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Started By
Message
Chronological Account of the Worst Fishing Trip of My Life
Posted on 7/2/18 at 7:19 am
Posted on 7/2/18 at 7:19 am
Most of my saturday and sunday afternoon were used up painting kitchen cabinets. But, I did get out and have some "fun" Saturday night.
This is a true account. If some parts seem dumb, they were. If the mosquito numbers seem exaggerated, know they are conservatively estimated to protect the weak.
5:30 pm Decided to take my kayak on a night fishing trip in search of crappie.
5:40 Opted to wear shorts and sandals to make launching kayak easy. Insect repellent is in my truck.
6:45 pm On the way, remembered I didn't bring any water to drink. Not a huge deal, stopped and bought Gatorade, but an ominous sign, in retrospect.
7:10 pm Insect repellent is NOT in truck. Remember it's in Jeep at home.
7:15 pm Loading gear into kayak at the water. Remembered I didn't bring anything to light my lantern. Latern is crucial for the fishing technique I'd planned to use.
7:20 pm Search truck for anything resembling a lighter or match.
7:27 pm Search river bank for anything resembling a lighter or match.
7:35 pm Try to light various pieces of paper and grass on fire using my truck's built-in lighter. Doesn't work, only smolders.
7:45 pm Desperation sets in. Connect jumper cables to truck battery and try to light lantern by sparking them together. Never do this, see 12:01 am. Also, doesn't work.
8:00 pm Decide to make do and fish as best I can with the two flashlights I have.
8:05 pm Begin paddling.
8:05:30 Swarmed by every mosquito in northern Alabama and southern Tennessee.
8:20 pm Arrive at spot I'd previously decided would be great for night fishing. Weak from mosquito blood loss, but eager to fish.
9:20 pm There isn't a single fish in this lake. Legs and arms are one continuous welt from the hundreds of mosquito bites.
10:00 pm Missed the first bite I'd had due to swatting mosquitoes.
10:02 pm Missed the last bite I had due to swatting mosquitoes.
11:30 pm In an anemic haze, my brain tells me if I don't get back to my truck, I'll die in this spot.
11:55 pm Arrive at truck, load gear, eager for a shower, some sort of itch relief, and my bed.
12:01 am Turn truck key. Battery is dead.
12:01 am Sob.
12:05 am Pop the hood and stare at the battery.
12:06 am Turn the truck key again. Staring didn't work.
12:10 am Settle in for a night of truck sleep.
12:30 am Sweating and suffocating. Crack windows slightly.
12:50 am Sweating and suffocating. Fighting a hundred mosquitoes.
12:55 am Roll up windows. Continue losing battle with mosquito horde.
1:02 am Watch car drive slowly past my turnoff in the middle of the woods.
1:05 am - 2:10 am Close eyes for two minutes, open them, turn on flashlight, kill three mosquitoes. Repeat every two minutes.
2:11 am Watch creepy car go back the other way.
2:12 am - 4:30 am Close eyes for two minutes, open them, turn on flashlight, kill three mosquitoes. Repeat every two minutes.
4:30 am Notice dawn is coming.
5:30 am Get out of truck steambox and breathe fresh air.
5:40 am Watch my last sunrise.
6:30 am Eat five blackberries for breakfast.
7:15 am Creepy car returns. Flag him down and ask for a jump.
7:18 am In my weakened state, connect jumper cables backwards and melt them.
7:30 am Strip insulation from cables and jerry-rig them. Truck starts.
8:00 am Shower.
This is a true account. If some parts seem dumb, they were. If the mosquito numbers seem exaggerated, know they are conservatively estimated to protect the weak.
5:30 pm Decided to take my kayak on a night fishing trip in search of crappie.
5:40 Opted to wear shorts and sandals to make launching kayak easy. Insect repellent is in my truck.
6:45 pm On the way, remembered I didn't bring any water to drink. Not a huge deal, stopped and bought Gatorade, but an ominous sign, in retrospect.
7:10 pm Insect repellent is NOT in truck. Remember it's in Jeep at home.
7:15 pm Loading gear into kayak at the water. Remembered I didn't bring anything to light my lantern. Latern is crucial for the fishing technique I'd planned to use.
7:20 pm Search truck for anything resembling a lighter or match.
7:27 pm Search river bank for anything resembling a lighter or match.
7:35 pm Try to light various pieces of paper and grass on fire using my truck's built-in lighter. Doesn't work, only smolders.
7:45 pm Desperation sets in. Connect jumper cables to truck battery and try to light lantern by sparking them together. Never do this, see 12:01 am. Also, doesn't work.
8:00 pm Decide to make do and fish as best I can with the two flashlights I have.
8:05 pm Begin paddling.
8:05:30 Swarmed by every mosquito in northern Alabama and southern Tennessee.
8:20 pm Arrive at spot I'd previously decided would be great for night fishing. Weak from mosquito blood loss, but eager to fish.
9:20 pm There isn't a single fish in this lake. Legs and arms are one continuous welt from the hundreds of mosquito bites.
10:00 pm Missed the first bite I'd had due to swatting mosquitoes.
10:02 pm Missed the last bite I had due to swatting mosquitoes.
11:30 pm In an anemic haze, my brain tells me if I don't get back to my truck, I'll die in this spot.
