re: the most embarrassed you’ve ever been

At a hotel, I sleepwalked (sleptwalked?) outside my room naked (I slept naked). I started to become conscious of what I was doing while I was pissing on the carpet in the laundry room / ice area. I thought I was dreaming so I just kept on pissing, all over the carpet. Then the idea of "what if this is not a dream" started to set in, and I realized that I was not in fact dreaming. My room was a few doors down from the laundry area, so I ran through the hall and tried to get back into my room and the door was locked, of course. I didn't have the key with me, obviously. I kept running back to the laundry area, gathered my thoughts, then kept running back to my door and jiggling the handle, thinking it would magically open. After doing this a few times, I calmed myself down and found a plastic grocery bag in the laundry room and made it into a pseudo loin cloth / diaper. I then had to face the truth that I must walk over to the lobby and get a new room key. This hotel was an extended stay type place, and had a separate building for the lobby / check-in area. I had to go outside and cross the parking lot to the lobby. I entered the lobby through a side door near the restroom. I went into the men's and women's restrooms and looked for a towel or something to cover myself up with, but no luck. I then remembered that there are towels in the workout room, which is unfortunately on the other side of the lobby, which would force me to to pass the front desk where the receptionist (often times a college female) was. I army crawled past the front desk to get to the workout room, and I'm not sure why the receptionist did not hear the plastic grocery bag crinkle with every movement. I made it to the workout room, but then realized that I needed a key to get in...I had a good WTF freakout moment at that point, but finally worked up the courage to go to the front desk to get a new key. I army crawled back across the lobby and kind of popped up at the front desk so my lower half couldn't be seen. Luckily, the receptionist that was there was this old guy who recognized me. I explained to him that I must have sleepwalked and locked myself out of the room. He had a good laugh about it, but was cool and said that his cousin did the same thing. He gave me a new key, and I went back to my room and passed out. It must have been around 1-2 AM when this all happened.

My hotel phone rang the next morning around 7 and woke me up. My first thought was that hotel management has seen security footage and know about me pissing all over the carpet in the laundry area and are going to ask me to leave, but the phone only rang one time and stopped.

I don't sleep naked any more.