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re: Question about relationships, economic advantage of one party, and chores
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:53 pm to SlowFlowPro
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:53 pm to SlowFlowPro
Pod Of Geauxld?
0
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:54 pm to rondo
quote:
this guy.... he gets it
so you're purposefully sabotage the economic potential/realization of your spouse b/c you're jealous? or upset that the person who does chores in your house isn't the person you believe should be doing them?
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:55 pm to OweO
quote:
So someone wants to take on a 2nd job in order to pay someone to do a job, they could do, if they didn't have the 2nd job?
yes but the 2nd job would pay more than the cost of the chores. it's not an even split
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:58 pm to Eighteen
quote:
I find anytime you focus on “fairness” in a relationship it’s already failing. Nothing will ever be “fair”, and focusing on fairness always just leads to anger/bitterness
This. It’s a relationship, you should want to do whatever you can to help the other person, make their day better, make life happy, etc. Divying up chores and worrying about who brings in what income is an economic partnership and not a relationship.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:00 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
yes but the 2nd job would pay more than the cost of the chores. it's not an even split
I'm having trouble wrapping my head around any lack of support for this. You're getting paid money (with leftover money) to do something fun. Some of your household chores are being done by a pro.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:00 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
OK here is the scenario. You have a couple with an even split of household chores (just a general concept, the individual chores are irrelevant but the labor split is 50/50). One party wants to engage in a second job and use the income from that job to pay the help to hire someone to do his/her chores, and the couple will still receive excess income above the cost of this help. The other member of the couple is not capable of earning this income (let's assume he/she has restrictions on their job so they can't receive 2nd income).
Is this fair?
I guess it's "fair", but relationships aren't about "fair". This would bring up issues, IMO. It's a slippery slope, are we assuming that both parties make an equal salary in their current jobs? If not, that brings up another issue. If chores are split 50/50, and 50% of the chores are being done by someone else, there is still half of the chores remaining and that should be split between the two parties.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:00 pm to SlowFlowPro
I would argue that a healthy relationship attempts to split the hardships and balance eachother happiness.
Depending on just how much of an enjoyable breeze the 2nd job is, that person would ideally offer to take something negative off of the other's plate.
Depending on just how much of an enjoyable breeze the 2nd job is, that person would ideally offer to take something negative off of the other's plate.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:00 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
oh i know i'm not wrong and i know it will 100% create conflict
Right...but I'm afraid this is what this conversation is going to sound like though...
quote:
it seems that the primary arguments against this set up are inefficient and based in only emotion
that can be flipped around. why would you ever want to inhibit your spouse/significant other from their economic potential over silly chores (that aren't even ignored. they do get done. just by 3rd parties)
Just no...no. I'm telling you this with 20+ years of happy marriage in my rear view mirror. My wife is the absolute coolest and even I think she'd quietly be pissy if I tried this. Of course it's about emotion...
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:01 pm to Epic Cajun
quote:
If chores are split 50/50, and 50% of the chores are being done by someone else, there is still half of the chores remaining and that should be split between the two parties.
so one person works more to pay for half the chores and still should do half the remaining chores?
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:02 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
yes but the 2nd job would pay more than the cost of the chores. it's not an even split
Could the second job pay for all of the chores?
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:02 pm to SlowFlowPro
SFP--I'm not ging back to your first post. Does your wife work? If so, then why wouldn't you both pay for help and not have any chores?
It seems very affordable with dual incomes, one being an attorney.
It seems very affordable with dual incomes, one being an attorney.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:04 pm to SlowFlowPro
This thread seems a little Zucky.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:04 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
so one person works more to pay for half the chores and still should do half the remaining chores?
It depends on what those chores are. You say it's irrelevant, but it's really not.
ETA: And you aren't working more TO pay for half the chores. That's just a secondary or tertiary benefit at best.
This post was edited on 6/6/18 at 1:07 pm
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:05 pm to uway
quote:
This thread seems a little Zucky.
i was the original autistic robot, bruv
i'm just now getting back in the groove after about 6 months "off"
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:06 pm to LSUBoo
quote:
It depends on what those chores are. You say it's irrelevant, but it's really not.
divide them up however your brain feels is most fair. it was left vague for a reason, it's not supposed to matter, so you can divide it however you want so that it matters the least
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:06 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
that can be flipped around. why would you ever want to inhibit your spouse/significant other from their economic potential over silly chores (that aren't even ignored. they do get done. just by 3rd parties)
Your op doesn't have enough info. Does the second job preclude the other person from doing chores?
If you do a one hour podcast once or twice a week, what are you doing the other 5 days a week?
Your situation makes more sense if the second job is something that would make it entirely unreasonable to do any additional work at home, as in they are working 12-14 hour days or something like that.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:07 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
it seems that the primary arguments against this set up are inefficient and based in only emotion
that can be flipped around. why would you ever want to inhibit your spouse/significant other from their economic potential over silly chores (that aren't even ignored. they do get done. just by 3rd parties)
Relationships/marriages are emotional, not logical.
I can't tell my wife "Hey, I make more money than you, so I'm going to pay someone to do all of my chores, while you still have to work and come home and do chores".
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:07 pm to SlowFlowPro
Why the frick would anyone take a second job to pay for someone to do work for you and just break even?
If anyone in my household is going to take a second job...it's not to hire help and break even.....
If anyone in my household is going to take a second job...it's not to hire help and break even.....
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:07 pm to chryso
quote:
Could the second job pay for all of the chores?
that is a follow up. i was really hoping to get more female input in the thread before going there
but that was going to be where i tried to divert the conversation about page 3-5: "what if the second job paid for all the chores?"
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:07 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
so one person works more to pay for half the chores and still should do half the remaining chores?
I think the issue is more than the chores. When you are both home doing chores you are together, you are working like a team. If you get a second job you are no longer together.
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