re: What is the most psychotic thing an ex has done to you

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She covered his jeep (open soft top) seats with flour or baby powder. Also, she put razor blades in the powder hoping he’d be pissed and brush off the seats with his hands. Luckily it was windy enough, I guess, that he was able to see the corner of something shiny poking out.

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What a strange amount of depth to the planning.

How on earth did she come up with that idea?

I actually did have a girl that I'd gone out with about 4 times in college punch me in the face one night when she was drunk. She caught me completely off guard and busted my lip.

I looked at her and said "you hit like a bitch too" which totally improved the situation

I never spoke to her again.

My ex wasn't particularly crazy, but her family was.

It was pretty widely assumed within the family that my ex's dad wasn't the biological father of her older sister (let's call the older sister "Jessica"), but it wasn't really talked about. It was always the "elephant in the room." Well, my ex's mom and Jessica got into a huge argument one day. As an attempt to get back at mom, Jessica went and got a paternity test. The test showed that dad wasn't dad. As it turns out, Jessica's biological dad was my ex's dad's cousin! My ex's mom had told him all those years ago that the baby was his, and he married her because of it.

Fast forward to my birthday a few days later. My ex and I got back to her parents' house after going to the movies. When we walked in, the paternity report was on the island in the kitchen. The dad, who drank about a case of beer on a normal weekday, was out in the camper getting loaded and waiting on mom to come home. My ex and I were sitting on the couch when mom got home. She stared at the paternity report for a few minutes and then went into the bedroom. I watched her open a bottle of sleeping pills and pour a handful. At that time, dad kicks the front door in. Mom grabs a loaded .38 revolver and puts it to her head. They start wrestling over the gun. It falls to the floor. I grabbed the gun and fricking got the hell out of there while my ex called the police. Turns out the dumb bitch had the .38 loaded with .380 Auto.

Fast forward one week. Her family goes to Gulf Shores every year at Memorial Day and stays in the camper. I said I wasn't going, but the ex somehow guilted me into going. We get down there on Friday night and all go to bed. That next morning, dad gets up at 7:00 a.m. and pounds Miller Lites all day. At dinner with the whole extended family around, dad says, "oh look, I got bit by a mosquito. Funny things those mosquitoes. They latch onto you and suck you dry. *speaking to mom*- Just like you, you fricking dirty whore."

The ex and I, very uncomfortable with the situation, get in her car and go to get ice cream. Right as we're pulling in at the ice cream place, multiple cop cars and and ambulances pass going in the opposite direction. Sirens blaring, lights flashing. My ex's phone rings. It's her aunt. "Get back here right now." She wouldn't tell us what happened.

We pull up to the campground, and the parents are sitting opposite one another on picnic tables. Dad has a white towel to his chest, completely soaked with blood. I go into the camper, and there is blood everywhere. On the walls, on the floor. Bloody handprints. Bloody footprints. Blood on our luggage. I grabbed our shite and put it in the car.

After dad called mom a whore at the family dinner table, mom had gone back into the camper with Jessica's infant child. Mom was holding the infant when drunk dad comes in and swings at mom. Mom grabbed a steak knife and stabbed him in the chest all the way to the hilt of the knife. Missed his aorta by an inch. He survived. Mom practically cut off a finger in the scuffle.

I drove us back Mississippi that night. Dad survived. We were broken up within the year. To my knowledge, the parents are still together.

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called me about a decade later to tell me I was the "voice inside her head."

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I think there was a Blink-182 song about that.

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We used to live together. I came home one night and found she left a full meal from ichiban in my fridge with a note that she missed our monthly sushi dates

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Did you eat it?

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I have permanent physical and mental scars but it was fun. She finally quit texting and calling after two years of not responding to her.

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Dang. Was this Indy?

My first gf from high school through college hated that I watched porn and would constantly search through my internet history and accuse me of looking at it. It was almost a daily fight. The most insane part was when we would have sex (she was on birth control) she would look at how much I came and if it wasn’t as much as she thought it should be would start screaming at me about the fact that I must have jerked it earlier to porn. After we broke up she stalked me around town and would show up unannounced at places I was eating or at my house. She would constantly call and text, vacillating between telling me she loved me and she was sorry for her behavior and then immediately saying I physically abused her and was the biggest piece of shite ever and she would “tell the world how much of an abuser you are so no one else has to suffer,” which she did. Thankfully few people believed her. Two weeks after we broke up she had started dating another guy and now they are married. God bless his poor soul.

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RazorBroncs

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Damn dude. You must be huge.