re: Encouraging grandparents to move closer to grandkids or simplify. Anyone ever done this?

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Sorry baw me and your mom decided we don’t want to watch your little hellion anymore so you can go to marvel movies and comic con

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They have literally never watched our kids.

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They have literally never watched our kids.

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This is one of the bigger contentious issues with my in-laws. We always have same discussion when we visit. They can barely walk without assistance and they want me to leave two hyper kids with them?frick that.

The specifics in this thread don't apply that much to me, but the general theme of aging parents sure hits home. Yesterday my mother had a brief episode where she didn't recognize me. Thankfully it passed, but I'm still shook up.

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Situation:
-My wife's parents have been retired for over a decade now.
-We have the only grandkids, but if they moved here, they'd also be within just a few hours of their other child.
-They were always borderline hoarders, and now really can't keep up with their house.
-Health is declining for both of them, and almost all of "granny's" appointments are here in ATL area anyway, and they stay with us. "Grandad" often overdoes it and has had heart issues, among other things.

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How old are they? Mine are 83 and 82. My mom and step dad were a little similar, but with less stuff. Their main issue was living in BFE rural N. La and having to travel 45 min or so to dr. appts, 30 min to get groceries, etc. They were very isolated. I had talked a little to them about assisted living, but my mom just didn't think they could do it. However, she was constantly calling me and whining about how she just couldn't handle living there and taking care of my step dad (mild dementia, falls a lots, etc.).

After so many complaints about things, I finally just laid it on the line and told her I'm tired of listening to your whining when she won't do anything about her problems/listen to what I say. I basically told her I can't fix it if she won't listen and take any action.

Maybe you can talk with them about moving somewhere they'd like while they can still enjoy things, like their beach condo? Phrase it so that it's about what they can do and enjoy rather than what you are worried about and how they can't do things anymore?

I know how hard it is as I just dealt with this last October. They still have a lot of junk in their house that I will have to handle at some point. I'm an only child, so there isn't anyone else. Their house isn't in great shape and it's in the middle of nowhere. I feel your pain!

Wife and I have never considered living near any of the 3 children and grandchildren as they are making their own ways in the world - as we were treated.

We have taken steps to move to a local Retirement Center when that day comes, while our health is still reasonable. I don't believe if one of us had to live with any of the 3 would be a problem - assuming one of us is deceased. Now, they may cast lots if I happen to be the last one standing

The eldest is 2 hours away, middle child 5 hours away, the youngest a tad bit over 3 hours away

Yes we have done so it took a while...and are still working on another.

Had to deal with this a couple years ago with the wife's grandma. She lived in the middle of nowhere and all family support there was gone. She was a hoarder too but because everything was a cherished memory. She even had her freezers full of 5+ year old food.

Once she finally relented to move near her family she stressed so much about her belongings it inflamed her heart condition and caused her demise. My wife's mother had to deal with all the leftover belongings that mostly went into a dumpster. Of course, the wife grabbed some cherished crap first to store at our house.

It took years of pleading with her before she finally agreed. Seemed to me that at her age she couldn't look ahead, only behind. Items from everyone she loved and everything she had fond memories of were in her closets, garage, etc.

selfish much?

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We have caught grief from time to time about not seeing the grandkids enough.

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Use this and ask - why don’t you move closer? You could see the grandkids more and we wouldn’t have to interrupt the kids’ lives

If the answer is still no, the next time they give you grief about not seeing the grandkids enough, bring it up again

I’m not exactly a hoarder but I’ve got a lot of stuff-hunting,fishing for years.Living in the country with all the required equipment-tractors,chainsaws,etc.

I feel sorry for the kids that have to deal with it when I kick off.

We live close to the grandkids,I’m retired,wife works 2 days a week so we’re highly involved-taking 1 to school and picking him up.Babysit a lot,they would be in a bind if we weren’t close to deal with issues that come up like sick kids,out of school early for storms ,etc.