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re: Wedding vs. Elope - Pro's & Con's

Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:04 am to
Posted by Paul Allen
Montauk, NY
Member since Nov 2007
75161 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:04 am to
quote:

advise brides not to take money with strings attached


Is that why we don’t see the money dance at receptions like we used to see?
Posted by thegreatboudini
Member since Oct 2008
6449 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:04 am to
quote:

If your daughter gets pissy when you want to have some input




You sure have changed your tune.

I said the dad can provide input, you're the one who said the dad was the de-facto decision maker. Which is beyond ridiculous.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
81186 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:05 am to
Funny enough, my (seemingly wealthy based on her home) wedding planner tried to convince me to do money dance. No dice on that, but I appreciated her effort. Lol.
Posted by madamsquirrel
The Snarlington Estate
Member since Jul 2009
48374 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:08 am to
Two of my four are married. The budgets for the weddings were modest (beer and wine only instead of a full bar was a concession we had to make since our family is huge) and a great time, memories, and photographs were had. Three of my four own houses also (youngest just finished college last year). But they were raised to budget everything since birth.
Posted by tigerbandpiccolo
Member since Oct 2005
49284 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:08 am to
I’ve done it both ways. Over achiever, I know

First wedding was a cathedral wedding, formal party, etc. It was almost 40k in 2011. Then the honeymoon was around 6k.

Second wedding-eloped. Went to a beautiful Caribbean island for a week. With the cost of the trip, photographer, wedding planning package, hair/makeup, etc, it was 10-11k, plus a 6-7k party (in laws insisted) when we returned.

Either way, nothing is going to be “cheap”, persay. But the eloping was infinitely less stressful, made amazing memories, met cool people from all over the world who I still keep up with..

I get why people want to do a big traditional wedding. I think the best of both worlds is a destination wedding with your closest friends and family but don’t expect that to be really any less expensive or stressful when it’s all said and done.
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:09 am to
quote:

as we have the home my arse better die in already (not soon hopefully).
well in Baton Rouge you never really know do you
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
81186 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:12 am to
LMAO ain’t that the truth. We are not hard to reach by foot so that helps.

Picc where did you honeymoon for the first?
This post was edited on 2/25/23 at 10:13 am
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
COINTELPRO Fan
Member since May 2012
55557 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:12 am to
eloping is just kind of lowbrow IMHO unless it's very poor people, second+ wedding, already had a bastard kid, etc.

be a proper european/american and have a wedding. weddings are important cultural and community events but we are steadily losing them.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
81186 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:14 am to
quote:

no matter how large doesn't cost a lot. It is the reception.


This is something people don’t think about. The ceremony is practically free. Feeding 200 people - wedding or not - costs money. Throw in alcohol and whatnot, it isn’t cheap to throw a big party.
Posted by BK Lounge
Member since Nov 2021
3409 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:20 am to
quote:

Waddings are almost a bigger waste of money then funerals..



I dont have a ton of knowledge of the costs of either- because i eloped, and b/c im still alive so havent yet had a funeral…. But though i know funerals can be expensive- i didnt realize that they could reach the stratosphere like weddings.. i have heard of some weddings of people i know getting into the six figures, and this was years ago, pre-inflation.. Funerals dont run that much, do they ?

And as far as the ‘wasteful’ part- neither event is *for* the participants, whether bride/groom or dead person- most will tell you that the event is *for* the attendees of said event .
Posted by tigerbandpiccolo
Member since Oct 2005
49284 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:23 am to
We did sandals in the Bahamas. I was also barely 23 and we didn’t have a ton to spend on the honeymoon. It was nice overall but at this stage I wouldn’t go back to a sandals.

Antigua (coco bay) for 2. The second was far better.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128950 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:24 am to
quote:

Funerals dont run that much, do they ?



No but they can still be pricey. I’m burying my father’s ashes in the burial plot he already paid for back when I was a baby. Going with most simple options for everything (grave marker, etc). Still will cost 7k for all of it.
Posted by RolltidePA
North Carolina
Member since Dec 2010
3476 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:30 am to
Go to enough weddings and you’ll see just how un-special they are. They’re a live action version of a paint by number where the prices are absolutely bloated by expectations and an entire industry built on cashing in on nostalgia.

My sister in law got married in an art museum, really nice venue. When she called to inquire they gave her rough pricing of $5-7k for the evening. The rep from the museum then asked if the event was a wedding and then apologized and said the pricing would be $12-15k.

Long story short, the party is rarely as good as you hope and you shell out massive amounts of money for people to eat generally mediocre food that they couldn’t care less about.

Weddings are like college these days. The price escalation has become so ridiculous, that you really have to evaluate if it’s really worth it.
Posted by saderade
America's City
Member since Jul 2005
25730 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:42 am to
The best weddings I’ve been to have all been destination weddings. They are obviously expensive for guests but cheaper than doing a large wedding in New Orleans.
Posted by SpotCheckBilly
Member since May 2020
6402 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 10:51 am to
quote:

Context - wedding savings for daughter's eventual wedding


What does your daughter want, and what does your wife want. The menfolk are just props and wallets in all this about 90% of the time.

My daughter always said she did not want a big wedding, and when the time came, she did a destination wedding in Portugal. About 25 showed up and had a great time doing things together for 4 days. Then everyone split up and did their own European vacation. She didn't ask for any money, but we of course chipped in. It wasn't that expensive, but then she is a great planner.

I was involved in a big, huge ceremony once and I was little more than a prop for my soon to be ex-wife and her mom. I would have gladly taken my FIL's offer to elope, but the females didn't even want us to talk about it. They had parties to plan.
Posted by Snipe
Member since Nov 2015
10898 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 11:45 am to
quote:

But though i know funerals can be expensive- i didnt realize that they could reach the stratosphere like weddings.


The price is irrelevant for the most part, they're both a waste of money on something that is just for show it adds zero to the actual event that it's meant to showcase. The money could be put to much wiser use than an extravaganza that most people will forget within a few weeks or months.
Posted by ExtraGravy
Member since Nov 2018
794 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 12:19 pm to
this is about the bride (and her mom), not the groom, and not the bride's dad. If she wants a wedding, and most of them do, then she's going to get one.

So OP, keep saving your pennies and if you're really lucky then one day you won't have to put on a wedding. But more likely you will. It's just the way this goes.
Posted by Klark Kent
Houston via BR
Member since Jan 2008
66716 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 12:23 pm to
quote:

Destination wedding with only your closest friends and family.


the problem is scheduling and attendance. The bride is likely to get super butthurt if someone from the few invited doesn’t show. but hey, that’s husbands drama to live with
Posted by Sun God
Member since Jul 2009
44874 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 12:28 pm to
quote:

LSUtwolves

quote:

(No message

Aw man what did I miss
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
48432 posts
Posted on 2/25/23 at 12:33 pm to
Sonny's BBQ is a "destination" reception too
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