had a busted assignment or messed up a drill. Makes no sense. Same coach used to try to show us how to do footwork drills on the bags and ropes. He'd routinely bust his arse and tell us "that's how you don't do the drill" but in a 100% serious, no joking way.

Also, our varsity HC ended every pregame prayer "stick it in their arse and break it off sideways. Amen."

Not mine but a roommate told this one over some beers one night:

They had been beaten by a team that they had no business losing to. He said they made five errors, the pitchers walked eight guys, and they had a kid miss a bunt signal. This all happened on a Friday, and the coach called a practice the next morning.

My roommate then tells us that the next morning, after stretching, running, and warming up, the assistant coach tells them to all get in the dugout. The HC rolls up on an old Snapper lawn mower, "the kind Forrest Gump used." He says that on the lawnmower is a roll of TP sitting on the handle.

The coach proceeds to cuss and scream at them for two and a half hours, all the while never referencing the TP, and never leaving the seat of the lawnmower. When he is done yelling, there is a long pause... then the coach grabs the TP, throws it at one of the freshmen who hadn't played the night before... and says "If you're going to shite on me at least have the decency to wipe it up." He then cranked the mower and drove off, the assistant coach pokes his head out from behind the dugout and says "practice is over... go home."