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re: How much of making a marriage work is love and how much of it is being a good team?
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:25 pm to al_cajun
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:25 pm to al_cajun
I’d say I’d a good alignment in life choices and goals more than anything else so I guess that tilts towards the “being a good team.”
This post was edited on 11/13/18 at 3:26 pm
0
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:26 pm to al_cajun
good team > good sex > love
No matter how much you love each other, if the sex isn't good, the frustration and resentment will build up and tear you apart. However, being a great team will eliminate most of those frustrations. If you're a bad team, good sex can mask issues for a while, but the relationship still won't be sustainable.
Being a good team is literally the most important part. If you're both selfish, both stubborn, and have habits that simply cannot coexist, it's not going to work no matter how much you love one-another. Marriage is all about give AND take for both sides. If one side is doing all of one or the other, it's not going to work either.
No matter how much you love each other, if the sex isn't good, the frustration and resentment will build up and tear you apart. However, being a great team will eliminate most of those frustrations. If you're a bad team, good sex can mask issues for a while, but the relationship still won't be sustainable.
Being a good team is literally the most important part. If you're both selfish, both stubborn, and have habits that simply cannot coexist, it's not going to work no matter how much you love one-another. Marriage is all about give AND take for both sides. If one side is doing all of one or the other, it's not going to work either.
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:27 pm to al_cajun
Would you believe me if I said that my wife and I, who have been together since 1997, have never had a fight?
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:28 pm to al_cajun
love and sex is only something that lasts short term, after a year or two if you arent good friends then it is doomed.
a long marriage depends on being good friends far more then love, love is like the seasons, it comes and goes but the friendship is what makes them stay and stick through the bad times
a long marriage depends on being good friends far more then love, love is like the seasons, it comes and goes but the friendship is what makes them stay and stick through the bad times
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:31 pm to MorbidTheClown
quote:
the secret is choosing wisely in the beginning.
This can't be stated enough. You pick someone that has the same outlook on life as you to work hard and wants to be a team player and most things work themselves out.
I've been married 19 years now and wouldn't do anything different.
I think a lot of people in the rural areas still screw it up by never leaving their small town and deciding to marry the first piece of good arse they meet after high school. Then the double fck it up by thinking having a kid or two while still very young and not set up financially is a good idea.
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:33 pm to Coon
no
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:34 pm to al_cajun
I think it's both. It's really love, patience, and respect that make good teammates. Men and women will frequently see the same thing in a different light, just the way that it is.
Unless you marry a shitty person and then there really isn't anything that you can do. People have to love themselves before they can be who they need to be to someone else.
-Choose wisely
-Never marry the life of the party
-You have to give to get
Unless you marry a shitty person and then there really isn't anything that you can do. People have to love themselves before they can be who they need to be to someone else.
-Choose wisely
-Never marry the life of the party
-You have to give to get
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:34 pm to bootyswamper
quote:
When you love someone you trust and believe that the other person is looking out for y’all best interest just as you are.
and then you find out that your partner isn't.
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:34 pm to al_cajun
quote:Rough approximation;
How much of making a marriage work is love and how much of it is being a good team?
Love 25%
Being a good team 75%
ETA: Married 32 years
This post was edited on 11/13/18 at 3:35 pm
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:37 pm to Mingo Was His NameO
quote:
A lot of OT posters are high school graduates living in rural Louisiana...
glad married, urban dwelling, college grads are immune from divorce. Someone let all those divorce attorneys know.
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:39 pm to al_cajun
Love is everything. But it's not what most people think it is.
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:40 pm to tigerinthebueche
We used to argue.
Then the kids moved out.
We hired a housekeeper and a lawn guy.
Arguing stopped.
Then the kids moved out.
We hired a housekeeper and a lawn guy.
Arguing stopped.
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:40 pm to al_cajun
That is something best considered and evaluated prior to marrying. I learned long ago that you can love someone with whom you cannot get along. The feeling is there; the compatibility is not. I never wanted a relationship that required work. To me, there are important questions to ask: Do you like the person you are when you are together? Do you never tire of each other's company? Are each others' faults considered endearments? Is there absolute trust and no possessiveness? Do you treat each other respectfully both in public and in private? Do you smile when thinking of growing old together? Usually, the only relationship that works is the last one. Married for 30 years.
This post was edited on 11/13/18 at 4:04 pm
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:41 pm to Tiger Ryno
quote:
Love is everything. But it's not what most people think it is.
Exactly.
Love is respect and sacrifice.
Many confuse that with lust and needing.
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:44 pm to sjmabry
quote:
Marriage is sacrifice, understanding, commitment and a shite ton of hard work
quote:
sjmabry
Yes, 100% true even after 39 years together with Mrs Fish.
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:49 pm to al_cajun
Well, commitment is sort of a blend of those 2 concepts (and hard work, I suppose).
Commitment to the marriage by both parties is the key element of a successful marriage, IMHO. Full disclosure: I'm happily married for just under 30 years.
Commitment to the marriage by both parties is the key element of a successful marriage, IMHO. Full disclosure: I'm happily married for just under 30 years.
This post was edited on 11/13/18 at 3:50 pm
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:54 pm to Saskwatch
Love, sacrifice, commitment, loyalty, working together as a team.
Wait, are we talking about marriage or football?
Wait, are we talking about marriage or football?
Posted on 11/13/18 at 3:54 pm to al_cajun
Love (not lust, which happens quickly) takes a lifetime to achieve. Find someone you like with similar values who likes you too. Pick your fights wisely and compromise. Finding common ground is easier when the emotions are removed. Oh yeah, and communicate, because hidden feelings lead to hidden resentment that grows over time.
Posted on 11/13/18 at 4:14 pm to tigerinthebueche
quote:
and then you find out that your partner isn't.
Touché
Posted on 11/13/18 at 4:16 pm to tigerinthebueche
quote:
glad married, urban dwelling, college grads are immune from divorce. Someone let all those divorce attorneys know.
They certainly aren't immune, but it's a fact they get divorced less.
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