11:55 pm Arrive at truck, load gear, eager for a shower, some sort of itch relief, and my bed.
12:01 am Turn truck key. Battery is dead.
12:01 am Sob.
12:05 am Pop the hood and stare at the battery.
12:06 am Turn the truck key again. Staring didn't work.
12:10 am Settle in for a night of truck sleep.
12:30 am Sweating and suffocating. Crack windows slightly.
12:50 am Sweating and suffocating. Fighting a hundred mosquitoes.
12:55 am Roll up windows. Continue losing battle with mosquito horde.
1:02 am Watch car drive slowly past my turnoff in the middle of the woods.
1:05 am - 2:10 am Close eyes for two minutes, open them, turn on flashlight, kill three mosquitoes. Repeat every two minutes.
2:11 am Watch creepy car go back the other way.
2:12 am - 4:30 am Close eyes for two minutes, open them, turn on flashlight, kill three mosquitoes. Repeat every two minutes.
4:30 am Notice dawn is coming.
5:30 am Get out of truck steambox and breathe fresh air.
5:40 am Watch my last sunrise.
6:30 am Eat five blackberries for breakfast.
7:15 am Creepy car returns. Flag him down and ask for a jump.
7:18 am In my weakened state, connect jumper cables backwards and melt them.
7:30 am Strip insulation from cables and jerry-rig them. Truck starts.
8:00 am Shower.
Posted on 7/2/18 at 7:29 am to Teague
Look on the bright side, I’m sure it could have been worse, but I’m just not sure how...
Posted on 7/2/18 at 7:29 am to Teague
Sorry for laughing but that's a whole lot of shite going bad for 1 fishing trip. I think you're good for the rest of your life.
Posted on 7/2/18 at 7:30 am to Teague
Better than a day at the office, right?
This post was edited on 7/2/18 at 7:37 am
Posted on 7/2/18 at 7:30 am to Teague
I laughed way to hard at this
Sorry buddy
Sorry buddy
Posted on 7/2/18 at 7:34 am to Teague
Did you forget your phone, my buddies might be bitching about it this morning but one of them Would of come to help
Posted on 7/2/18 at 7:45 am to Tigerpaw123
quote:
Did you forget your phone, my buddies might be bitching about it this morning but one of them Would of come to help
I don't have any friends on the level of calling in the middle of the night that live close. Considered calling the wife, but I figured it would be morning by the time she found me out there, so I let her sleep.
Posted on 7/2/18 at 7:56 am to Teague
Once, on a barstool I decided take to a guy up on his offer to use his rig to go on a duck hunt immediately.
Decoy sacks all fly out and burst on I-10, I'm running around grabbing them while a few cars smashed a dozen pintails.
Running lights dont work, had to shine a flashlight at the stern light to make us appear legal to the warden.
Get to the spot where the bow rope flies over and wraps about 25 times around the prop, push boat the rest of the way
Shoot ducks, water went over waders. No dog.
Boat runs out of fuel on the way home. Towed back.
Then his muffler falls off the truck and almost flipped the trailer. He burns his hand trying to go get the muffler.
Decoy sacks all fly out and burst on I-10, I'm running around grabbing them while a few cars smashed a dozen pintails.
Running lights dont work, had to shine a flashlight at the stern light to make us appear legal to the warden.
Get to the spot where the bow rope flies over and wraps about 25 times around the prop, push boat the rest of the way
Shoot ducks, water went over waders. No dog.
Boat runs out of fuel on the way home. Towed back.
Then his muffler falls off the truck and almost flipped the trailer. He burns his hand trying to go get the muffler.
This post was edited on 7/2/18 at 8:04 am
Posted on 7/2/18 at 8:13 am to Teague
It’s at your expense, but this was a great way to start my morning.
Posted on 7/2/18 at 8:15 am to Teague
Why would you go fishing at night so ill-prepared?
Posted on 7/2/18 at 8:19 am to Teague
Damn Teague. You want my phone number? No man should have to suffer through that much shite. You might be a Bama fan...but even I can't let a guy go through that again. That's some brutal shite.
Posted on 7/2/18 at 8:26 am to Teague
I kayak fish at night a lot and it seems way more goes wrong at night, but damn man...
quote:
7:45 pm Desperation sets in. Connect jumper cables to truck battery and try to light lantern by sparking them together. Never do this, see 12:01 am. Also, doesn't work.
This should have been your sign to go home.
Posted on 7/2/18 at 9:05 am to Teague
quote:
6:30 am Eat five blackberries for breakfast.
I laughed way too hard at this part.
Thanks for a fantastic story on a Monday morning, but sorry it's at your expense.
I've been in the sweatbox of a truck trying to grab shut eye and avoid mosquitoes... Elmer's island years ago... after a storm popped up and destroyed our tent... your story brought back bad memories and laughs at the same time...
Posted on 7/2/18 at 9:14 am to Teague
At least you didn't get red bugs! Right?
Posted on 7/2/18 at 9:18 am to Teague
Embrace the suck, I guess...
That’s pitiful dude sorry lol
That’s pitiful dude sorry lol
Posted on 7/2/18 at 9:19 am to Huntinguy
quote:
At least you didn't get red bugs! Right?
Not so fast. My breakfast cost me a few of those too.
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