re: The Bitterness of Missing Out on Love

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I came to the realization a few years a that I’m going to die alone. It’s pretty depressing

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This is the realization that I'm coming to right now. I truly believe I am going to die broken and alone and internally it terrifies me.

I always thought I could make it alone. I never wanted to rely on anyone. In my 20s I never thought I needed love. I always thought I could be my own best friend. Wow was I very wrong.

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It all goes back to one of (if not the biggest) regret of my life. That I never got to experience pure innocent love. I never got to experience the love that many of you got to experience in high school, college or mid 20s. The "fun, no cares in the world, our life is just starting and still ahead of us, we can do anything" type of love. It kills me a little bit each day that I've never had (and probably will never have) that type of love.

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same here man....

better to have loved and lost

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Am I making too much of a big deal over it? Do you think my bitterness is justified or misguided?

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I've been in your boat. I was successful in my career, people seemed to like me, and I was a functioning member of society. It killed me that "all the good ones were taken" and "why doesn't anyone like me". I caused me a ton of pain to see happy couples, and just feel broken.

It sounds so, so counter intuitive, but you have to let go of those feelings. Even if you stumble into a relationship, it'll be more about the "relationship" than the actual person. You won't like/love the person, you'll love/like the idea of the person and what they represent. It is destined to fail.

See a psrink, get involved in a bunch of new activities to meet people, and calm the frick down. Even if everything doesn't work out (it will), you'll be the cool guy in your 30's, 40's, and 50's that constantly has a string of dates.

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think it's ridiculous that guys like me and him are expected to essentially "save" broken women. That we are supposed to date women who are divorced/separated/out of a bad relationship and be the responsible ones.

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So, in your world, anyone divorced is "broken"? Lemme guess- anyone over 30 who's still single isn't worth dating either. No wonder you're alone.

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I always thought I could make it alone. I never wanted to rely on anyone. In my 20s I never thought I needed love. I always thought I could be my own best friend. Wow was I very wrong.

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It's irreplaceable. I feel sorry for people who cannot feel/express strong emotion. Greatest feeling in the world.

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Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

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Bet the majority of men paying alimony would disagree with you.

You could be somewhere this minute picking up women.

Will she be the one?

Maybe.

The problem with these posts is that you don't seem to understand that women don't have a series of boxes to check.

You the love you are willing to put up with.

There's some lady with a live love laugh poster waiting for you.

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Nobody is perfect man. Maybe you are the piece to turn that women into a loving wife. Marriage isn’t some fairytale. Life has trials and tribulations and to make a marriage work long term both have to realize that neither partner is perfect and you will have to live with their shortcomings.

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But it goes back to the fact that I'm 36 now. Even if I do go out and aggressively date I feel like I'm going to have to make a choice:

A) Date women closer to my age (30 and up) who will most likely be divorced/separated/out of a bad relationship and possibly have kids.

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B) Date a woman significantly younger than me (early, mid, maybe late 20s) which typically causes its own issues. Never mind women in that age range will typically be more superficial and we might not have as much in common. Never mind we would've grown up in very different times.

Neither option is great and I have no clue which way to go in that regard.

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So, in your world, anyone divorced is "broken"? Lemme guess- anyone over 30 who's still single isn't worth dating either. No wonder you're alone.

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It seems like you're projecting into what he's saying. He didn't say all divorced people are broken, but that he feels like he is supposed to date the broken ones. Ironically, it's his own lack of self confidence that makes him feel that way, but to pretend there are not massively broken people out there (OP included currently) is comical.