re: Japanese man creates American athlete names for video game

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Tim Wakedield

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so close

Karl Dandleton got picked on

So in this thread we do the "can just keep a thread going with player names from the past" thing, but adding bios to fake player names?

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Say Dean Wesrey with a stereotypical Asian accent. It is hilarious

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And Bernard Rewis

Mariano Brieve was a relief pitcher in the White Sox farm system who was briefly called up as a utility infielder in 1990. His claim to fame is that he invented the ever popular pre-game ritual of banging his penis on a stool in the locker room prior to taking the field. This ritual caught on like wild fire and he passed the torch on to his nephew and former major leaguer Barlos Cayargo.

Jim "Ick" Pluery was a pinch runner for the 1970's White Sox. He was put in games not for his clutch running ability but for his acute skill of farting on command. His farts would often leave the fielder covering his base exclaiming "Ick" at which point the batter would hit in that direction, often time resulting in errors from the fielder. This practice only lasted a year before a young intern in the MLB office by the name of Bob Franfed brought it to the commissioners attention and it was put to a stop midseason.

Ted Balloon definitely has a career in the porn industry.

A lot of people don’t remember this but Kevin Krince was giving Bonds and McGwire a run for their money with HRs in the early 90s. He got busted for being on the juice though, so I don’t know if he will get in the hall.

Willie "Dustice of the peace" was a hard hitting linebacker out of west texas. Dustice was a bit of a journeyman through his career, but was widely known for his "extracurriculars" and was forced into a shotgun wedding when he knocked up a texas oil barren's daughter. Their son would later get kicked off the UTEP football team for steroid use.

Onson "Sweemey Todd" also known as "The Demon Barber of Cleat Street" was known for his clothesline tackles on receivers coming across the middle. Sweemey is largely responsible for ending tight end Mike Truk's career on what would now be easily considered a targeting penalty.

John Riazzu was an undersized defensive tackle with a propensity for eating. Nicknamed the meatball, John was drafted in the 6th round by Cincinnati after an All American season at his hometown Rutgers. After the loss to San Francisco in the 1989 Super Bowl, John went out in Miami in an attempt to forget his sorrows the only way he thought he could, Miami Vice style. He was found 2 days later in a Cuban brothel folded over a tray of cocaine. He had suffered a massive heart attack, ending his football career at age of 27.

After losing all of his money to gambling, John moved back into his Mothers house in Newark. One Monday for Lunch, he had the ingenious idea to throw Sundays meatballs and gravy on a sandwich, the meatball sub was born. Shortly after he opened a small shop right down the street from his mothers home and named it Meatballs, Meatballs. The popularity was immense, and soon after he had 9 locations spread throughout the city. Subway executives took notice, and visited John’s shop to see what all the hype was about. A royalty deal was met, and Subway added the Meatball Marinara to their menu.

With added money came more issues, Johns substance abuse picked back up. A second heart attack in 1999 made him realize something had to change. He dedicated his life to inspiring others and became one of his generations most well known speakers.

A live look at John in 2021