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Started By
Message
Encouraging grandparents to move closer to grandkids or simplify. Anyone ever done this?
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:48 am
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:48 am
Situation:
-My wife's parents have been retired for over a decade now.
-We have the only grandkids, but if they moved here, they'd also be within just a few hours of their other child.
-They were always borderline hoarders, and now really can't keep up with their house.
-Health is declining for both of them, and almost all of "granny's" appointments are here in ATL area anyway, and they stay with us. "Grandad" often overdoes it and has had heart issues, among other things.
-We have caught grief from time to time about not seeing the grandkids enough. (we can't stay at their house because of hoarding).
-We (mostly me) worry a LOT about having to deal with their house when the time comes. I'd rather get ahead of it.
-Their social circle has mostly died or moved away. They have a bigger group of friends in Florida than where they live now (near Military base where he retired).
We have talked to them about moving into a retirement community, either here or in Florida, but it actually makes them a little mad. They are more concerned about having to get rid of stuff than anything else, it seems like. They literally (literally) go to Florida from Georgia 1-2 times per month currently. They own a condo at the beach they could even just move into.
We'd be happy with either solution, if they chose to live near us or in Florida. I just don't see how they can stay in the house they are in, it is massive and pointless.
Anyone ever dealt with this with success?
-My wife's parents have been retired for over a decade now.
-We have the only grandkids, but if they moved here, they'd also be within just a few hours of their other child.
-They were always borderline hoarders, and now really can't keep up with their house.
-Health is declining for both of them, and almost all of "granny's" appointments are here in ATL area anyway, and they stay with us. "Grandad" often overdoes it and has had heart issues, among other things.
-We have caught grief from time to time about not seeing the grandkids enough. (we can't stay at their house because of hoarding).
-We (mostly me) worry a LOT about having to deal with their house when the time comes. I'd rather get ahead of it.
-Their social circle has mostly died or moved away. They have a bigger group of friends in Florida than where they live now (near Military base where he retired).
We have talked to them about moving into a retirement community, either here or in Florida, but it actually makes them a little mad. They are more concerned about having to get rid of stuff than anything else, it seems like. They literally (literally) go to Florida from Georgia 1-2 times per month currently. They own a condo at the beach they could even just move into.
We'd be happy with either solution, if they chose to live near us or in Florida. I just don't see how they can stay in the house they are in, it is massive and pointless.
Anyone ever dealt with this with success?
36
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:51 am to concrete_tiger
Deep down people are always going to want to live where they want to live. Regardless of family or other circumstances.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:51 am to concrete_tiger
Every day. Parents and Inlaws. If someone has the answer to get them to let go of possessions please share.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:53 am to concrete_tiger
Sounds like the hoarding is the key issue here
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:54 am to concrete_tiger
Yes, and they never move
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:54 am to madamsquirrel
quote:
If someone has the answer to get them to let go of possessions please share.
I legitimately dread the thought of this when my Dad passes. He's a borderline hoarder as well.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 9:59 am to concrete_tiger
Similar boat with MIL.
Roll off dumpster and skid steer rental will be the answer
Roll off dumpster and skid steer rental will be the answer
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:00 am to madamsquirrel
quote:
Every day. Parents and Inlaws. If someone has the answer to get them to let go of possessions please share.
Maybe take them to an estate sale and let them watch strangers buy the deceased’s Knick-knacks? Just this weekend I was asked to come pick through an old family friend’s home since the kids were selling it and needed it empty. They had soooo much stuff that was just useless (not a hoarder by any means though). It made me kind of sad but also made me realize I don’t want to be that guy whose possessions become a burden to others late in life.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:05 am to concrete_tiger
Hoardiding is a mental disorder. At that age it's likely too late for them. You will have to hire a company to haul off everything in their house and dispose of it.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:05 am to concrete_tiger
Yes. Going thru this with my in-laws. They moved to FL in 2019 (from TX where we are). Their health went to shite and now it is stressful. My wife has a few siblings but she is by far the most successful so we are expected to lead support which is hard.
My mom lives in Slidell by herself too so that is a thing. She is in good health for now. My sister lives In Alexandria with her family at least so she can help there if required.
My mom lives in Slidell by herself too so that is a thing. She is in good health for now. My sister lives In Alexandria with her family at least so she can help there if required.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:07 am to concrete_tiger
Sometimes you have to take charge and force the issue. They may not like it but in the long run they will appreciate it. It was hard prying my mom out of the house. Often times they are overwhelmed by moving. You have to make it as easy in them as possible. The problem is it will be hard on you but well worth it. 
In short get them out before their health completely fails
In short get them out before their health completely fails
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:10 am to madamsquirrel
quote:
If someone has the answer to get them to let go of possessions please share.
The way my parents blow through money I just hope there's enough left to rent a roll-off dozer when they die.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:10 am to concrete_tiger
quote:
We have caught grief from time to time about not seeing the grandkids enough. (we can't stay at their house because of hoarding).
They need to shut that shite down, that’s a situation that is solely on them.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:12 am to concrete_tiger
Sorry baw me and your mom decided we don’t want to watch your little hellion anymore so you can go to marvel movies and comic con
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:13 am to concrete_tiger
Do whatever is in the best interest of YOUR children. This is hard to hear, but put the vast majority of your time, effort and money to better the life of your kids who have their whole lives in front of them, not into grandparents.
I know people who insist on living in, or moving back to rural MS (where schools are terrible and there are no, and will never be, many good jobs) to be close to family. They put themselves and their kids at a disadvantage.
I know people who insist on living in, or moving back to rural MS (where schools are terrible and there are no, and will never be, many good jobs) to be close to family. They put themselves and their kids at a disadvantage.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:15 am to BillyGibbons
They both know everything will be sold at estate sales and don't care 
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:20 am to concrete_tiger
quote:
Anyone ever done this?
Nope.
People live where they have priorities and want to live. It may not make sense to everyone else...
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:24 am to concrete_tiger
Kind of in this circumstance right now.
My mom (no pics) is 81 and lives in the house in which I grew up in Savannah, 6 hours from us in Rome. She'll be 50 years in that house come Christmas. My brother lives in Montana.
She's done well decluttering and it's not a big house (1500 sqft on 1/3 acre) but at 81, she's been by herself for nearly 20 years and retired for 12. Most of her social circle has either passed or moved away. It's gotten to the point that her coming here is now a 2 day trip; she just isn't strong enough physically to handle the drive anymore. My son is her only grandchild.
She also suffered a broken wrist this year and I would have liked her closer to help with her recovery. We've discussed her moving here in the past, but I just don't think she wants to go through the effort.
My mom (no pics) is 81 and lives in the house in which I grew up in Savannah, 6 hours from us in Rome. She'll be 50 years in that house come Christmas. My brother lives in Montana.
She's done well decluttering and it's not a big house (1500 sqft on 1/3 acre) but at 81, she's been by herself for nearly 20 years and retired for 12. Most of her social circle has either passed or moved away. It's gotten to the point that her coming here is now a 2 day trip; she just isn't strong enough physically to handle the drive anymore. My son is her only grandchild.
She also suffered a broken wrist this year and I would have liked her closer to help with her recovery. We've discussed her moving here in the past, but I just don't think she wants to go through the effort.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:27 am to concrete_tiger
Maybe give them a reason to move to you, i.e. need help with the grandkids to give them a reason.
Posted on 3/27/23 at 10:29 am to Paul Allen
quote:
Deep down people are always going to want to live where they want to live. Regardless of family or other circumstances.
I agree, but they are at the point where this house is more of an albatross than anything. Most months they are hardly even there anymore, what's the point, other than a place for all their crap?
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