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Started By
Message
re: Taking this to the OT for advice.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:32 am to Bayou_Tiger_225
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:32 am to Bayou_Tiger_225
quote:
It isn’t a punishment in my eyes. They are an adult at 18. At that point choosing to pay for them is a personal choice. Why continue to fund them to live a life style you don’t approve of?
They can still absolutely do what they want, and you can still love them. But that doesn’t mean you have to pay for it.
Are you paying for their expenses because you love them and want to help them out, or are you doing it because you still want control over their lives?
0
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:34 am to Epic Cajun
quote:
Using financial leverage to coerce another adult into doing exactly what you want is a shitty thing to do,
Someone needs to tell my employer this, assholes refuse to pay me if I don’t show up to work
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:38 am to TCO
I think we all believe that you are under no obligation to continue to pay for your adult kids if they are living a life style you don’t approve of. Somewhere along that road they would cross the line
My line is a little farther up than yours, but it isn’t like we are completely disagreeing.
My line is a little farther up than yours, but it isn’t like we are completely disagreeing.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:39 am to Tvilletiger
Your daughter goes to FSU and has a boyfriend at UF 
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:40 am to yellowfin
quote:
Someone needs to tell my employer this, assholes refuse to pay me if I don’t show up to work
At some point you agreed to perform x amount of work for x amount of money, your employer doesn't give a shite about you, they only care about the work you perform.
Is that the type of relationship you want with your kids? A transactional relationship where your output towards them is only based upon them performing certain inputs?
An 18 year old is an adult. If you want to help your kids out financially so that their life is easier, that's respectable. But doing so only because you want control over them is shitty.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:40 am to Tvilletiger
quote:
My daughter (18) no pics mfs.
She went from Tally to Gainesville to get her boyfriend (he is not allowed his car there) and drove back home yesterday afternoon.
Hurricane is coming bad idea already.
They made it back here.
She then late night decides she is going to stay with him at his parents house.
I said hell no.
I get that they do this when they are away in college.
Not here though.
Am I wrong on this?
I am still so pissed.
My ex then decided to be her best friend (she is jealous that she is here with me) and say that she should be able to do that that made things about 100x worse.
Huge fight ensued.
Am I wrong?
She ended up here but it was not pretty.
Simple question, who pays the bills?
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:41 am to Tvilletiger
Why you avoiding answering whether or not she is still financially dependent on you baw
If not, you have zero leg to stand on
If not, you have zero leg to stand on
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:41 am to TCO
quote:it’s a poverty mindset
“I’m helping you through school, and in return I have total control over your life.”
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:45 am to GreatLakesTiger24
It certainly makes it transactional and business-like. And when she is financially independent, you then wonder why she doesn’t feel the love and affection to come around and visit.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:46 am to Tvilletiger
quote:
She loves “playing house” she was there for 7 days during the last hurricane a week ago. This is what I am dealing with. Have to lay down the law.
little late to lay down laws. shes a legal adult & youre divorced from her mother who actively goes against your wishes. whole scenario sounds very trashy.
quote:
rating on the ex
WNHI
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:47 am to Tvilletiger
She's an adult and can do what she wants, BUT, if you own the car, you can not let her use it.
This post was edited on 10/9/24 at 9:50 am
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:49 am to dalefla
My parents were that strict. I got married at 18. 
As a parent I don’t let love interests sleep at my house but they’re free to go where they want.
As a parent I don’t let love interests sleep at my house but they’re free to go where they want.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:51 am to boosiebadazz
quote:
And when she is financially independent
I am not trying to be mean but I literally laughed at this.
There are no financially independent people in there 20s right now because of lack of parenting.
My 2 cents on that.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:51 am to Tvilletiger
I support your decision to make a stand, but you also have to be prepared to alienate others. As long as your decisions/advice come from a place of honesty and her best interests, then you have nothing to worry about.
You're trying to preserve her dignity and self-respect. I see nothing wrong with that. If a parent can't do that then who can?
This is more complicated than if someone is of the age of consent. This is about virtue. Something a lot of people have given up on.
You're trying to preserve her dignity and self-respect. I see nothing wrong with that. If a parent can't do that then who can?
This is more complicated than if someone is of the age of consent. This is about virtue. Something a lot of people have given up on.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:51 am to boosiebadazz
Also, it’s not like she’s doing heroin or he’s an ex con
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:53 am to dyslexiateechur
quote:
As a parent I don’t let love interests sleep at my house but they’re free to go where they want.
I've never thought about this.
I like this.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:54 am to Tvilletiger
quote:
His parents house is only about a mile away. Driving was not an issue. We live inside a club.
A mile away? I’m missing the big deal here, all around. They stay there, or a mile away, or separate, doesn’t seem like a big thing.
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:54 am to Epic Cajun
Yeah you took that as a serious post
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:55 am to jizzle6609
quote:
As a parent I don’t let love interests sleep at my house but they’re free to go where they want.
I've never thought about this.
I like this.
that's our policy
Posted on 10/9/24 at 9:56 am to boosiebadazz
quote:It is a bit business like. I guess I would prefer to view them as incentives to make better choices that lead to
It certainly makes it transactional and business-like. And when she is financially independent, you then wonder why she doesn’t feel the love and affection to come around and visit.
1. Graduating school
2. Waiting until you are 21 to get married and have kids
3. Get a full time job
It was like that with my parents. Very business minded. But they laid it all out on the front end. That their financial assistance came with stipulations and the choice was mine to make.
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