re: Does Anyone Have Any "First Day on the Job" Stories?

Yeah. It was fricking wild.

I showed up and met the guy who was going to train me. We hit it off pretty good, but I definitely got the old guy/new guy vibe from him, but he seemed cool enough. After a little while, he started showing me some of the ropes. We work with a lot of chemicals and the language and techniques we use around those chemicals can mean the difference between life and death. My trainer was pretty harsh on me and it didn't feel good, but I learned a valuable lesson. Sometime later (I don't know how long. The chemicals made everything fuzzy) we stopped in and visited with one of the old guy's buddies. I got a creepy vibe from him, but whatever, it wasn't my rodeo, you know, so I went with it and after a little while, we jetted.

So, part of the job is to keep tabs on the funds used in our industry. It's very important for us to keep a good accounting of everything just to make sure we know where the money is. We stopped at another one of Alonzo's (that's my trainer's name, by the way. Sorry for not mentioning it sooner) clients and picked up a payment and then went to lunch. It was weird, though, because at lunch, Alonzo basically made me sit in the corner and then he gave the money to some of HIS bosses, but without writing anything down. It was odd, to say the least, but whatever, I was learning.

Here's where it gets REALLY out there. We went back to meet again with Alonzo's first buddy, Roger, and that's where I found out that Alonzo knew Dr. Dre. Dre seemed a lot like you'd think he'd seem from all the music he made. However, I felt it was a little forced and it seemed a lot to me like Dre was just playing a role in a movie. Anyway, Dre had this shotgun he called his bitch. All of a sudden, Alonzo took Dre's shotgun and killed Roger with it and then threatened to blame me for it. Apparently some of my chemical training earlier had gotten something in my blood that gave Alonzo some leverage on me if anyone started asking questions. I was not liking life at this point.

Then, Alonzo brought me over to some other friends of his for a friendly poker game and to discuss the finer points of ballistics. However, when the discussion turned to prison sodomy, I realized that the discussion was anything but friendly and I was in some real trouble. Next thing I know, these three cholos have me hemmed up in a bathtub and are about to introduce me to the afterlife when one of them notices this wallet I picked up earlier after I stopped a punk from raping this pretty high school girl and she dropped it as she got away. Turns out that the pretty girl was the head cholo's cousin and after he checked with her and she told him that I'd protected her honor he decided that my brains could stay in my skull and let me go.

Now I was pissed. I tracked Alonzo down to his girlfriend's house and ended up in a running gun battle all up and down the street. I shot that motherfricker right in the arse. He did not like that and tried to get his neighbors to kill me, but apparently he was the type to borrow tools and never return them, so they didn't kill me. Alonzo had some dirty cash on him and I realized that he was in deep with some real nasty comrades and everything we'd done that day was so that he could pay them off and avoid joining the choir eternal. I couldn't let that happen after all he'd done so I took that bag of cash to give to the detectives. Alonzo ran off and then the Russians pulled a drive-by on him and killed him. They put so many holes in that fricker that he looked like a fishing net when they were done.

And that was my training day.

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My first day at work at a pickle company I got fired for sticking my finger in the pickle slicer.

She got fired too

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At least give the Junes credit.

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Dr. Dre

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You realize he wasn't playing himself in that movie right?

I had a new marketing rep throw up in my garbage can, down the hall and in the water fountain her first day. I have that effect on some people.

I interviewed for a job and was given an offer and accepted with a start date about 2 weeks later. So I show up on that date and the guy who hired me (general manager) was a no show. After waiting around about an hour or so, they received a phone call from the guy's wife that he had a heart attack and they were doing emergency surgery on him. I was handed off to someone for first day introductions, etc.

They said they we're just going to take a few "artistic nudes"...............
















....they said they would be artistic...

Well played.

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I expected you to reply earlier.

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I probably would have but I was stuck in a courtroom for 2 hours with no cell phone.

First real job out of college and had to go out of town for a few weeks of training. It was customary to wear a suit on the first day so I made sure to carry on. When I land my bag is nowhere to be found and it was late so I head to the hotel knowing I had what I needed for the next day. Wake up for the first day and realize my dress shoes are in my bag. Had to rock tennis shoes with a suit and explain to everyone why I had tennis shoes on; got a lot of laughs.

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That's the worst made up story I've heard today.

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If it is made up, it was made up by the person who told it to me. Knowing this person, there is a chance it didn't happen exactly the way he said it did, but I am just telling it how it was told to me.