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re: My MIL opened up a credit card in my wife’s name

Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:06 am to
Posted by IAmNERD
Member since May 2017
19306 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:06 am to
quote:

It’s in the upper teen thousands

Yeah, that's not a mistake or lapse in judgement. That is her taking advantage of you and your wife.

Not having your wife's back in this will lead to much more headaches for you than the money probably. You need to stand with your wife on this one. Remember, your wife has known her mother a lot longer than you have and will be a better judge of her character than you will.

You need to reverse course and take a stand with your wife...ASAP.
Posted by X123F45
Member since Apr 2015
27477 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:06 am to
Report it to card company and feign ignorance.

Also... I check my credit, all bureaus, weekly.

Takes one poop.
Posted by Oilfieldbiology
Member since Nov 2016
37576 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:07 am to
quote:

If it was used for basic needs then sitting her down and asking why she didn't come to them in the first place is the way to start. Perhaps she was having a temporary setback -- maybe she lost her job due to Covid? You never know. I'd have A LOT more sympathy for her if she was using this to survive and just thought she could pay off the credit card debt before anyone even knew about it. Helping family in a time of need is something worthwhile to teach your children. If this was simply for her own pleasure purchases, F*CK HER. Turn her a$$ over to the police and teach your kids that these sorts of actions have consequences.


There is a difference, but OP is saying high teen thousands of dollars. That’s not just basic living essentials.

But I agree a conversation needs to be had.
This post was edited on 5/21/21 at 10:08 am
Posted by Newrow
Member since Oct 2017
946 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:08 am to
quote:

OP, do you know what she spent it on by any chance? Like essentials or does she maybe have a shopping/hoarding habit?


TBH I’m confused. I don’t get how you spend this amount of money. She has a great job as a nurse anesthetist.
Posted by Nguyener
Kame House
Member since Mar 2013
20603 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:10 am to
quote:

TBH I’m confused. I don’t get how you spend this amount of money.


..... how do you not know? You don’t have any of the statements? How do you even know what the balance is?

quote:

She has a great job as a nurse anesthetist.


She’s a sociopath who has no respect for you or your wife and enabling her is a horrific decision. If she has a great job why can she not pay it back?

This story is making less and less sense. You need to ask your wife if something like this has happened before to her or her siblings and then you need to file at minimum a civil suit but you should probably call the cops.

A widowed working nurse anesthetist spends 20,000 on a fraudulent credit card in her daughters name? That woman is insane and capable of making your inexplicably naive head explode. Good luck.

This woman is going to wreck your life and most likely the lives of your children as well if you let this slide and maintain a relationship like it’s no big deal.

I have one last very honest set of question you should answer: does she scratch herself a lot? Always seem tired but always has an excuse? Or random hyper mood swings? Does she seem erratic and you write it off as a personality?
This post was edited on 5/21/21 at 10:16 am
Posted by BobRoss
Member since Jun 2014
1694 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:10 am to
quote:

She has a great job as a nurse anesthetist.


Oh wow. Get the cops involved now.
Posted by Slagathor
Makin' jokes about your teeny tiny
Member since Jul 2007
37838 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:11 am to
quote:

TBH I’m confused. I don’t get how you spend this amount of money. She has a great job as a nurse anesthetist.


I didn't see the total before... that's alarming as others have said. Is it possible she has substance abuse issues?

Maybe y'all will never be able to heal this rift after you transfer the debt to her name, but you may wind up saving her life if you figure out what the root issue is.
Posted by boosiebadazz
Member since Feb 2008
80351 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:11 am to
quote:

TBH I’m confused. I don’t get how you spend this amount of money. She has a great job as a nurse anesthetist.


Then this is indicative of a much larger problem MiL needs to agree to address with therapy or you go to the police and her career is in danger.
Posted by GreenRockTiger
vortex to the whirlpool of despair
Member since Jun 2020
42143 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:12 am to
quote:

This story is making less and less sense.


Yep. Time to take some action. It didn’t seem this bad at first - but now I think you are in deeper shite than you want to admit
Posted by Oilfieldbiology
Member since Nov 2016
37576 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:12 am to
quote:

TBH I’m confused. I don’t get how you spend this amount of money. She has a great job as a nurse anesthetist.


If this is real, she has a severe spending problem and outright stole 5 figures from you and your wife. This isn’t on essentials like bread and rice or electricity unless her house is like the Christmas Vacation house 24/7.

Transfer the debt into her name. If your wife wants to press charges, press charges. If you’re wife wants nothing to do with her mom, you have nothing to do with her mom.

Think if it was your mom or your dad that did this. Would you want your wife trying to mediate?
Posted by jchamil
Member since Nov 2009
16533 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:14 am to
quote:

TBH I’m confused. I don’t get how you spend this amount of money. She has a great job as a nurse anesthetist.


Can you not get the statements and see where the money was spent? Find out if she bought anything like jewelry that can be sold
Posted by HogX
Madison, WI
Member since Dec 2012
5062 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:16 am to
quote:

If your wife wants to press charges, press charges. If you’re wife wants nothing to do with her mom, you have nothing to do with her mom.


This.

The free baby sitting ain't worth it, baw. Not backing your wife in this situation will absolutely come back to haunt you at some point and it will strain your relationship. No mother-in-law is worth risking a marriage over.
Posted by Newrow
Member since Oct 2017
946 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:16 am to
It’s gambling. Didn’t want to come out with it because OT might be able to figure out who I am or my family.
This post was edited on 5/21/21 at 10:19 am
Posted by Nguyener
Kame House
Member since Mar 2013
20603 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:18 am to
quote:

It’s gambling.


Gambling? She stole 5 figures from you to gamble with despite having her own job and her own money and your response is to just pay it and do nothing?

She’s an addict. And if you enable her she will destroy your life. All addicts do that. Every single one of them. And after a certain point they are all sociopaths who will prey upon their closest relationships to feed their addiction. She’s at that point. You should seriously talk to an addiction counselor and have them explain that to you.

Get your children the hell away from her and press criminal charges. Immediately. She will not stop on her own, if ever, and this will snowball out of control rapidly.
This post was edited on 5/21/21 at 10:21 am
Posted by puse01
Member since Sep 2011
3742 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:19 am to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/15/21 at 2:08 pm
Posted by barbapapa
Member since Mar 2018
3227 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:19 am to
If it’s gambling it’s likely to get worse from here. Need to nip this in the bud…quickly
Posted by Chad504boy
4 posts
Member since Feb 2005
166457 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:19 am to
quote:

She’s an addict.


i don't think this is breaking news here.
Posted by djangochained
Gardere
Member since Jul 2013
19054 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:19 am to
haha i know you....
Posted by SpaceCamp
Member since Nov 2020
292 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:20 am to
Check your children's credit. She may have opened accounts in their names, too.
Posted by Kafka
I am the moral conscience of TD
Member since Jul 2007
142389 posts
Posted on 5/21/21 at 10:20 am to
quote:

Need to nip this in the bud…quickly
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