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Question about relationships, economic advantage of one party, and chores

Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:08 pm
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422598 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:08 pm
OK here is the scenario. You have a couple with an even split of household chores (just a general concept, the individual chores are irrelevant but the labor split is 50/50). One party wants to engage in a second job and use the income from that job to pay the help to hire someone to do his/her chores, and the couple will still receive excess income above the cost of this help. The other member of the couple is not capable of earning this income (let's assume he/she has restrictions on their job so they can't receive 2nd income).

Is this fair?
Posted by PearlJam
NotBeardEaves
Member since Aug 2014
13908 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:10 pm to
Relationships aren't about equity. They only thrive with a certain selflessness.

But, yes, it is fair.
Posted by GeauxTigerTM
Member since Sep 2006
30596 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:12 pm to
quote:

Is this fair?


Are you asking is it ok to pay for someone to come in and do only their own chores while the other party still has to do theirs?

Fair isn't the issue...the upcoming celibacy is.
Posted by Ash Williams
South of i-10
Member since May 2009
18147 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:13 pm to
sure its fair

Posted by fjlee90
Baton Rouge
Member since Nov 2016
7837 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:13 pm to
Looking for a maid recommendation? My Consuela is top notch.

Might wanna check with your boyfriend first, though.

Posted by Eighteen
Member since Dec 2006
33882 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:13 pm to
I find anytime you focus on “fairness” in a relationship it’s already failing. Nothing will ever be “fair”, and focusing on fairness always just leads to anger/bitterness
Posted by cajunbuck
R-KANSAS
Member since Sep 2017
997 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:13 pm to
i would think that it is more than fair. that half of the chores are still getting done, and there is additional money being brought into the household. i would think this should make both parties happy

although, if the extra cash is being spent on race cars, boats, etc. then i could see some resentment. unwarranted yes, but i could still see it
This post was edited on 6/6/18 at 12:15 pm
Posted by Count Chocula
Tier 5 and proud
Member since Feb 2009
63908 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:14 pm to
You're asking for a friend, right?
Posted by Swoopin
Member since Jun 2011
22030 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:18 pm to
I guess I'm confused that its a question.

The person taking the 2nd job has to work a 2nd job. So its not like they're working less, it just isn't on the chores they were doing... but the chores are being taken care of.
Posted by JohnnyKilroy
Cajun Navy Vice Admiral
Member since Oct 2012
35349 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:27 pm to
quote:

You have a couple with an even split of household chores (just a general concept, the individual chores are irrelevant but the labor split is 50/50).


Imo household responsibility are "split" 100/100. Both people are responsible for everything getting done. If help is hired, that means less "chores" for both people, not just the one who earned the money to hire the help.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422598 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:27 pm to
quote:

The person taking the 2nd job has to work a 2nd job.

let's say it's something that person enjoys, like doing a podcast or radio show
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
124314 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:28 pm to
Hire maid. Bang maid.
Posted by PearlJam
NotBeardEaves
Member since Aug 2014
13908 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:31 pm to
quote:

let's say it's something that person enjoys, like doing a podcast or radio show
I think that person is so focused on developing a logical position from which to approach a point of conflict, that he will be forever alone.
This post was edited on 6/6/18 at 12:34 pm
Posted by scott8811
Ratchet City, LA
Member since Oct 2014
11340 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:31 pm to
I think this really depends on the dynamics of the relationship...but at face value...yes it's fair
Posted by dbeck
Member since Nov 2014
29453 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:34 pm to
quote:

Is this fair?

So she's going to be stripping on the side while you're doing the dishes?

Doesn't sound fair to me.
Posted by rondo
Worst. Poster. Evar.
Member since Jan 2004
77411 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:36 pm to
If they are married, the chores offset by the extra income would be split evenly

if not...the person paying the help would reap all the benefits.

IMOFWIWGFY
Posted by GeauxTigerTM
Member since Sep 2006
30596 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:36 pm to
quote:

let's say it's something that person enjoys, like doing a podcast or radio show


I think "that person" doesn't seem to understand that fairness is not the issue and that almost certainly the other person will be upset by what appears to be "that person's" ability to get away with no longer doing the households chores themselves.

Fair or not will play no part in this...but good luck to "that person" going forward with this plan.
Posted by Open Dore Policy
The Commodore State
Member since Oct 2012
4472 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:37 pm to
You just want to bang the maid.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422598 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:41 pm to
quote:

I think "that person" doesn't seem to understand that fairness is not the issue and that almost certainly the other person will be upset by what appears to be "that person's" ability to get away with no longer doing the households chores themselves

kind of why i made the thread

i want more female posters to respond b/c i think they won't see this as fair, or right, or....something
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422598 posts
Posted on 6/6/18 at 12:41 pm to
quote:

If they are married, the chores offset by the extra income would be split evenly

if not...the person paying the help would reap all the benefits.

what if the excess income after paying the new help was split?
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