re: Therapy: Make things better or worse?

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Wife recently started seeing a female therapist once a week to talk about things in her life that are challenging for her. Not getting into specifics of those things, but after several weeks of therapy it seems new issues (unrelated to the original reason for going) have been put in her mind.

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What are the issues coming up that you’re concerned about?

If she does have some issues that are connected to past experiences before you, it can definitely drudge some things up as you explore that in sessions. It’s possible there’s things that have been underlying issues that she didn’t realize but have figured out after talking about things.

find a therapist that specializes in marriage counseling and go with her.

My first wife and I saw a therapist when our marriage hit the rocks. Therapist (a male) swallowed her bullshite hook, line, and sinker and wasn't the least bit interested in hearing any concerns I had regarding issues that were causing strife in our relationship. Not only did this clown not save our marriage, he greatly speeded up the ending of it.

Therapy helped me immensely. It also taught me about familial boundaries, which I had none of before. This pissed off some family members who were used to me taking care of shite for everyone else. I started saying "no" a lot and people (aka mom and her side of the family) got mad. So therapy can cause changes to relationships. But in my case it was needed.

Typically, the first few weeks to couple months of therapy are worse than the lead up to going to therapy. We tend to hold a lot of stuff in and soldier on while problems are actually eating away inside. Once someone starts unpacking stuff in therapy, it starts to unlock a lot of stuff that no one even knew was there. Then, there’s a period where you’re almost paranoid because there was so much wrong inside that you didn’t know was there that you start, as an overreaction, over analyzing your whole life outside of therapy.

Eventually, however, you start to stabilize and seriously heal as you get better perspective and understanding of your struggles as well as healthy coping mechanisms to handle them. This process takes a few months, but is absolutely worth it.

When I first started therapy, I don’t think I really started showing noticeable improvements in my daily life for about 3 or 4 months, but I felt like a completely different person (in a good way) a little over a year after I started. And the positive mindset and habit changes were fully noticeable by friends and family another year after that.

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My first wife and I saw a therapist when our marriage hit the rocks. Therapist (a male) swallowed her bullshite hook, line, and sinker and wasn't the least bit interested in hearing any concerns

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This was my experience. Most are bleeding hearts and youre better off talking to the fellas down at the bar because they'll put everything on you.

I didnt want to save the relationship badly enough to endure it.

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but after several weeks of therapy it seems new issues (unrelated to the original reason for going) have been put in her mind.

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duh... can't make money if she cures your wife in 3 weeks.... She's gotta break through the unseen barriers and get down to the deep issues. Be prepared... your Weiner probably isn't big enough to help

Therapy is just paying to talk to a liberal until you agree with them

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dgnx6

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You literally said in another post not to ask questions, be her husband.

These therapists twists y’all’s minds. It’s all so contradictory.

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Allow me to clarify.

If and when your spouse comes to you and wants to communicate, listen, and don't attack --- and do not defend yourself. If you ask questions, it's not to agitate. If you ask a question, it's not to get an argument going. If you ask a question, it's genuinely to try and understand what the other person is thinking or feeling.

Many of us either don't truly listen to understand ... we listen to reply, or we defend, which doesn't help either. And the questions that we can ask are sometimes attacking.

The truth is, many people, both men and women, suck at communicating, collaborating, which leads to a lack of connection --- or disconnection, "I don't feel liked, loved, or respected," which is another way saying, "I don't feel valued, heard, or appreciated."