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re: Question for OT Parents with older kids

Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:24 pm to
Posted by braves21
Member since Sep 2022
510 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:24 pm to
Most if not all (at least male) brain has not fully developed at 17 and 18.
Posted by OK Roughneck
The Sooner State
Member since Aug 2021
9348 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:26 pm to
quote:

Do you feel this has become the norm in America?



Hope it's not the norm. My mid 20's kid finished college at 21 with a bachelor degree, got a job and was financially independent from me 3 months after that. They haven't lived in my home since leaving for college.
Posted by BOSCEAUX
Where the Down Boys go.
Member since Mar 2008
47737 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:30 pm to
quote:

They haven't lived in my home since leaving for college.


They didn’t come home for Summers?
Posted by braves21
Member since Sep 2022
510 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:31 pm to
quote:

There are 17 year olds enlisting in the military, today.


And they're told what to do all day and when to sleep
Posted by OK Roughneck
The Sooner State
Member since Aug 2021
9348 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:32 pm to
quote:

They didn’t come home for Summers?



Just to visit they took summer classes despite my wishes they take a break and enjoy free summers while you can.
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 6:35 pm
Posted by mikelbr
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
47506 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:40 pm to
My two adult kids 21 and 19 are pretty self sufficient. They both got Tops plus good scholarships for full time schoolin. They both work as well.

I still fill up their tanks, get their oil changed, cash app $100 here and there. As well as pay for medical dental and cell phone bills.

My two younger kids 16 and 15 can frick right off. money grubbing little shits in high school. prom dresses, prom shoes. dance camp. cheer camp. fee for this fee for that. $30 to go eat with friends while I fricking have folder full of BK/Subway coupons to eat. Everything they do cost $50-100. frick!

I hate kids some times
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 6:57 pm
Posted by Pelican fan99
Lafayette, Louisiana
Member since Jun 2013
34762 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:43 pm to
I would bet easily at least half of people in their 20s have their parents help in some way and don’t really see an issue with that. Needing your parents help in your 30s is kinda pathetic though
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
48556 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:45 pm to
quote:

My two younger kids 16 and 15 can frick right off. money grubbing little shits in high school.

Yep. I feel like drug dealer with all of my Cash App transactions.
Posted by terriblegreen
Souf Badden Rewage
Member since Aug 2011
9645 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:56 pm to
We have an almost 22 year old graduating from nursing school in a month. We are letting her stay with us until August. Shes entering adulthood debt free and already has a job. I think that’s fair. But in August…. Ya gots to go!
Posted by Tantal
Member since Sep 2012
13995 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 6:59 pm to
quote:

have they gotten better or are they still lazy as shite

They're both working full-time and supporting themselves, but aren't showing any signs of going back to school to better themselves.
Posted by LSBoosie
Member since Jun 2020
7816 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 7:32 pm to
Haha that was mainly tongue in cheek. Thats good for them, I just can’t imagine two people on a teachers salary. I know a couple in a similar situation, guy in med school, wife is a teacher and they just had a baby. I think they are probably a couple that the OP is referring to and getting some help from their parents.
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 7:32 pm
Posted by PhiTiger1764
Lurker since Aug 2003
Member since Oct 2009
13863 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 7:44 pm to
quote:

No, I exactly do. Whether I had one kid or four, the "family" rate is the same.

You're missing my point. It's not about the money, it's about responsibility

Imagine thinking you are being a good parent and teaching responsibility by stealing a few hundred dollars every month from your 24 year old.
Posted by Krane
Member since Oct 2017
858 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 7:49 pm to
Im 37, fairly successful, married with a kid and my mom and dad still try to pay for my gas, insurance, bills
Posted by BOSCEAUX
Where the Down Boys go.
Member since Mar 2008
47737 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:11 pm to
quote:

Haha that was mainly tongue in cheek. Thats good for them, I just can’t imagine two people on a teachers salary. I know a couple in a similar situation, guy in med school, wife is a teacher and they just had a baby. I think they are probably a couple that the OP is referring to and getting some help from their parents.


I bought him a gas grill for Christmas. They both love it. Their best friends from high school come over some weekends and the grill cheap meat like poor people and play D&D like the nerds they are.

ETA: they definitely do not spend outside their means or do anything extravagant. He was raised to no the value of a dollar and like I said earlier she didn’t come from much so she knows how to make it stretch. I couldn’t be prouder of them. I’m just ready for him to be a full fledged Dr. So I can get me a grand child and spoil it rotten.
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 8:15 pm
Posted by Swoozie
Member since Jan 2021
1009 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:13 pm to
Oldest (early 30s) - not at all.

Middle - 23 and will graduate in May. We pay most of his bills.
Posted by Hawgnsincebirth55
Gods country
Member since Sep 2016
16050 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:02 pm to
quote:

They're both working full-time and supporting themselves, but aren't showing any signs of going back to school to better themselves.
maybe school just isn’t for them.
Posted by Ric Flair
Charlotte
Member since Oct 2005
13657 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:16 pm to
I think the best way to do this is tell the kid that they will get whatever the remainder is from their college fund in cash when they graduate college. Makes them more budget conscious as an undergrad, and if you give them 10k just before they start their first real job (covering apartment deposit, emergency fund, etc), they will already have the budgeting skills to use the money wisely. Of course, if they blow through the whole fund in college, they don’t get the “starter fund” at graduation. Bottom line is that you need to teach your kids about money and budgeting early (before they leave for college).
Posted by hofman
The Parish
Member since Nov 2007
118 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:18 pm to
I have 4 kids from 30 down to 22. Oldest 2 are married and support themselves. Another is getting married this year and moving out. Youngest will be at home for the next couple of years. They are self supporting, except for housing.
Posted by makersmark1
earth
Member since Oct 2011
15857 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:25 pm to
It’s true.

Fidelity said it’s like 42%.

If you work in the same town and everyone gets along, it’s a good way to save money for your future.

This may sound hokey, but I’d like to by a duplex in a nice area and have one of our kids live close to us. I can’t seem to find one right now at a decent price.

We give our kids a lot.
We fully fund their Roth IRAs.
I do this as a legacy to them.
We pay the cell phones. It’s a perk.
We do some other things for them- meals out together, vacations, etc. We can afford to do some nice things for our kids.

My kids have never been arrested and both work full time.
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 9:38 pm
Posted by Hangit
The Green Swamp
Member since Aug 2014
39128 posts
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:27 pm to
quote:

hat he is welcome to stay at home either during grad level school or for a limited time when he begins his career provided he pay a small amt of room and board.


Great idea on the room and board. Put it in an account in his name and surprise him with it when he leaves the nest.

We still cover her car insurance, but just because of logistics. This time is the last though. She is setting up her own. She also doesn't pay for the gas when I need to use my truck to bring things places for her. I also pay when we go out to eat. I am OK with both.
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