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Message
Dating as a 40 Year Old Man, How Realistic is it?
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:18 am
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:18 am
I know these threads are always around and it's probably been beaten to death, but put me in the group that's struggling right now.
Just turned 40 a few months ago and the dating scene seems pretty hopeless at this point. I'll admit a good amount of my situation is my own doing. I was definitely one of those immature boys in my 20s and even early 30s who didn't really know what I wanted and was afraid of commitment. I know in many ways I wasted my prime dating years.
After not bothering for a few years I decided to start using dating apps again. Tinder, Bumble, Facebook Dating, they are all a joke.
Many will say to meet a woman the traditional way, but is that even possible anymore? Let's look at it. 50, 40, 30, even 20 years ago there were essentially 5 traditional ways to meet a woman:
1) At Church/Religious Group
2) Through Family/Friends
3) At Work
4) Through Social Clubs/Groups
5) Bar/Club Scene
Considering that most of America is going away from religion the idea of meeting through "Church/Religious Group" seem slim to none. I'm religious but don't go regularly anyway. I also don't know a single person who met that way.
In the past through family and friends would've been a good angle but with most families not knowing as many people anymore it's hard. Needless to say in my case I've not met anyone through family and friends and the likelihood of that is slim to none.
Work until 10 years ago was a legitimate way to meet women. We see our coworkers at work more often and for longer periods of time than our family and friends. But in the post #MeToo era meeting through work is off limits and all but over.
Social Groups are a good option but less people are participating in those. Plus I feel too old to meet someone that way. And the bar/club scene has never been good unless you just want a quick hookup.
By and large in the post Covid world it's just the dating apps and those just suck the life out of me. They are completely awful.
With all that said, is it really possible for me as a 40 year old man (or any man in their 40s) to meet a decent looking kind woman anymore or am I pretty much done for?
Just turned 40 a few months ago and the dating scene seems pretty hopeless at this point. I'll admit a good amount of my situation is my own doing. I was definitely one of those immature boys in my 20s and even early 30s who didn't really know what I wanted and was afraid of commitment. I know in many ways I wasted my prime dating years.
After not bothering for a few years I decided to start using dating apps again. Tinder, Bumble, Facebook Dating, they are all a joke.
Many will say to meet a woman the traditional way, but is that even possible anymore? Let's look at it. 50, 40, 30, even 20 years ago there were essentially 5 traditional ways to meet a woman:
1) At Church/Religious Group
2) Through Family/Friends
3) At Work
4) Through Social Clubs/Groups
5) Bar/Club Scene
Considering that most of America is going away from religion the idea of meeting through "Church/Religious Group" seem slim to none. I'm religious but don't go regularly anyway. I also don't know a single person who met that way.
In the past through family and friends would've been a good angle but with most families not knowing as many people anymore it's hard. Needless to say in my case I've not met anyone through family and friends and the likelihood of that is slim to none.
Work until 10 years ago was a legitimate way to meet women. We see our coworkers at work more often and for longer periods of time than our family and friends. But in the post #MeToo era meeting through work is off limits and all but over.
Social Groups are a good option but less people are participating in those. Plus I feel too old to meet someone that way. And the bar/club scene has never been good unless you just want a quick hookup.
By and large in the post Covid world it's just the dating apps and those just suck the life out of me. They are completely awful.
With all that said, is it really possible for me as a 40 year old man (or any man in their 40s) to meet a decent looking kind woman anymore or am I pretty much done for?
This post was edited on 4/15/24 at 7:21 am
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:21 am to TheMountaineer
I hope you have money.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:22 am to TheMountaineer
Of course it's possible. Tough love time man, but you're looking for reasons to put yourself down. Hit the gym, join hobby groups for stuff you enjoy, and make sure you have your shite together. A stable dude in his 40s with stuff going for him is quite the catch.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:23 am to TheMountaineer
quote:
1) At Church/Religious Group
2) Through Family/Friends
3) At Work
4) Through Social Clubs/Groups
5) Bar/Club Scene
6) In rehab/AA meetings
FIFY
This post was edited on 4/15/24 at 7:24 am
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:23 am to TheMountaineer
Go to the gym and chat up the fit cutie in the squat rack..
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:25 am to TheMountaineer
How big of a city do you live in?
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:25 am to TheMountaineer
Take a yoga, etc class, start helping out at pet shelters, start coaching kids sports (all these women are going to have kids anyway).
Learn to talk to women.
Learn to talk to women.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:26 am to TheMountaineer
quote:
With all that said, is it really possible for me as a 40 year old man (or any man in their 40s) to meet a decent looking kind woman anymore or am I pretty much done for?
First, get off dating apps if you haven't already.. Most the women on there have been fricked and ghosted by just about every man they meet. They are essentially cum dumpsters.
Second, what are your measurables? Are you in shape? Tall? Have a decent to good career? If you are going bald or thinning just shave your head.
You need to be in shape and get out more and just talk to people. You are 100% correct about Covid impacting the dating scene people don't go out as much and when they do they are glued to their iPhone etc.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:27 am to TheMountaineer
quote:
Dating as a 40 Year Old Man, How Realistic is it?
The more attractive you are, the harder it is to find someone attractive enough to date.
quote:
1) At Church/Religious Group
The majority of these women are leftovers. The one or two that are attractive are looking for a unicorn that doesn't exist.
quote:
2) Through Family/Friends
Most of these people assume since you're single that you're willing to date any single female.
quote:
3) At Work
Never do this unless you plan on changing jobs soon.
quote:
4) Through Social Clubs/Groups
Your best option to find a compatible mate.
quote:
5) Bar/Club Scene
Go here if you're a wanting a short term fling with a girl that is probably not compatible enough to marry.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:27 am to TheMountaineer
Seems that the dating pool is pretty strong for your age range, IF you are willing to deal with step kids…
If you are looking for a single, never married, attractive woman in that age range that wants to settle down now; picking will be super slim
If you are looking for a single, never married, attractive woman in that age range that wants to settle down now; picking will be super slim
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:28 am to TheMountaineer
Eh, 40 really is the new 30.
