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re: Encouraging grandparents to move closer to grandkids or simplify. Anyone ever done this?
Posted on 3/27/23 at 1:08 pm to hashtag
Posted on 3/27/23 at 1:08 pm to hashtag
quote:
ETA: what's stopping you from selling everything you own, picking up your life and moving to them and starting over?
So asking your aging parents to downsize and let go of somethings is comparable to asking your adult child to abandon career and family?
3
Posted on 3/27/23 at 1:16 pm to greenbean
quote:Wow, I needed to read this today. Thanks
Do whatever is in the best interest of YOUR children. This is hard to hear, but put the vast majority of your time, effort and money to better the life of your kids who have their whole lives in front of them
Posted on 3/27/23 at 1:20 pm to wadewilson
Bunch of self centered, ungrateful mofos up in here
Posted on 3/27/23 at 1:26 pm to 777Tiger
No, self centered is the retirees demanding that their children drop whatever they're doing multiple times per year and dragging toddlers across country multiple times per year.
It's been hell on my brother, and he's considering no contact with our parents. They just refuse to stop the demands.
Every time I visit them, they have more junk, and they've expanded their house by about a thousand square feet.
When they're gone, I'm going to need a roll-off dumpster.
It's been hell on my brother, and he's considering no contact with our parents. They just refuse to stop the demands.
Every time I visit them, they have more junk, and they've expanded their house by about a thousand square feet.
When they're gone, I'm going to need a roll-off dumpster.
This post was edited on 3/27/23 at 1:27 pm
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:13 pm to concrete_tiger
Having seen it first-hand in my family, there's no substitute for being in close proximity to your aging parents. It's a shite part of life. We've done the family unit a disservice by scattering everyone. My brother lives across the country and is totally oblivious to what efforts it has taken to care for my aging parent(s).
If we're still in Louisiana (god I hope not) by the time my kids finish high-school, my wife and I plan to move close to wherever they end up. We're encouraging them to vacate this state. I'm a big believer in them being somewhat free-range even in elementary, so I have no desire to meddle in their lives. I just want us to be close for whenever they need us.
If we're still in Louisiana (god I hope not) by the time my kids finish high-school, my wife and I plan to move close to wherever they end up. We're encouraging them to vacate this state. I'm a big believer in them being somewhat free-range even in elementary, so I have no desire to meddle in their lives. I just want us to be close for whenever they need us.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:20 pm to RaginCajunz
I gave up. My mom lives in a 4500 square foot house too far away for us to visit conveniently. She uses approx 400 square feet. Will not move. Doesn’t care.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:23 pm to concrete_tiger
Unfortunately, we did not have to relocate as my kids and grandkids are all in Baton Rouge. I've told my son though that I'd happily move wherever should he want to relocate somewhere with more opportunity.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:30 pm to GentleJackJones
quote:
Unfortunately, we did not have to relocate as my kids and grandkids are all in Baton Rouge. I've told my son though that I'd happily move wherever should he want to relocate somewhere with more opportunity.
My parents keep telling my brother this as well. He was considering Houston a year ago, and my parents were already house shopping to go with. Haha.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:33 pm to concrete_tiger
quote:
community, either here or in Florida, but it actually makes them a little mad. They are more concerned about having to get rid of stuff than anything else, it seems like
It sounds stupid because it’s just stuff to you, but you’d be surprised the memories people attach to the most trivial stuff. If you just approach it from the standpoint of you need to get rid of this crap, you’ll always encounter resistance. Find a new approach that lets them let go of things while simultaneously creating new memories. In my case, my dad has/had a lot of old mechanical things because he spent years as a mechanic. It’s taken some time but his new passion is gardening. He realizes that if he wants more room to garden he has to get rid of stuff to expand, which he’s done.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:44 pm to wadewilson
Ask them what size uhaul they would like behind their hearse
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:47 pm to Tiger Ryno
Posted on 3/27/23 at 2:53 pm to tigergirl10
quote:
Wow, I needed to read this today. Thanks
I say this a man whose mother is an energy (and financial) vampire, but a great person. Once they get into the late 80s and widowed their wants increase to more than that of a toddler. I make sure all her needs are more than meet, but her "wants" are getting to the point I'm going to have to have a crucial conversation with her. I have two kids in college at a 16 year old, I can't support another kid. I swear she thinks Amazon is free (well I guess it is to her).
Posted on 3/27/23 at 3:18 pm to wadewilson
quote:um, both are selfish. Both cases are people valuing their own life and possessions over another.
asking your aging parents to downsize and let go of somethings is comparable to asking your adult child to abandon career and family?
Posted on 3/27/23 at 3:26 pm to hashtag
quote:
um, both are selfish. Both cases are people valuing their own life and possessions over another.
You're 70 years old. You live in the same house that you've been in since your children were in grade school. You not only have not gotten rid of anything, you've expanded your house multiple times to make room for all the extra crap you now own. You don't work anymore, have few hobbies, and have excess money and time.
Your kids are in their early 40's. They live hours away, they work 50+ hours a week, their spouses work, their kids have multiple hobbies and activities that keep you busy all the time. Maybe you get a quiet Sunday afternoon with your family every once in a while.
Who has more time? Who should make the concessions if those parties are going to have a meaningful relationship?
When you start a family, your priority is your spouse and your children, not your parents.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 3:26 pm to hashtag
Some of y'all are gonna be in a poor state when you're 75, widowed and lonely because you taught your kids that your own life is more valuable than another's.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 3:29 pm to wadewilson
quote:remember that when you're old and alone because you've raised your kids to think it's okay to tell old people to go f&$@ themselves, even if it's your own parents.
When you start a family, your priority is your spouse and your children, not your parents.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 5:17 pm to hashtag
quote:
remember that when you're old and alone because you've raised your kids to think it's okay to tell old people to go f&$@ themselves, even if it's your own parents.
Where did I say that?
When I'm retired, I'll make plans to move closer to wherever my children are.
You don't get to force somebody with a busier life and more needs to do what you want.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 5:38 pm to LaLadyinTx
quote:
How old are they?
75-76, same age as my parents, but the health difference between the two sets is dramatic.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 5:42 pm to Dawgfanman
quote:
Dealt with what? As best I can tell you want to tell your in laws where to live.
Their house is falling into disrepair and they can't keep up with it. They need to simplify. Their son chooses to stick his fingers in his ears and pretend everything is fine, yet we are the ones that have had to deal with EVERYTHING for the past 20 years.
Don't care where they live, but they don't need a 5br house, workshop, storage shed, etc etc any more. The house is full. It is an overwhelming burden for them and will be our burden. Why not be able to enjoy these last years?
Posted on 3/27/23 at 5:43 pm to concrete_tiger
I'm dealing with it now. When they offer to give us things, we take whatever it is. Mostly we discard what they give us. That's the only way to get them to give up this crap they deam valuable. When I visit, I make sure their trash can is full everytime it goes to the curb. Not hoarders, but have a ton of crap. They resist going to a retirement community because there are rules there and they won't get rid of the junk. Lol. They have health issues that are beyond our capabilities. We are now in agreement that whatever happens, happens. Insanity
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