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When a friend offers to pay for anything unsolicited

Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:12 am
Posted by DellTronJon
Member since Feb 2010
1277 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:12 am
Do you:
1. Flat out reject
2. Do the 'No, I'll pay' back and forth' before letting them pay.
3. Say thank you, and pay next time.

I opt for number 3.

Eta: friend is not offering life assistance, but paying for a beer, meal, coffee, etc.
This post was edited on 6/23/22 at 7:19 am
Posted by MrJimBeam
Member since Apr 2009
12260 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:12 am to
2 then 3
Posted by 225Tyga
Member since Oct 2013
15779 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:13 am to
Depends what the offer is for.

Paying for a beer? Or helping pay your mortgage?
Posted by MyRockstarComplex
The airport
Member since Nov 2009
3276 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:15 am to
Law 40: despise the free meal
Posted by OysterPoBoy
City of St. George
Member since Jul 2013
34998 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:15 am to
He’s banging your wife.
Posted by NotoriousFSU
Atlanta, GA
Member since Oct 2008
10184 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:16 am to
Depends on what it is. If it’s offering to pay for drinks at the bar or food 2 or 3. If it’s offering to pay for my GF’s daughters to go on vacation in CA I’ll happily let them pay.
Posted by Langland
Trumplandia
Member since Apr 2014
15382 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:21 am to
I say thank you and let them pay. I am worthy of such treatment, unlike most of you heathens.

Unless it's a movie, because that would feel like a gay date. Especially if they offer to buy popcorn and drinks too.
Posted by CocomoLSU
Inside your dome.
Member since Feb 2004
150565 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:27 am to
quote:

Eta: friend is not offering life assistance, but paying for a beer, meal, coffee, etc.

I'll decline, and if he pushes, I'll accept and pick up the tab next time.
Posted by dualed
Member since Sep 2010
4690 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:28 am to
My friends and I will take turns most of the time. Go to a bar and say I’ve got everything here. Next place someone else, and so on.
Posted by ShrevetownTiger
Shreveport
Member since Jan 2007
2366 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:32 am to
Some people’s blessings are doing for others, if this is your friend don’t steal his blessing. You can always pay him back in other ways by buying the next round
Posted by Gorilla Ball
Member since Feb 2006
11648 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:33 am to
My former boss (who I respect yo this day) never let me pay for a meal, drink ever.
I just wanted to buy him a meal thanking him for everything thing he had done for me.
So when he retired a found a nice bed and breakfast within an hour or so of his house. I paid for the weekend. The guy had made some money through out his life so he probably owned the bed and breakfast- ha.
Posted by poochie
Houma, la
Member since Apr 2007
6185 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:34 am to
Rejecting an offer for something small because of some perceived pride situation is dumb. Why are people so weird?

Always 3.
Posted by CaptainsWafer
TD Platinum Member
Member since Feb 2006
58307 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:45 am to
Say thanks and remember to pay next time.
Posted by mdomingue
Lafayette, LA
Member since Nov 2010
29984 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:47 am to
It's situational.

If I invited them to have a meal or a beer, I'm paying, so 1, I invited.

If they invited me then it's 3.

If we randomly met up it will depend. If I know they are on a really tight budget, then 1 again. Otherwise 2 to gauge if they are sincerely offering or just trying to do what they think is socially appropriate. If they are sincerely wanting to buy, then 3, otherwise we debate until one of us relents.

If they are one of the few friends I have who are absolutely loaded, 3 without hesitation
Posted by The Spleen
Member since Dec 2010
38865 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:50 am to
It’s one of the most uncomfortable situations for me. I usually start with number 2, but I don’t protest very vigorously.
Posted by jbgleason
Bailed out of BTR to God's Country
Member since Mar 2012
18895 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:54 am to
quote:

I'll decline, and if he pushes, I'll accept and pick up the tab next time.


This is the correct answer. Decline once to be polite but don't get in a fricking argument with a friend. If they want to pay, let them. But pick up the tab next time without asking. Just say "you got the last one" once you have already picked up the tab.
Posted by Bbobalou
Where the action is.
Member since Oct 2012
5105 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:54 am to
Depends. I have a buddy who’s a millionaire. I just tell him thanks. But we are really good friends. But I don’t ask for handouts either

The rest I try to do number 3
This post was edited on 6/23/22 at 7:56 am
Posted by soccerfüt
Location: A Series of Tubes
Member since May 2013
65533 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:55 am to
The answer is subjective. A “friend” can also be someone I have business dealings with, and that can be peer, client, supplier, vendor, employee, etc. Age and gender also factor in. OT rating for women as well. So, in short, it’s complicated.

Personal life, usually 3, occasionally 2, rarely if ever 1.

I have paid for more things in my personal life than I’ve had paid for me in those subjective situations. By far.
Posted by Joshjrn
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2008
26984 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:55 am to
This situation has mostly been killed by Zelle/Venmo/etc, but before that, I would protest once and then not make an issue out of it, shifting to 3.

Now? If anyone wants to make an issue out of it, the person paying the tab has Zelle transfers in their account before anyone stands up from the table.
Posted by WhereisAtlanta
Member since Jun 2016
847 posts
Posted on 6/23/22 at 7:58 am to
quote:

My friends and I will take turns most of the time. Go to a bar and say I’ve got everything here. Next place someone else, and so on.


This, who has the time to split bills for a meal/drinks between friends, it will work its way out in the end or not,
IDNGAF.

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