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Message
A friend called and told me he was an alcoholic
Posted on 8/19/26 at 3:56 pm
Posted on 8/19/26 at 3:56 pm
He doesn't owe me any money, we've never argued, I have always enjoyed our banter discussing a variety of subjects. I kinda suspected when he went to vodka as his drink of choice.
My best friend (BIL) committed suicide because of the high/low cocaine/alcohol existence.
I felt helpless with my BIL, help me with my friend.
My best friend (BIL) committed suicide because of the high/low cocaine/alcohol existence.
I felt helpless with my BIL, help me with my friend.
32
Posted on 8/19/26 at 3:57 pm to nuwaydawg
thats the 12 steps
Posted on 8/19/26 at 3:59 pm to nuwaydawg
Support his desire for sobriety- if he has any.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 3:59 pm to nuwaydawg
Go do fun things with him that don't involve alcohol. Put those things on his calendar so he can look forward to them. Don't pressure him to overshare, let him tell you organically in conversation.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:00 pm to nuwaydawg
Al-Anon
You cannot make anyone get help or stop drinking.
I’ve dealt with a mess of alcoholics and addicts. That was step one for me. I can’t speak for anyone but me.
You cannot make anyone get help or stop drinking.
I’ve dealt with a mess of alcoholics and addicts. That was step one for me. I can’t speak for anyone but me.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:01 pm to nuwaydawg
ask him how you can support him. He will tell you, he might not need anything different. When i got sober i didnt want my friends to do anything different.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:01 pm to nuwaydawg
Listen to him talk, tell him you’re happy he’s admitting powerlessness over alcohol, and let him know he can call you any time he needs support (just don’t give him your car or any money! Lol).
Seriously, that phone call is part of the 12 steps. It’s a big deal.
Seriously, that phone call is part of the 12 steps. It’s a big deal.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:02 pm to nuwaydawg
Best thing that my sponsor did for me when I quit drinking was to just be an ear to talk to. That's probably what he needs more than anything - my sponsor sat me in a waffle house booth and told me to just start talking. I'm 7.5 years sober now. I know you're not his sponsor but being an ear helps a lot.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:12 pm to CatfishJohn
quote:
Go do fun things with him that don't involve alcohol
Church
Help me with some more.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:12 pm to nuwaydawg
It’s an awful place, for both you and your friend. But you can’t do anything if he isn’t taking the first step. Sobriety only works if that person wants it.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:14 pm to dawginar
quote:
Church
Help me with some more.
Go for a hike, go fishing without booze, go golfing without booze, etc.
If you show that you can have fun together without booze, it really helps. This according to my best friend that is 10 years sober and I did this with him. He thanks me all the time for doing so.
I made plans for us proactively and consistently.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:21 pm to nuwaydawg
Tell him he is not an alcoholic.
He just has an allergy to alcohol. No shame there. I have an allergy to seafood (so I can never visit y'all in Louisiana! LOL).
Kidding aside, tell him he has an allergy. 90 percent of people have them, foods, nuts, pollen, bee stings. His is ethanol.
I can't eat shrimp he can't drink beer, it's nothing to be shy about or ashamed of.
He just has an allergy to alcohol. No shame there. I have an allergy to seafood (so I can never visit y'all in Louisiana! LOL).
Kidding aside, tell him he has an allergy. 90 percent of people have them, foods, nuts, pollen, bee stings. His is ethanol.
I can't eat shrimp he can't drink beer, it's nothing to be shy about or ashamed of.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:24 pm to nuwaydawg
quote:
I felt helpless with my BIL, help me with my friend.
You’re ultimately helpless with your boy, too. There are things you can do to support him along the way (as mentioned in this thread), but it’s up to him.
Him calling you to admit his alcoholism was a solid start for him.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:39 pm to nuwaydawg
quote:
My best friend (BIL) committed suicide because of the high/low cocaine/alcohol existence.
Pics of your sister?
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:41 pm to nuwaydawg
Its at least a positive that he readily admits his problem to you.
Ultimately he has to want a different life more than he wants to drink. If he is physicallly addicted to it he needs medical detox or he could die. If its not to that point i think you can be an encouragement to him and ask him yo seek counseling.
Stay as far away from AA as possible.
Ultimately he has to want a different life more than he wants to drink. If he is physicallly addicted to it he needs medical detox or he could die. If its not to that point i think you can be an encouragement to him and ask him yo seek counseling.
Stay as far away from AA as possible.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:42 pm to nuwaydawg
quote:
I felt helpless with my BIL, help me with my friend.
One thing I will say is don't let his fight weigh on you too much. You can be there, but you can't battle his demons for him. You can not put your sanity/wellbeing completely in something you have little control over.
I am not trying to be harsh at all to your friend, just reminding you to protect yourself in case he doesn't have the willpower for the fight.
I wish you both well.
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:44 pm to nuwaydawg
quote:
A friend called and told me he was an alcoholic
So he went way out on a limb many people are too prideful to venture onto. Good for him.
Then you shared it on the internet
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:47 pm to dawginar
(no message)
Posted on 8/19/26 at 4:48 pm to nuwaydawg
He might be working the steps.
Yeah steps 8-10 are making amends and admitting you are wrong or have wronged people.
Yeah steps 8-10 are making amends and admitting you are wrong or have wronged people.
This post was edited on 8/19/26 at 4:53 pm
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