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re: Parent Problems looking for advice
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:11 pm to SwampBandit
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:11 pm to SwampBandit
Serious question: has your father seen a mental health professional? Sounds bipolar.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:11 pm to SwampBandit
You sound like you are being a good dad IMO. Keep up the good work.
This post was edited on 3/8/18 at 3:12 pm
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:12 pm to SwampBandit
Tough situation. There has to come a time when you cut ties. Blind loyalty to anything just because they are your parent, sibling, spouse, etc. is stupid. If he would change (which I don't believe will happen) maybe give another chance.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:12 pm to 1999
quote:
i wouldn't let him be with her unsupervised. not with that history.
You dont even wanna know what all he has done, that the minor things.
Now i know he loves the kid and i dont think he would harm her but he doesnt deserve it from his actions.... I love him cause he is my dad but i dont like the person he is
This post was edited on 3/22/18 at 1:54 pm
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:12 pm to SwampBandit
quote:
..With all the things he has done from my childhood till recently he doesnt deserve to see me or my daughter in my eyes but am i wrong for that?
Not wrong at all. My grandfather on my dad's side was a huge POS that treated all of his kids and his wife (my grandma) like garbage. My dad kept me away from him and I never had a relationship with him nor went to his funeral. Based off of the stories I've heard about him from my family, I'm glad I never knew him.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:15 pm to SwampBandit
you are npt wrong at all. Just because they are blood dont make them family. You have your own family now, and do not want your child to deal with the same issues you did as a kid do you?
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:15 pm to SwampBandit
You certainly need to forgive him for the past. However, that doesn't mean he has to be a part of your life or your kid's life.
I wouldn't cut him out completely. I wouldn't let him see my wife or child. You could meet with him in public if you feel safe as an act of mercy.
I wouldn't cut him out completely. I wouldn't let him see my wife or child. You could meet with him in public if you feel safe as an act of mercy.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:16 pm to lnomm34
quote:
Serious question: has your father seen a mental health professional? Sounds bipolar.
He declines too, i have told him this several times but he says im stupid....If you people knew all the things he has said and done yall would probably grab pitch forks and try to find him
He always blames others after his wrong doing, this is why he will never learn what respect is
He demands that my wife should not hate him...
I appreciate all the input
This post was edited on 3/22/18 at 1:56 pm
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:17 pm to airfernando
quote:
You certainly need to forgive him for the past.
No, he doesn't.
My brother doesn't understand why I don't have a relationship with my mom and visit her infrequently. He's younger and doesn't remember some of the things she said or did when we were growing up. Some things you don't forgive.
This post was edited on 3/8/18 at 3:18 pm
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:17 pm to SwampBandit
Your dad sounds like a future lead story on the local news. Keep him supervised around your child.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:19 pm to SwampBandit
Is he an alcoholic? Or like this alway?
If it’s because of drinking then at least give him an ultimatum. But if he’s always like that then cut the fricker loose.
If it’s because of drinking then at least give him an ultimatum. But if he’s always like that then cut the fricker loose.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:20 pm to SwampBandit
You're not wrong for that at all. I think your instincts are dead on about this situations and the fact that you are in a better mood confirms it...your body and mind are more at ease. The only person in this situation you owe something to is your daughter...you owe her safety and happiness. You don't owe this man shite.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:25 pm to SwampBandit
Your obligation to protect your daughter >>>> trying to placate your father
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:27 pm to SwampBandit
You are making the right decision.
If you think there is any chance for reconciliation, you need to reconcile with him well before your daughter or wife get involved.
If you think there is any chance for reconciliation, you need to reconcile with him well before your daughter or wife get involved.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:28 pm to SwampBandit
What did you get him for Father’s Day?
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:28 pm to SwampBandit
quote:
I am a married man in my upper 20's with a 3 year old daughter. I grew up in a very abusive household with a mentally and physically abusive father. My parent divorced when i was 10 however my dad stayed controlling my mom and I and he still does. After the divorce he never moved on which leaves me, my wife, and my kid the only people he has which leads to him bugging us all the time. When my child was first born he would see her once a week however he would still complain that it wasnt enough time. Prior to my child being born he got in a fight with me in front of my mom and Fiance at the time and said he was going to kill me, he has wished me and my wife would get in wreck with our unborn child, the list goes on... Our previous incident caused me and my wife to push him out pretty much and not let him around however he says we are crazy and that it is wrong that he is my daughters grandfather.... In these last few months i have noticed myself in a better mood because he im not letting him stress me out about time with my daughter...With all the things he has done from my childhood till recently he doesnt deserve to see me or my daughter in my eyes but am i wrong for that?
