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re: Things they don't tell you about having kids...
Posted on 8/14/24 at 8:22 pm to DiamondDog
Posted on 8/14/24 at 8:22 pm to DiamondDog
Somehow they can get all of their weight and momentum applied to the Balzac with an arm, leg, or their head.
To apply the full force of 35 pounds launching at velocity with momentum and applying full force at impact is impressive.
To apply the full force of 35 pounds launching at velocity with momentum and applying full force at impact is impressive.
0
Posted on 8/14/24 at 8:28 pm to BoogaBear
quote:
This. Between 3 kids and 2 dogs my nuts are hit constantly. I opened the door yesterday and my GSP swatted me in the nuts as I walked in. Kid got me a couple hours later on the couch.
I’ll be laying on the sofa and he jumps up and literally hits my nuts with all four of his paws. It’s uncanny how he’s able to be so accurate.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 8:30 pm to DiamondDog
worst that ever happened to me was when my oldest son was around 5 years old.
that’s when the Ninja Turtles made a comeback into popularity.
Bought him a set on Ninja Sais because he loved Raphael.
me and him was “fighting” and i was the bad guy.
well he “killed” me.
so i crumple to ground and close my eyes.
he then lets out this primal scream and jabbed the end of that Sai directly into my eye.
HOLY shite did that hurt.
that’s when the Ninja Turtles made a comeback into popularity.
Bought him a set on Ninja Sais because he loved Raphael.
me and him was “fighting” and i was the bad guy.
well he “killed” me.
so i crumple to ground and close my eyes.
he then lets out this primal scream and jabbed the end of that Sai directly into my eye.
HOLY shite did that hurt.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 8:42 pm to DiamondDog
Just wait, soon you'll be old enough to sit on your balls now and then, same pain.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 8:43 pm to DiamondDog
Your baby will have at least one diaper blowout that will require a hazmat suit for cleanup. Hope that it is not in the carseat in your vehicle.
If you have a boy, he will pee on you while changing his diaper. Keep your head on a swivel and never put your face directly in the line of fire.
When they are toddlers, they will get a sick stomach - for whatever reasaon - and projectile vomit somewhere in the house. Just hope it is on a wood, vinyl, or tile floor and not on carpet.
If you have a boy, he will pee on you while changing his diaper. Keep your head on a swivel and never put your face directly in the line of fire.
When they are toddlers, they will get a sick stomach - for whatever reasaon - and projectile vomit somewhere in the house. Just hope it is on a wood, vinyl, or tile floor and not on carpet.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 8:44 pm to NorthEndZone
quote:
If you have a boy
you will need to take out a 2nd mortgage to feed him as a teenager.
and they somehow won’t gain a pound.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 8:48 pm to DiamondDog
Three kids is 45k per year for a good education. Get learned batch. My broke arse parents sent me to gifted and tainted as such. I'm proof the system is designed to make us stoopeder. Oh. And
Prices may vary due to location.
Prices may vary due to location.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 9:13 pm to Maillard
That changing diapers is a joy. I have my first 3.5 month baby girl at home and she absolutely loves to be on her changing pad/table. Every single time no matter how bad a mood before, she always laughs and smiles. I also built the wood changing table myself, so add that to the feels and it melts my heart as a new dad. No amount of shite can take that feeling away from me right now
Posted on 8/14/24 at 9:15 pm to DiamondDog
You will become a morning person whether you want to be or not, and by the time you don't have to anymore, you won't be able to undo it.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 9:40 pm to DiamondDog
quote:sex dissipates. Oh..... I thought this was a marriage thread
Things they don't tell you about having kids...
Posted on 8/14/24 at 9:41 pm to NorthEndZone
quote:
Things they don't tell you about having kids...
quote:
Your baby will have at least one diaper blowout that will require a hazmat suit for cleanup.
I dont have kids, but I’ve heard that a lot of parenting involves poop.. like, A LOT of it…. That alone is kind of a deterrent for me, although i assume you become kind of desensitized to it after a while .. im just not great with bad smells and disgusting stuff in general .
Posted on 8/14/24 at 9:46 pm to DiamondDog
Nobody ever told me that kids have absolutely zero respect for the back seat
Posted on 8/14/24 at 9:47 pm to fallguy_1978
Boy this is the truth. I couldn’t sleep past 6 even if I wanted to and my dog wasn’t a jackass who is a natural alarm clock
Posted on 8/14/24 at 9:51 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
Sometimes you don't bond immediately, and that's OK.
This one...they need to stop shoving the hollywood love at first hold shite like it happens to everyone. IN the hospital it was easy...then shite got hard..I hadnt formed a bond and my son had severe colic symptoms and zero ability to reciprocate anything. I went a solid 2 weeks with no sleeps and my son ONLY wailing. It wasn’t rainbows and sunshine...it was obligation, love for my wife and survival until we formed a bond.
This post was edited on 8/14/24 at 9:52 pm
Posted on 8/14/24 at 9:58 pm to DiamondDog
quote:
I remember in high school baseball every once in a while you'd get a nut sho
I was a catcher, I think I am immune to nut shots now.t
Posted on 8/14/24 at 10:49 pm to fr33manator
quote:
When they become teens they kick you in the heart.
I have a very little one and reading this just kicked my heart in the nuts.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 11:00 pm to DiamondDog
quote:
I remember in high school baseball every once in a while you'd get a nut shot. It's overall a rare thing as a normal male. This is like a daily occurrence now.
Maybe you should just start wearing a cup.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 11:18 pm to DiamondDog
quote:
DiamondDog
Honestly, if you ever had a dog you should have been primed for nutshots already. They aren't as accurate as kids and they don't do it in the half-assed I can get away with this way but most of them are terrors on the nutsack.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 11:27 pm to Obtuse1
It toughens you up. My younger self wouldnt be able to fathom how many times Ive gotten completely racked.
Posted on 8/15/24 at 5:52 am to DiamondDog
I haven’t laughed this hard at a post in a while!!
I have 6 kids and you are so damn right!!
My 11y/o hit me in the nuts with a football yesterday
I have 6 kids and you are so damn right!!
My 11y/o hit me in the nuts with a football yesterday
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