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Started By
Message
re: Taking this to the OT for advice.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 8:50 am to Tvilletiger
Posted on 10/9/24 at 8:50 am to Tvilletiger
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/28/25 at 3:44 am
0
Posted on 10/9/24 at 8:54 am to HouseMom
Agree. 100 percent.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 8:57 am to Tvilletiger
No you aren't wrong at all. You have standards set and stood strong, good for you
Posted on 10/9/24 at 8:57 am to Tvilletiger
Posted on 10/9/24 at 8:58 am to Tvilletiger
quote:You allowed her to stay with his family for 7 days last week? Why wouldn't she, your ex, the boyfriend AND this family not think it's okay to do the same this week?
She loves “playing house” she was there for 7 days during the last hurricane a week ago. This is what I am dealing with. Have to lay down the law.
His parents house is only about a mile away. Driving was not an issue. We live inside a club.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 8:59 am to Tvilletiger
quote:Are you currently paying more than 50% of here expenses.
I get that they do this when they are away in college.
If so, it’s your house your rules
If not, she is an adult and can do what she wants
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:04 am to TCO
quote:Looking at it from the wrong perspective.
I’m helping you through school, and in return I have total control over your life.” You don’t see how fricked up that sounds?
Spend a couple nights away from boyfriend to appease Dad and avoid student loans? Then as soon as this storm passes go right back to what you were doing down at college
That’s a damn easy decision for me
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:08 am to Bayou_Tiger_225
quote:Dad just allowed her spend 7 days/nights with boyfriend's family a week ago during the last hurricane. Now that Dad decides to lay down the law and make her come to his house, everyone's in a tizzy.
Spend a couple nights away from boyfriend to appease Dad and avoid student loans?
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:09 am to Bayou_Tiger_225
quote:
Are you currently paying more than 50% of here expenses. If so, it’s your house your rules If not, she is an adult and can do what she wants
You are the same people who constantly bitch on this board how useless 20-something’s are. It’s because of this kind of parenting.
Using money as a bully tactic teaches your kid absolutely nothing and doesn’t help them to be good decision makers as adults.
You give them the tools to make good decisions and hope that they make the right choices. If you have to “punish” an 18 year old adult, you have already failed.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:12 am to Tvilletiger
Look back on this thread when you make another one in five years or so about why your daughter never visits and wants nothing to do with you.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:13 am to TCO
quote:
You are the same people who constantly bitch on this board how useless 20-something’s are. It’s because of this kind of parenting.
Not only that, now that they're old they want to act like they weren't sleeping around with their girlfriend at 18 in college. The same people joke about how the younger generation is gay and and doesn't get laid but it's not so funny when your daughter is the one getting piped
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:15 am to Tvilletiger
She's 18... cut the fricking cord already. News flash: she's probably not a virgin anymore.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:16 am to SUB
quote:
Why do you care more about the location that your daughter sleeps with her boyfriend than the act itself?
It may sound dumb, but it is a sign of respect. I get that it may not make any logical sense.
My wife and I lived together before we were married, but whenever we had to spend a night at my parents' or her parents' house, we still slept in different rooms to respect our Catholic parents.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:19 am to Tvilletiger
One of the things I've learned as my 3 kids have entered adulthood is how my perceptions are wholly off-base in a lot of cases.
What's helped me is remembering what I felt like I was capable of at 18yo rather than thinking things through as them being my "kids". When I was 18, I had a lot going on. I was responsible and thought it absolutely ridiculous when my parents would try to tell me what I could or couldn't do (suggestions I was fine with).
So when you were 18, did you think it was ridiculous for your parents to dictate what you could or couldn't do? Do you think they saved you in any meaningful way by doing so?
What's helped me is remembering what I felt like I was capable of at 18yo rather than thinking things through as them being my "kids". When I was 18, I had a lot going on. I was responsible and thought it absolutely ridiculous when my parents would try to tell me what I could or couldn't do (suggestions I was fine with).
So when you were 18, did you think it was ridiculous for your parents to dictate what you could or couldn't do? Do you think they saved you in any meaningful way by doing so?
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:22 am to Tvilletiger
quote:
I am wrong on this but the entire female side of my family appears to.
If she were a boy trying to sleep at his GFs house would you have a different opinion?
I honestly think you are screwing the pooch on this one either way. The only thing you are ensuring is that she doesn't tell you the truth next time. I'd rather know the truth of where my child is and then talk to them about making good decisions rather than have them lie to me. Next time you will feel good that she is at her friend Sarah's house when she is really on a road trip to Tijuana.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:22 am to Tvilletiger
You know he's fricking the shite out of her, right? I mean, he's wearing it out. Hard.
That said, if you're funding her existence still, then it's your rules, regardless of her age.
That said, if you're funding her existence still, then it's your rules, regardless of her age.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:23 am to Tvilletiger
Your kid is 18 years old and out of high school. Whether you like it or not, she's an adult. Using financial leverage to coerce another adult into doing exactly what you want is a shitty thing to do, and is probably going to breed resentment.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:23 am to TCO
quote:I am 20 something
You are the same people who constantly bitch on this board how useless 20-something’s are. It’s because of this kind of parenting.
quote:It isn’t a punishment in my eyes. They are an adult at 18. At that point choosing to pay for them is a personal choice. Why continue to fund them to live a life style you don’t approve of?
Using money as a bully tactic teaches your kid absolutely nothing and doesn’t help them to be good decision makers as adults. You give them the tools to make good decisions and hope that they make the right choices. If you have to “punish” an 18 year old adult, you have already failed.
They can still absolutely do what they want, and you can still love them. But that doesn’t mean you have to pay for it.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:27 am to Bayou_Tiger_225
Well that’s fine and dandy. One day you’ll have kids and they’ll have trust issues and the inability to make their own choices. Good luck to you.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:27 am to Tvilletiger
It is not possible to enforce an honorable code in a dishonorable culture. Especially one that includes an ex and an amorous daughter. I understand your position. But you won’t win this.
I used to stay at girlfriend’s parents homes. I just slept in the guest room ( allegedly) as an expression of tradition and respect. Hopefully his parents enforce this and they are forced to have car sex/ apartment sex like we had to do.
I used to stay at girlfriend’s parents homes. I just slept in the guest room ( allegedly) as an expression of tradition and respect. Hopefully his parents enforce this and they are forced to have car sex/ apartment sex like we had to do.
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