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Was a tough time in my life but i made it out and you can too.

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Came out extremely broke as frick but a lot happier in the end

ive been through it. it is hell. life goes on

Been there done that still paying for it.

Divorce absolutely sucks arse. Divorce with kids more so.

I’m not sure what to tell you other than fight like hell to be better than you are and get the help you need to do so.

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she'll be in a shite mood because the kids are making her mad, she had a bad workout at the gym, she has a headache, or the fricking sky was the wrong shade of blue on a given day, and then suddenly she's lashing out at me and bringing up that time that i did ---insert thing i did a long time ago that wasnt a huge deal at the time...or even better, something i dont even remember doing--- and then suddenly that thing i (maybe) did is the focal point in a week long existential marriage fight.

Pretty sure we married a woman.

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Fixed

You're in my prayers brother. I've been sober, drug and alcohol free for over 35 years - 12/27/87. worked as a substance abuse and marriage & family counselor early in my profession. Based on what information you've shared, several things come to mind.

First and foremost, you're obviously hurting bad enough to share your personal life with complete strangers. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Yours may be a dual-diagnosis as medical professionals can help you with that. Lots of solid advice has been posted. Most importantly: ONLY you can fix YOU.

You admitted to your depression: are you seeing a medical professional regularly and taking your medication as prescribed ? Mental health is real and it is just one thing that is affecting your marriage. Get help immediately otherwise your problems will only worsen.

Drinking - I suspect you have embarrassed your wife (and yourself) and multiple occasions, probably more than you realize. These actions have caused a riff in your marriage as your wife no longer trusts you.

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I guess I’m just not what she wants?

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No one signs up and agrees to marry a depressed alcoholic who blacks out during family gatherings. The husband she married 3 yrs ago is not the same person you are today. In order to be happy and pain-free, you have to admit you're powerless and get help. Only way your wife will regain her trust is to see you making positive changes. You ain't gonna fix the problem in 30 days as recovery is a marathon that has to be worked on daily for the rest of your life. If you truly want happiness, it starts from within. She may also need counseling as that's her decision to make.

No one knows how your situation and marriage will turn out. It's been my experience that women, and some men will only tolerate so much from being let down. If you continue to F-up and repeat your past history, then they'll decide to cut any losses and move on. Best way to salvage your relationship and current life is to admit you have a problem(s) and seek out help.

The main thing my divorce has done for me is make me a member of

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and you hitting a detox place are the bear minimum you need to do here.

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are the bear minimum you

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bear minimum

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I’m a fool for not knowing how much it hurt her

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You are a fool for not admitting you have a serious drinking problem. Everything you stated indicates you have no idea how much your life revolves around alcohol. You minimize because to you it seems so normal.