re: My friend is very bitter about the lack of sex in his marriage

Posted by Codythetiger

Arkansas

Member since Nov 2006

27577 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:23 am to Black n Gold

I saw a thread on reddit where a dude collected data points and put into graphical form and showed his wife all the excuses and times he asked for sex and didn't get any because she was too tired or whatever. Guy was asking every day and getting it every 2 months.

I just shook my head and could understand why he wasn't getting any.

Posted by TrouserTrout

Member since Nov 2017

6425 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:24 am to Black n Gold

He should be bitter about his decision making. You know since he decided to marry this woman.

Posted by chryso

Baton Rouge

Member since Jul 2008

11862 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:25 am to Black n Gold

Can we get some numbers here? I once heard someone complain they were only having sex twice a day.

Posted by Upperdecker

St. George, LA

Member since Nov 2014

30566 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:28 am to Black n Gold

quote:
I'll take those percentages.

You mean your friend would take those percentages? Perhaps your “little friend”?

Posted by SantaFe

Baton Rouge

Member since Apr 2019

6567 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:33 am to Upperdecker

Hate to see this happen,but Red Alert. Wall off your finances.Wall her off from your retirement. Store your guns and boat(s) at a good friends business warehouse. Don't cheat.Get a good lawyer.

Posted by TigerMeister

North shore

Member since Nov 2009

2390 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:35 am to Black n Gold

Well, how old are they? We talkin 30’s or 50’s?

Posted by jmarto1

Houma, LA/ Las Vegas, NV

Member since Mar 2008

33929 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:42 am to Black n Gold

Sexual compatibility in a relationship is something that is never really brought up. It needs to be discussed at some point or it can ruin a relationship

Posted by kingbob

Sorrento, LA

Member since Nov 2010

67079 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:44 am to Black n Gold

1. Symptom of a bigger problem
2. She is likely not going without sex, just getting her fix elsewhere
3. Lack of sex during marriage is not a bug, but a feature
4. He’s petty and this stunt will make things worse.

This post was edited on 1/21/20 at 9:45 am

Posted by Black n Gold

Member since Feb 2009

15409 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:44 am to TigerMeister

Early 30's. Been together since they were teenagers. My impressions is that the kids have just been a shock to their systems and she's having a difficult time managing it all.

ETA: I suggested he invest in a steady babysitter before a counselor.

This post was edited on 1/21/20 at 9:45 am

Posted by StringedInstruments

Member since Oct 2013

18379 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:44 am to Black n Gold

quote:
I don't think he's looked any deeper than the fact he wants more sex than her.

Give us his stats.

What’s his height and weight? Does he have a belly, love handles? How does he dress? Does he workout or run? Have hobbies? Drink a lot?

Does he have ambition in his job and social life?

How does he act when he comes home from work? Grumpy and whiny?

Does he flirt with his wife? Other girls? Is he fun and jovial about life?

Does he act like sex validates him as a person? Does he see his wife as “mommy” who needs to take care of him?

Not saying guys are responsible for being everything in their marriage, but it seems like guys get married and start to “let go” and accept the dad bod. They turn cynical and gross and still expect regular good sex from their always-hot wife because that’s what marriage ensures.

Tell your friend to work on himself without regard to his wife and sex life and I bet his wife starts acting more interested.

Posted by StupidBinder

Jawja

Member since Oct 2017

6392 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:46 am to Black n Gold

quote:
So he started marking a calendar

This actually isn’t a bad idea as long as he leaves off this:

quote:
as evidence for the next time they argue about it.

If he has a conversation with her and they agree to a number of times per week/month, keeping track of the times they’re together means they actually don’t have to argue about it.

It’s also a good idea to add some notes about what else might be going on. Long workdays, sick kids, sick wife, etc.

My wife and I did this for a while and arguments about sex pretty much ended.

Posted by xxTIMMYxx

Member since Aug 2019

17562 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:46 am to kingbob

quote:
2. She is likely not going without sex, just getting her fix elsewhere

People always say this on here, but it's most likely not true for people 50+.

ETA: At 30's...yea, I would worry about that.

This post was edited on 1/21/20 at 9:47 am

Posted by Landmass

Member since Jun 2013

18118 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:50 am to StupidBinder

Sounds fun... not.

Why can't you guys just go for it? If she gives you an excuse, why are you asking anyway? Just make the moves and let it happen. Damn, it does not have to be planned.

It took me a long time to learn this lesson. Treat her like you did as you were dating her and really pursue her. She will respond and if she doesn't, then she has deeper issues.

Posted by Black n Gold

Member since Feb 2009

15409 posts

Posted on 1/21/20 at 9:51 am to StupidBinder

He mentioned seeing a counselor. I think the idea behind keeping the calendar was so that he could substantiate his claim if they were to seek outside help.