re: Funniest One-liner Your HS Coach Ever Said To You

From highschool our defensive coordinator, "you have to love this shite! You have to live this shite. You should love this shite so much that your dicks get hard. Matter of fact, I'm rock hard right now!"

College coach, "it's a good thing I kept the receipts on you motherfrickers. Cuz I'm returning some of y'all soon as the season is over." - Jokes on me though, I'm one of the ones who was returned lol.

Keep your head in the game Zappa, or do I need to bench you so you can go play slap and tickle with that cheerleader.

Not really a one-liner, but my bball coach called our point guard a polak for running the wrong play in practice

Ladies get your bonnet on!!

Port Neches-Groves, 1985. Offseason conditioning drills running 8 sets of 200 meter gassers, team was separated into 6 different groups, one of which was the OL…which ran last.

Two of our biggest fats were going all out to not be last because last place had to gather up the equipment. Spradley beat Watts by a step and started talking shite, coach Wynn says “Watts is disqualified for drafting. That means Spradley finished last.”

I busted out laughing and Sprad looked at me and goes “What’s drafting?” and before I could get a word out Coach Wynn says “Don’t tell em! Spradley, you just now finished last next week too for being a dumbass.”

fricked him 10 ways over for talking smack and being an idiot.

fricking Sradley. Lol

One of my favorite coaches ever, was a position coach I had my freshman year. 1990, so these were the days before political correctness, and guys being betas.

This coach talked so much shite, it was hard not to laugh. If you laughed, he would make you run.

He also had it to where once a week, he would drop "words of wisdom" on someone. His method was to take this small bat he had (it was a relic of a Louisville Slugger that was about a foot long) and he would whack you on the helmet with it. Of course your ears would ring for a bit, so he would give you the courtesy of allowing your ears to settle before he dropped his knowledge.

One day, as a freshman, I was the "lucky" recipient of coach Bud's "words of wisdom". He got wind through guys on the team that I was hooking up with two girls, both of which had the same name. While he was "impressed" with my game, he also was wise enough to know what was going to happen. Here's how this went down.

I'm bending over for a hamstring stretch. All of the sudden, I get hit on the back of my helmet really hard, I get a little dizzy, my ears are ringing, and when I look up from my position, I can see coaches boots by my cleats. I slowly make my way back up and he's looking me dead in the eye now.

"Sludge, your ears clear yet?"

"Yes Sir"

"Good. Listen up, dumbass. You think you are slick toying around two hot girls, but you aren't. You're a 14 year old dumbass. You know what happens to shite a 14 year old piles up? It collapses faster than the Roman Empire. You pick one. You aren't smart enough to handle two. Here are my words of wisdom: You play around with pussy, you are going to get fricked"

He hit me on the helmet again with the bat and walked off. I stood there in silence, the guy next to me laughed, so he had to run.

Sure as shite, not even a week later, one found out about the other, all hell broke loose, and both bitches basically had almost every girl in the class hating me.

So in practice a week later, I'm in my stretch again. This time, I get a gentle pat on the back. It's coach Bud.

"So, Sludge, I hear you are single again".

"Yes sir".

He just laughed and walked away.

You run line old people screw. Slow and sloppy.

My coach used to tell me I was “slower than a mud turtle”.

He also was quoted in the paper before my senior season talking about the whole team. “We may be small, but we’re slow”