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re: My friend is very bitter about the lack of sex in his marriage

Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:15 am to
Posted by CivilTiger83
Member since Dec 2017
2525 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:15 am to
quote:

2. She is likely not going without sex, just getting her fix elsewhere


It's funny how often this is stated like its a fact.

Guys on here just can't wrap their minds around the fact that some women, especially mom's with young kids, have sex at like 9 on their priority list and they don't have a biological response to not getting any like men do.

It's not that women don't enjoy it or want it occasionally, but we are built differently.
Posted by MorbidTheClown
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2015
65876 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:16 am to
quote:

he started marking a calendar as evidence


and that's when the fight started
Posted by StupidBinder
Jawja
Member since Oct 2017
6392 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:17 am to
quote:

Why can't you guys just go for it? If she gives you an excuse, why are you asking anyway? Just make the moves and let it happen. Damn, it does not have to be planned.


So what happens when you want to have sex 3 times a week and she prefers 3 times a month?

Why set up a situation where one of you “loses” and one of you “wins” when you can just acknowledge your differences in libido and plan accordingly?

quote:

It took me a long time to learn this lesson. Treat her like you did as you were dating her and really pursue her. She will respond and if she doesn't, then she has deeper issues.


Women’s libidos change over time for reasons that have nothing to do with how you’re treating them. It’s probably a bad idea to assume that there is something wrong with your wife if she isn’t having sexual with you as often as you’d like.
Posted by Tigerlaff
FIGHTING out of the Carencro Sonic
Member since Jan 2010
20863 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:19 am to
quote:

Guys on here just can't wrap their minds around the fact that some women, especially mom's with young kids, have sex at like 9 on their priority list and they don't have a biological response to not getting any like men do.

It's not that women don't enjoy it or want it occasionally, but we are built differently.


Black n Gold, your buddy's wife ( your wife) is on here dude.
Posted by SantaFe
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2019
6564 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:20 am to
Pre-menopause ?
Posted by uway
Member since Sep 2004
33109 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:21 am to
quote:


It's funny how often this is stated like its a fact.

Guys on here just can't wrap their minds around the fact that some women, especially mom's with young kids, have sex at like 9 on their priority list and they don't have a biological response to not getting any like men do.

It's not that women don't enjoy it or want it occasionally, but we are built differently.


If women cheated at the rate that the OT claims they do, the OT would be a ghost town because all of these incels would be out screwing married women instead of posting on the OT.
Posted by TigerMeister
North shore
Member since Nov 2009
2390 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:24 am to
quote:

Early 30's. Been together since they were teenagers.

Damn. Well props to him for still wanting to bang the same girl.
Posted by Ancient Astronaut
Member since May 2015
33066 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:24 am to
She cheating
Posted by Landmass
Member since Jun 2013
18107 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:29 am to
quote:

So what happens when you want to have sex 3 times a week and she prefers 3 times a month?


She probably only wants to have sex 3 times a month because you aren't doing the right things to turn her on and get her ramped up.

quote:

Why set up a situation where one of you “loses” and one of you “wins” when you can just acknowledge your differences in libido and plan accordingly?


Having sex more often should be a win-win. The libido difference is most likely due to your own issues. Guys make the moves and get the sex. If you don't make the moves and you are just waiting for sex, then you'll only get it when she needs to get off out of frustration or from some pity or duty for her husband. That sounds like it would suck.

quote:

Women’s libidos change over time for reasons that have nothing to do with how you’re treating them. It’s probably a bad idea to assume that there is something wrong with your wife if she isn’t having sexual with you as often as you’d like.


No. If you actually pursue her and you don't regularly have sex, then something deeper is going on with her, be it relationship issues, you are fat and ugly and disgust her, she needs some help in other areas to let her mind go and get intimate.

All I'm saying is that you can't just sit around being a fatass that's disgusting and crude around her and then expect her to just drop pants and go at it. You have to try with your attitude, your moves, and your pursuit of her.
Posted by Saint Alfonzo
Member since Jan 2019
22161 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:30 am to
quote:

ETA: I suggested he invest in a steady babysitter before a counselor.