People are waiting later and later to date seriously and get married.
If you can’t find a date at 40 it’s probably best to enter the gym before you enter the pool.
People are waiting later and later to date seriously and get married.
If you can’t find a date at 40 it’s probably best to enter the gym before you enter the pool.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:29 am to TheMountaineer
quote:
With all that said, is it really possible for me as a 40 year old man (or any man in their 40s) to meet a decent looking kind woman anymore
Absolutely. I did it. Met her online. Had to go through a number of them though to find one I would take my kids around. Dated them from 30 years old to 47. The 47 year old was the one I've been with for 3 years now. She's pretty and has a great personality. They're all nuts but I deal with her craziness better than the others I found.
I went on dates with meth heads to Bible thumpers, and everything in between. Dated a few decent girls for a couple months but none were worth staying with. I found my legitimate person. It's scary how alike we are and have telepathy with each other and can be states away from each other.
Jump in the pool bruh.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:30 am to TheMountaineer
Just from reading, I think lack of confidence is your biggest weakness. Also likely more hookups come from the gym than anywhere. Hire a hot female trainer and start working out. Also puppies pull ton of tail.
Don't leave the bat on your shoulder, swing at every pitch. It you're out walking your puppy at the park and a nice looking woman walks by with her dog say, "nice looking lady you got there," if she replies, "it's a boy dog," you respond, "I was talking to the dog,"
Don't leave the bat on your shoulder, swing at every pitch. It you're out walking your puppy at the park and a nice looking woman walks by with her dog say, "nice looking lady you got there," if she replies, "it's a boy dog," you respond, "I was talking to the dog,"
This post was edited on 4/15/24 at 7:36 am
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:31 am to TheMountaineer
Younger women are dying for a traditional man that is willing to invest in a relationship more than golf and/or video games.
I’m 50 and my wife is 35. We’ve been together for 10 years and married for 7.
We have all the challenges of any marriage but the point is that it’s very possible. I’m not an OT baller
I’m 50 and my wife is 35. We’ve been together for 10 years and married for 7.
We have all the challenges of any marriage but the point is that it’s very possible. I’m not an OT baller
This post was edited on 4/15/24 at 7:32 am
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:31 am to TheMountaineer
These threads are starting to legitimately confuse me. 40 is PEAK dating for a man with his shite together. Are you reasonably attractive? Do you have some natural charm ? Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy being in the presence of women?
If so , just go where women you like hangout and start chatting. Stay off the dating sites and just go to where the women are and smile and chat and do your thing. Women are waiting for you to make the first move and find it attractive. Even though the dating scene is screwy , it’s still relatively easy to make an IRL connection based on your good energy and natural charm. You are overthinking this.
If so , just go where women you like hangout and start chatting. Stay off the dating sites and just go to where the women are and smile and chat and do your thing. Women are waiting for you to make the first move and find it attractive. Even though the dating scene is screwy , it’s still relatively easy to make an IRL connection based on your good energy and natural charm. You are overthinking this.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:32 am to TheMountaineer
Best bet is to see if any of the Massage Parlor ladies needs papers.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:32 am to TheMountaineer
quote:
Considering that most of America is going away from religion the idea of meeting through "Church/Religious Group" seem slim to none. I'm religious but don't go regularly anyway. I also don't know a single person who met that way.
Well, we know your No. 1 problem. Not only is church a great way to improve yourself and your happiness, but it's a great way to network with some really good people. If you are just in for the babes, obviously it's not going to work.
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:34 am to TheMountaineer
Where do you live?
If you’re in a large city, you’re in prime time. If you live in a rural area or small southern city, sadly it’s the divorced mom life
If you’re in a large city, you’re in prime time. If you live in a rural area or small southern city, sadly it’s the divorced mom life
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:35 am to TheMountaineer
Ancestory.com
Just kidding. I liked Ron Rick’s and freemantors posts.
Get you right. People are attracted to happy fit people.
I’ve never used a dating site but maybe the eharmony or one that makes you fill out a stupid long survey. That seems like it might weed some of the attention deficit disorder whores out and focus on people who are serious with like minded stances on life.
I know two guys who have used that. One met his wife there forever ago. the other is just a bag of problems.
Just kidding. I liked Ron Rick’s and freemantors posts.
Get you right. People are attracted to happy fit people.
I’ve never used a dating site but maybe the eharmony or one that makes you fill out a stupid long survey. That seems like it might weed some of the attention deficit disorder whores out and focus on people who are serious with like minded stances on life.
I know two guys who have used that. One met his wife there forever ago. the other is just a bag of problems.
This post was edited on 4/15/24 at 7:55 am
Posted on 4/15/24 at 7:35 am to TheMountaineer
quote:Depends on where you live. There's still plenty of available, decent women out there if you're outside of NYC / left coast.
Considering that most of America is going away from religion the idea of meeting through "Church/Religious Group" seem slim to none.
If you live in any kind of city, Meetups abound. Hiking, pickleball, playing cards, dinner groups, all with available women.
Personally, I've never lacked for female attention ever since I learned some basic dancing skills about at 30. Salsa, swing, 2-step, whatever people do in your area.
No offense but it sounds like you have a bunch of excuses. I'm older but have a couple of single / divorced 40 yo friends and they do well. But they are involved. dodgeball, volleyball, gym, wine club, etc.
Get out of your comfort zone if you want to suceed.
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