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re: Living With Your SO Before Marriage. Smart or Sin?

Posted on 3/8/22 at 10:59 am to
Posted by Fewer Kilometers
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2007
36103 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 10:59 am to
quote:

I'm Catholic & Italian, so it wouldn't have just been sin, I would have been kicked out of the family.
We had two apartments in the same complex, to placate the parents. My fiancé thought it was unnecessary, but I assured her that my dad was going to check and verify my apartment (which he did). My out of town friends liked it because my apartment was always open for occupants. Different times. We didn't bat an eye when our kids moved in with their S.O.'s.
Posted by Floyd Dawg
Silver Creek, GA
Member since Jul 2018
3943 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:00 am to
Didn't with wife #1 (no pics). Divorced within 5 years.

Did with wife #2 (still no pics). Celebrating 15 years in November.

Draw your own conclusions...
Posted by The_Slip
Member since Jan 2022
42 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:00 am to
Are all of the people saying NO to living with before marriage abstaining from sex as well? If not that's pretty dumb.
Posted by Demshoes
Up in here
Member since Aug 2015
10218 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:02 am to
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
67210 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:03 am to
Yes
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
One State Solution
Member since May 2012
55840 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:05 am to
quote:

quote:
Salmon


quote:
a family oriented social conservative



i don't actually know him or his life... but i will say actions speak louder than platitudes IMO
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
81225 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:06 am to
quote:

I don't have any qualms with couples moving in together and whether or not it leads to divorce, as I think other variable play a more important role in the outcomes of marriage



Yeah.. I get why people say living together is a must, and I live with my SO myself.. but I don't think living together is THAT important in all situations. I think it depends on the specific people in question. For us, we knew what living together was like long before it was official because my apartment essentially sat empty when I had one.
Posted by DesScorp
Alabama
Member since Sep 2017
6578 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:07 am to
quote:

Ah, yes, 1922. When the only grounds for divorce was adultery, except in rare cases, and women had few rights in the matter.


Go back to your soy milk. The men are talking.
Posted by jcaz
Laffy
Member since Aug 2014
15720 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:08 am to
I laughed in the priest’s face when he told my fiancée (now wife) that we needed to find separate living arrangements until after the wedding.
They wonder why young people are leaving the church in droves.
Posted by Feral
Member since Mar 2012
12456 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:09 am to
quote:

Living in together is the only way to get the full perspective of who a person truly is.

You'll see how an argument is radically different when you cant "escape" to your own home base.


This.

A fight when you're living togerher is a completely different dynamic than fighting and living apart.

You have nowhere to escape to, you can't just take a few days off, and you're forced to work through it (or ultimately break up). It's a true test of a couple's strength, maturity, and viability for marriage.
Posted by RT1941
Member since May 2007
30273 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:09 am to
quote:

Crazy is easy to hide for a couple days at a time, which is usually the longest people who don't live together will be in the same company. Living in together is the only way to get the full perspective of who a person truly is.

You'll see how an argument is radically different when you cant "escape" to your own home base.

Add to the list of "must dos before you do":


-attend multiple family gatherings (both sides) and really focus on things they said AFTER.

-watch them interact with non family pets/children
Great advice!
Also, you get to unearth finances and you'll know before hand how much debt each brings into the marriage. You'll get a test run on paying bills together, saving money and you'll see each others spending habits.

Money "issues" have to be at the top of the list of problems between a couple. It's important to know early on if you are about to assume massive student loans or credit card debt when you marry.

Posted by chryso
Baton Rouge
Member since Jul 2008
11926 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:09 am to
The idea that so many posters think buying a car and getting married are the same might explain the divorces.
Posted by tommy2tone1999
St. George, LA
Member since Sep 2008
6795 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:17 am to
quote:

The idea that so many posters think buying a car and getting married are the same might explain the divorces.


Posted by The Third Leg
Idiot Out Wandering Around
Member since May 2014
10056 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:19 am to
quote:

terrible sin to live under the same roof with my lady before making the commitment of marriage before God.

If you want to live in the 1950’s, head on down to Cuba.
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32719 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:20 am to
quote:

The idea that so many posters think buying a car and getting married are the same might explain the divorces.

It's exactly the same thing.

A 3-10 commitment after which you trade in for a newer model when the first one starts to make too much noise.
Posted by tommy2tone1999
St. George, LA
Member since Sep 2008
6795 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:21 am to
quote:

It's exactly the same thing.

A 3-10 commitment after which you trade in for a newer model when the first one starts to make too much noise.



And he thinks I'm the moron...
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83630 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:23 am to
I mean...you don't understand rates, nor obvious jokes, so



Posted by Alltheway Tigers!
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2004
7162 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:23 am to


If both parties are financially independent, emotionally matured, and honest with each other it can work. Without all three, it can quickly turn into a dependency issue where on person stays in because of the financial or emotional support. Long term, resentment builds on both side and it’s all toxic.

Same goes for a marriage, which is a formalize living arrangement.
Posted by tommy2tone1999
St. George, LA
Member since Sep 2008
6795 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:24 am to
quote:

I mean...you don't understand rates, nor obvious jokes, so


Says the guy who doesn't understand the simple laws of actions and consequences.
Posted by Salmon
On the trails
Member since Feb 2008
83630 posts
Posted on 3/8/22 at 11:27 am to
explain it to me like I'm 5, tommy
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