re: the most embarrassed you’ve ever been

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back when i was like 15 i was randomly going through a classmates facebook page. i ended up at a picture that he took with his girlfriend when they were like 14 and i somehow "tagged" myself on the picture. i quickly delted my tag, and the kid never acted any differently towards me the rest of our high school lives, but to this day ive always wondered if he got a notification that i did that and it totally changed his opinon of me

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One of my greatest fears is that one day i will accidentally type someones name into the status bar instead of the search bar and submit it without knowing. and then it just sit there for hours.....my status being a random persons name.

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whit

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It's okay. I've got a slightly more autistic story I will share that makes me grind my teeth in anxiety looking back.

My freshmen year in college I was still kind of sheltered and trying to find myself. I had just started having sex the previous summer and was still in that angsty, anti-comedy phase in my life. I thought I was cool. Freshmen, LSU, having sex. The best way to describe it is Dane Cook come to life with no laughs.

The actual topic of conversation was in English class, "What was the most embaressing moment of your life." Being the try hard twat I was at 17, in LSU English 1001, I proceed to get up and tell the story about how my ex-girlfriends dad caught me banging his daughter and I had to stuff the condom afterwards in my pocket to hide it. At one point I reached in my pocket and pulled out the condom. Really awkward with her dad being there. Completely not appropriate for public consumption.

So anyway, I'm telling the class this dumb shite story and I'm so autistic, I realize nobody thinks this is cool at all until about the last 1/4 when suddenly some frat guy yells out "Booo. Sit down" and threw a balled up McDonalds wrapper at me. People started clapping.

I somehow autistic-ally sat in that class the rest of the year and the professor (old guy, later a Proctor at one of those auto testing centers in 2005-2006) used to start acting like he didn't recognize me whenever we ran into each other on campus until I heard him tell a colleague once as he walked away "that's one weird arse kid".

There was also the time I asked this girl out and she said no, to which my retarded arse asked in the middle of the quad obnoxiously loud "I don't get it. Why won't you date me?" real sad like that bordered on crying. People around stopped and looked. I was 17. I had some problems.

Somehow I phased out of it after the first semester of college but damn, did I have some problems.

I wrote “I love (girl’s name)” on my pencil case in second grade. Some little a-hole told on me in front of the entire class. For what, I dont know. I didnt do anything wrong. The teacher and the entire class looked at me, and she said “Is this true?” as if I just killed someone. Cried in front of the entire class.

Still to this day remember the look on the girl’s face as the kid told on me.

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There was also the time I asked this girl out and she said no, to which my retarded arse asked in the middle of the quad obnoxiously loud "I don't get it. Why won't you date me?

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I got caught sucking my own dick by my mom in my teens.

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Wow. I want to believe this for the comedy, but i don’t. If it is true, how is your relationship with your mother now?

I’d have sent your arse to boarding school so I didn’t have to look at you for a while lol.

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There was also the time I asked this girl out and she said no, to which my retarded arse asked in the middle of the quad obnoxiously loud "I don't get it. Why won't you date me?

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Gawddamn

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Wow. I want to believe this for the comedy, but i don’t. If it is true, how is your relationship with your mother now?

I’d have sent your arse to boarding school so I didn’t have to look at you for a while lol.

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It was awkward for awhile, but dad explained to her that any male that could do it, would do it. Giving yourself head ain't the same as giving another dude head.

fricked my girlfriend's Mom in college, got caught red-handed by the girlfriend and Dad. I'm lucky to be walking the earth.

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I walked up to her and asked her if she would like to dance. She said very loudly No!!!!!

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We all went through this at one time or another as adults. I had a friend that learned a stupid trick. If the girl said a shitty "No" he would ask "No what?"

When she said "I don't want to dance" he would say "I didn't ask that. I said you look fat in those pants."

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But when the obit runs, my wife's family discovers that the aunt in “beloved aunt” was somehow transcribed as an incredibly offensive word that starts with the letter “c.”

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Assuming this is true, I would be absolutely furious. I would hope the family would understand that it wasn’t done intentionally or even your fault at all. Hell, you couldn’t run an obit like that if you tried.