Your dad is fricking batshit crazy with legit disorders.
Get your wife and kid the frick away from that shite. End of story.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:29 pm to SwampBandit
You need to know the right answer here, not us, we don't know him or your demeanors.
It sounds like either way though you are not in a good situation, and possible danger.
He could flip and hurt your family/daughter if you allow him to hang around, he could also flip and hurt your family/daughter for excluding him from your lives when he has nothing else.
Rough, regardless.
It sounds like either way though you are not in a good situation, and possible danger.
He could flip and hurt your family/daughter if you allow him to hang around, he could also flip and hurt your family/daughter for excluding him from your lives when he has nothing else.
Rough, regardless.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:29 pm to SwampBandit
One of my parents has a similar story.
It's up to you, and I'd watch the interactions carefully.... But....
You'll be amazed at what the love of the grandchild will do to change a person.
Here's the fact of the situation. You hold ALL the cards!!
You've got the kid, and you can pull the plug at any point.
IMO, as long as the interactions with your daughter are positive and happy. It truly benefits both of them.
You should have a conversation with him about expectations and YOUR rules. And if he can't live with those rules, the consequences are no granddaughter time. He may huff and puff, but soon enough, he'll conform. That grand baby is too important to him. And as soon as it gets less than positive, ask him to leave... give him his warning.... or cut him off. whatever.
He may not have earned the right to build a relationship with your daughter. But your daughter surely hasn't forfeited hers.
Now, he may never change towards you. Or your mom/wife. But there's not much you can do about that. and at this point, I'm sure that you've come to terms with that part of your life. And I'm sorry that you've been dealt that hand. Truly!
I'd focus on making sure you provide the best terms/situation for your little girl to have an opportunity to spend time with the idealized version of your dad on his absolute best behavior.
He can be an a-hole on his own time, but when he's around her, he better be mary fricking poppins.
It's a tough decision. You never know what is the right thing to do. I can just say, that I've seen this system work. And the love of a grandchild can melt even the most cold of hearts.
Good Luck! I hope it works out for you!
It's up to you, and I'd watch the interactions carefully.... But....
You'll be amazed at what the love of the grandchild will do to change a person.
Here's the fact of the situation. You hold ALL the cards!!
You've got the kid, and you can pull the plug at any point.
IMO, as long as the interactions with your daughter are positive and happy. It truly benefits both of them.
You should have a conversation with him about expectations and YOUR rules. And if he can't live with those rules, the consequences are no granddaughter time. He may huff and puff, but soon enough, he'll conform. That grand baby is too important to him. And as soon as it gets less than positive, ask him to leave... give him his warning.... or cut him off. whatever.
He may not have earned the right to build a relationship with your daughter. But your daughter surely hasn't forfeited hers.
Now, he may never change towards you. Or your mom/wife. But there's not much you can do about that. and at this point, I'm sure that you've come to terms with that part of your life. And I'm sorry that you've been dealt that hand. Truly!
I'd focus on making sure you provide the best terms/situation for your little girl to have an opportunity to spend time with the idealized version of your dad on his absolute best behavior.
He can be an a-hole on his own time, but when he's around her, he better be mary fricking poppins.
It's a tough decision. You never know what is the right thing to do. I can just say, that I've seen this system work. And the love of a grandchild can melt even the most cold of hearts.
Good Luck! I hope it works out for you!
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:29 pm to SwampBandit
I won't have my dad in my life if he acted like that, much less my kids life.
Posted on 3/8/18 at 3:31 pm to SwampBandit
My wife's stepfather is currently not allowed to be anywhere near our daughter due to the combo of him being bi-polar and not correctly taking his meds. Some may remember I posted that he got physically violent with my BIL at a Christmas party. Since then, he hasn't been allowed to be in the same building as our daughter.
Your child's well being comes before everything. It has made our relationship with my MIL a pain in the arse, but I'll be damned if I will knowingly put my daughter in harm's way. You're absolutely not wrong.
Your child's well being comes before everything. It has made our relationship with my MIL a pain in the arse, but I'll be damned if I will knowingly put my daughter in harm's way. You're absolutely not wrong.
This post was edited on 3/8/18 at 3:59 pm
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