New hire in our group is incredibly weird and socially awkward. Help me not get fired baws

One of the senior managers filled an entry level role on his group with a recent grad. He’s nailed most of his recent new hires, but not this one.

Dude’s first day is today. He comes in decked out in a suit (can’t really fault him for that, since it’s obviously his first job). Shakes my hand, it’s like a dead fish, and no eye contact to boot. I know that’s something trivial, but a handshake is really key to a good first impression.

As my colleague and I walked him around our floor, it’s clear that the kid is…. different. He brings up at least 3 times unsolicited how he prefers to bring his lunch since cafeterias are overpriced. Pass the break room ping pong table and he goes off about how he could kick any of our asses anytime, and brings it back up again after we change the subject. Mentions a couple of times how he might try taking the stairs since he’s afraid of elevators (we’re on the 19th floor, so good luck with that).

He takes the better part of an hour to attempt to set up his desk equipment. It’s a normal docking station - super intuitive, just plug shite in and go. The kid interrupts me while I’m in the middle of a conference call to ask me why his mouse isn’t working. I nicely put myself on mute and defer him to a colleague. He’s also muttering to himself as he’s trying to figure it out. All of us are snickering to each other, and laughing at me and my colleague since the aforementioned senior manager has appointed us as his “onboarding buddies.”

I feel like Cartman in that South Park episode where Kyle’s Jewish cousin from NYC comes to live with his family. Just itching to make jokes.

I get that it’s the kid’s first job, but this is clearly going to be quite a process getting him trained up and dealing with his…uniqueness. What should I do? Ignore him, take a shite on his desk, PIIHB, update my resume?