My partner is monogamous, but I'm not. Here's how we make our relationship work.

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This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Fernanda Fabian, the host of the podcast "Polycurious." It has been edited for length and clarity.

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My partner of six years is monogamous, while I'm nonmonogamous. I've learned that both people don't have to be monogamous or nonmonogamous to make a relationship work.

I met my partner, Seth, at Burning Man in 2018. We were in the same camp of about 120 people. One night, we were at our campground after dinner. Music was playing, and we both found ourselves walking to the middle of the dance floor to introduce ourselves. We talked for 15 minutes and then decided to hang out that night. We had a very instant connection. After we hung out, his friend asked him, "Why didn't you tell me about your girlfriend?" He said, "Oh, because I just met her 15 minutes ago." As cliché as it sounds, it felt like we'd known each other for a long time.

I brought up nonmonogamy early on

The second night after we met at Burning Man, I told Seth I was nonmonogamous. I told him I had friends who were nonmonogamous and that I was curious about having an open relationship. He said he could be open to an open relationship. When he said that, I thought he was saying he would also be open on his side, but he meant he was open to figuring out how to support me in doing what I want, even if it's not his thing.

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About six months into the relationship, he said it was OK for me to have sex with other people, but only with people I'd already had sex with before I met him, only with people who had a partner, and only when he was away since we were long distance. A little over a year into the relationship, we got to my ideal situation of being able to date whomever I wanted more regularly. I started off going on dates once a month, then once every couple of weeks. Now I have freedom, but we'll still have a conversation if needed.

The first time I went on a date with someone else, I could tell Seth was jealous and having a hard time. I would come home wanting to connect with him either because being with someone else reminded me how great Seth was, or it'd be a very fun experience that I wanted to replicate with him. But Seth found it strange that I'd want to connect with him after a date and would act a little distant at first. When we talked about it, he shared that it took him more time to shake off the idea that I'd just come back from a date with someone else.

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