re: Divorced guys, click here

Take an amicable approach at first, but be ready to drop the hammer on her at a moments notice.

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love her but she's become a bitter, mean, alcoholic. I can't tie my happiness to the whims of this crazy person anymore.

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I guess the question would be, do you truly love her enough to stand by her and help her go through the tough time of getting helped? Do you love her enough that you don’t want to see her continue down that path?

If you believe in your vows and still love her, I would do whatever I could to help her get through this first. That’s counseling (for you and her and together). Counseling for you can really help you speak to her and help you, help her through this.

If she completely refuses to get help, even after you, your kids, a counselor, her friends, etc try to help, then start following tTigers advice

My personal favorite..

Guy I worked with left his wife once their kids were grown. They lived about 1/4 mile off the highway and he used to bring his trash to the road in his truck. Sunday night came and he told her "Sally, I'm going to bring the trash up front."

She saw him leave and wondered to herself why he was bringing his boat to take out the garbage.

After 20 minutes she called him to find out where he was. "I'm taking my truck and my boat, you can have the house and the money and I don't give a shite what you do with them. I don't want anything else and if you try to frick with me, they'll never find you."

Hangs up, click..

That was that.

Honestly, I went out and had as much sex as possible. Hot chicks, fat chicks, ugly ones. Didn’t matter. Keep yourself distracted and eventually you’ll move on and find a good woman for a better relationship and know you made the right decision to dump her arse. (Update: that is if you have decided on divorce. If not you’ll have to take the harder road and invest the time with her to get things back right.)

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Looking for tips on how to disentangle myself emotionally. We've been married for 20 years

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First off, I am sorry that you are going through this, especially with kids.
It sucks, and there are no words that anyone can say to provide you with peace of mind all the time. Drinking, affairs, drugs, divorce, etc. --- one of the most self-serving and selfish things a person can do.

I will say this. Focus on yourself. That's all you can do. Put all of your energy and effort into you. She is going to do what she is going to do. It's her choice, even if you don't agree with it. You don't have to like it, and can respectfully disagree with it but at the end of the day, she gets to make a decision (drinking, anger, resentment, etc.) just like you get to make a decision. Said simply, if she isn't ready, she isn't ready. And here's the truth, she may never be ready.

Get yourself better physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If she decides to come back around, you'll be stronger for you and her. If she doesn't, you'll be stronger for yourself and someone else that you'll eventually meet.

This is the blessing of the lesson.

Did that over 5 years ago and so glad i did.

The first year of it is rough but you figure it out and life gets back to normal.

You find that the freedom is a huge weight off your shoulders and you start becoming happy again

Is her problem her or the alcohol?

Could her seeking help with drinking maybe fix the situation?

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Looking for tips on how to disentangle myself emotionally. We've been married for 20 years
and have a 21 yo and an 18 yo .love her but she's become a bitter, mean, alcoholic. I can't tie my happiness to the whims of this crazy person anymore. Tips on how you finally took the plunge.

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Kids are grown. No child support.

Depending on the state and her income. You might get hooked for some alimony.

FIRST AND FOREMOST: KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT UNTIL YOU HAVE TALKED TO YOUR DIVORCE ATTORNEY...A GOOD ONE. NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO "SAVE A FEW BUCKS".

Second: Get your financial ducks in a row. Have housing lined up. A good attorney can get her kicked out of the house. Make sure you have a place to go. With a good attorney, you will have to sell the house and split the proceeds at the very least.

Third: Prepare for the move. Have a yard sale. Clean out your junk. "Just getting rid of some of this old stuff, honey."

Fourth: DID I MENTION TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT?

Fifth: When all is arranged. Strike like lightning. Hit her with a blindside legal sucker punch that will turn her world crazy. You want her to think and act irrational. NEVER BE ALONE WITH HER AFTER THIS HAPPENS. Hopefully she will punch you in the nose. Call the police and let it bleed.

Sixth: Until the divorce is final. Go to work. Come home. Keep your dick in your pants. You are NOT single until the judge says so. Her lawyer is waiting on you to make a mistake.

Seventh: KEEP IT OFF FACEBOOK AND OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA...LIKE THIS ONE.

Eighth: When the judge says you are single. frick anything that moves. Start with her mother, sister, and her best friend.

Good luck.

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get her in rehab

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Take steps to prepare for a divorce and then suggest going to couple’s counseling. Find a counselor first and suggest going to that person, not just the idea of going to counseling. Pitch the idea like the relationship needs help; you both need to improve. Once you’re in counseling, any decent therapist is going to recognize the substance abuse issues and recommend treatment (AA, rehab, etc). Be totally on board and supportive. If your wife balks at any of this, follow through on the prep work and serve papers.

See a lawyer, see a shrink.

Set up a plan for 1-2 months out.

Execute the plan.

Lots of good tips here about securing your finances and stuff.

Have a few friends lined up to get you and your stuff out and stored. Keep your stuff in a friend's basement.