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re: Question about relationships, economic advantage of one party, and chores

Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:08 pm to
Posted by GeauxTigerTM
Member since Sep 2006
30596 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:08 pm to
quote:

so one person works more to pay for half the chores and still should do half the remaining chores?


You ever get asked if you brought enough gum for the whole class?

Same here. There is a very solid shot that the second person will still expect the first person to then share half of the remaining chores, or pay for all chores to be done by a third party.

On the other hand...do you guys split chores into personal things that need to be done? Like...only wash your own clothes, clean your own dishes, etc? Maybe then this makes sense, because you'd simply be outsourcing what would truly be YOUR chores.

If you split them randomly, you'd be paying for half of THE CHORES to be done not half of YOUR chores...
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
423384 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:08 pm to
quote:

If you do a one hour podcast once or twice a week, what are you doing the other 5 days a week?


working the first job

quote:

Your situation makes more sense if the second job is something that would make it entirely unreasonable to do any additional work at home, as in they are working 12-14 hour days or something like that.

i don't see why this really matters. without the 2nd job, that primary job would still be grueling, and that person would still have their chore-share
Posted by Epic Cajun
Lafayette, LA
Member since Feb 2013
32737 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:09 pm to
quote:

If I'm in charge of the lawn and other outside chores, and I take a second job and use some of that money to hire Owlfan to take care of that for me, that's perfectly fair.

Right, but are you going to be sitting on your arse while your wife is working on chores around the house? IMO, if someone handles all of your outside stuff, you should split the inside stuff with your wife
Posted by JohnnyKilroy
Cajun Navy Vice Admiral
Member since Oct 2012
35558 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:09 pm to
quote:


so one person works more to pay for half the chores and still should do half the remaining chores?


Yes. Both parties take full responsibility for handling household chores in successful long term relationships. Each party doesn't take 50%.
Posted by LSUBoo
Knoxville, TN
Member since Mar 2006
101930 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:09 pm to
quote:

divide them up however your brain feels is most fair. it was left vague for a reason, it's not supposed to matter, so you can divide it however you want so that it matters the least


But... it does matter.

It most certainly matters.

It can matter less or more, but it matters.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
423384 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:10 pm to
quote:

When you are both home doing chores you are together, you are working like a team. If you get a second job you are no longer together.

but why does this matter, especially in this specific context?

there would still be, presumably, time together during the week
Posted by tgrbaitn08
Member since Dec 2007
146214 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:11 pm to
quote:

If I'm in charge of the lawn and other outside chores, and I take a second job and use some of that money to hire Owlfan to take care of that for me, that's perfectly fair.



as long as you split whatever is left over with your wife then I think it's fair
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
423384 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:11 pm to
quote:

On the other hand...do you guys split chores into personal things that need to be done? Like...only wash your own clothes, clean your own dishes, etc? Maybe then this makes sense, because you'd simply be outsourcing what would truly be YOUR chores.

If you split them randomly, you'd be paying for half of THE CHORES to be done not half of YOUR chores...

i'm much more envisioning this as half of ALL the chores
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
423384 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:11 pm to
quote:

Right, but are you going to be sitting on your arse while your wife is working on chores around the house? I

presumably, you'd be working
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
423384 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:12 pm to
quote:

as long as you split whatever is left over with your wife then I think it's fair

money or chores, or both?
Posted by JohnnyKilroy
Cajun Navy Vice Admiral
Member since Oct 2012
35558 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:12 pm to
quote:

working the first job


So the same thing as the party with only one job?

This response makes it seem like your hypo has one person working two jobs and the other just being a homemaker
Posted by tgrbaitn08
Member since Dec 2007
146214 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:12 pm to
quote:

presumably, you'd be working



what if she waits until you get home from your second job to do her chores?
Posted by LSUBoo
Knoxville, TN
Member since Mar 2006
101930 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:12 pm to
quote:

quote:

Right, but are you going to be sitting on your arse while your wife is working on chores around the house? I


presumably, you'd be working



Reality is, you'll be helping with all of that when you're not working either job.
Posted by tgrbaitn08
Member since Dec 2007
146214 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:13 pm to
quote:

both
Posted by HoustonChick86
Catalina Wine Mixer
Member since Dec 2009
57435 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:13 pm to
quote:

yes but the 2nd job would pay more than the cost of the chores. it's not an even split

Use the income from the second job to pay the maid to clean the whole house. Less chores for everyone. Still seems fair since the second job is a hobby job and not taken out of necessity. Let the SO with the non-second job pick up the slack on general house pick up like making sure the counters are wiped down, things are picked up, stuff the maid doesn't do.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
423384 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:14 pm to
quote:

This response makes it seem like your hypo has one person working two jobs and the other just being a homemaker

why?

natural status: both people have a job M-F and 50/50 chores

hypothetical stauts: one party has job M-F and 50% of the chores, while the other has a job M-F and a second job, while using income from the 2nd job to pay for its share of the chores (With excess leftover)
Posted by DavidTheGnome
Monroe
Member since Apr 2015
29227 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:14 pm to
quote:

I think the issue is more than the chores. When you are both home doing chores you are together, you are working like a team. If you get a second job you are no longer together.


Yep. Spending time together is an important component too. If you are off working that’s a loss to the relationship compared to if you were at the house.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
423384 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:14 pm to
quote:

what if she waits until you get home from your second job to do her chores?

how would that be my concern after finishing my second job?

that would be intentional sabotage on her end. why would i incentivize that kind of behavior?
This post was edited on 6/6/18 at 1:15 pm
Posted by tgrbaitn08
Member since Dec 2007
146214 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:15 pm to
quote:

Use the income from the second job to pay the maid to clean the whole house


I just cant wrap my brain around taking a second job just to pay someone to do chores around my house and not have any money left over.

There has to be a profit margin....
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32719 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:15 pm to
How much money are you expecting to make podcasting
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