Good call. Pound that young babysitter biscuit, problem solved.
This post was edited on 1/21/20 at 10:31 am
Posted by Landmass
Member since Jun 2013
18107 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:32 am to
quote:

especially mom's with young kids, have sex at like 9 on their priority list


Wives and husbands must put each other high on the priority list or else you will become strangers raising the kids and when they leave you won't know each other. This is the recipe for a doomed marriage. Take care of your children, as you should, but you must invest in each other.
Posted by StupidBinder
Jawja
Member since Oct 2017
6392 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:48 am to
quote:


No. If you actually pursue her and you don't regularly have sex, then something deeper is going on with her, be it relationship issues, you are fat and ugly and disgust her, she needs some help in other areas to let her mind go and get intimate

All I'm saying is that you can't just sit around being a fatass that's disgusting and crude around her and then expect her to just drop pants and go at it. You have to try with your attitude, your moves, and your pursuit of her.


And I’m saying that your understanding of female sex drive is incredibly limited.

I’m not saying that you don’t have to pursue your wife. That’s a given. I’m saying that even when you do, there will be times in her life when you won’t be able to get her in the mood that have absolutely nothing to do with what you’re doing.

If you have never experienced this, congratulations, you are in the minority of married couples. Most couples who have been married for several years (particularly those with kids) have seen this. If you don’t believe that and think every dude should be able to Don Juan his way into his wife’s panties 100% of the time, I really don’t know what to tell you.
Posted by crazyatthecamp
Member since Nov 2006
2100 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:48 am to
Sex in marriage. What is everyone doing for birth control?
We dont want more children. What do most people do?
Posted by HT713
Galations 4:16
Member since Jan 2011
10028 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 10:53 am to
get her to go on the pill, that's what my wife went with


been pretty damn effective so far
Posted by Landmass
Member since Jun 2013
18107 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 11:02 am to
quote:

And I’m saying that your understanding of female sex drive is incredibly limited.

I’m not saying that you don’t have to pursue your wife. That’s a given. I’m saying that even when you do, there will be times in her life when you won’t be able to get her in the mood that have absolutely nothing to do with what you’re doing.

If you have never experienced this, congratulations, you are in the minority of married couples. Most couples who have been married for several years (particularly those with kids) have seen this. If you don’t believe that and think every dude should be able to Don Juan his way into his wife’s panties 100% of the time, I really don’t know what to tell you.

Dude, I understand that sometimes it won't work out for various reasons no matter what YOU do. That is not at all what I am saying.

However, most of men's issues with lack of married sex is self-inflicted and can be overcome in a lot of ways by really pursuing her. It's not a sure-fire guarantee every time but it surely doesn't hurt. And why not try? You'll be closer with her, stay friends and lovers, and if sex doesn't happen, it doesn't. You have to help her get to a place where she can let go and have fun.

My friend, your understanding of the female sex drive is incredibly backwards.
Posted by Tigeralum2008
Yankees Fan
Member since Apr 2012
17131 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 11:04 am to
quote:

My friend is very bitter about the lack of sex in his marriage



What type of birth control is she taking?

My wife had a hormonal IUD which killed her libido. I got snipped and had her yank that shite out quicker than a MFer
This post was edited on 1/21/20 at 11:05 am
Posted by Landmass
Member since Jun 2013
18107 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 11:04 am to
quote:

get her to go on the pill, that's what my wife went with


Well, congratulations on supressing her natural libido-inducing sex hormones. You surely won't get her pregnant because a woman on the pill or AD drugs has her sex drive severely impacted.
This post was edited on 1/21/20 at 11:06 am
Posted by CAD703X
Liberty Island
Member since Jul 2008
78036 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 11:05 am to
quote:


My "friend" is very bitter about the lack of sex in his marriage


fixed it for you
Posted by Sun God
Member since Jul 2009
44874 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 11:07 am to
quote:

just a few times a month. If it gets to that point, it's an issue

Posted by KiwiHead
Auckland, NZ
Member since Jul 2014
27470 posts
Posted on 1/21/20 at 11:08 am to
He did ask her to marry him and probably got 2-3 kids out of it.


He asked for it
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