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re: Raising a child in a non religious home with a very religious extended family
Posted on 12/30/14 at 11:46 am to TeddyPadillac
Posted on 12/30/14 at 11:46 am to TeddyPadillac
quote:
I think they should first learn about the religion before deciding it's stupid, like i did.
We will go to church and be catholic. I'm not going to be crazy about it like my mom, and go to church on vacation, or miss a soccer tournament b/c we have to go to church, but we will make it a habit to go to church. When I feel my kids are old enough to make their own decisions, i'll stop going to church, again. And no, i do not think by pretending to be catholic for the next 15 years will make me "believe" again.
Man, I definitely respect the sacrifice you are making in the name of what you think is best for your kids. But, I just don't think I could go through with it. I'd feel like an impostor.
I think the younger generations are much less judgmental than previous generations and hope there will be much less societal pressure to raise your kids as religious. But I have not walked that path yet.
1
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:12 pm to urinetrouble
Everyone around our family is catholic. I don't want them feeling left out or different. and i just think you should grow up following something. I don't think it's common for a kid to grow up not believing and then decide they believe when they get older.
I understand why religion is around, and i understand why people follow it and have faith. The majority of the population of the world throughout time has needed some form of religion.
I don't.
Religion does a lot of good for a lot of people, and i think it's a better way to explain life and death to children. I also think it's a good guide to live by for the most part, Catholicism that is. When they get old enough to start asking questions they can make their own assumptions and ideas on faith.
I hated going to church, and i'm not going to like it now, but i'll revert back to enjoying playing the hit it/wouldn't hit it game during communion. It's also good family time, even though we can't talk for an hour, but you go eat out after as a family, then watch football.
I understand why religion is around, and i understand why people follow it and have faith. The majority of the population of the world throughout time has needed some form of religion.
I don't.
Religion does a lot of good for a lot of people, and i think it's a better way to explain life and death to children. I also think it's a good guide to live by for the most part, Catholicism that is. When they get old enough to start asking questions they can make their own assumptions and ideas on faith.
I hated going to church, and i'm not going to like it now, but i'll revert back to enjoying playing the hit it/wouldn't hit it game during communion. It's also good family time, even though we can't talk for an hour, but you go eat out after as a family, then watch football.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:17 pm to Salmon
quote:
No one in either mine, or my wife's family knows our beliefs, or lack of belief concerning religion. We don't consider it anything that we need to announce or share with anyone, especially family
quote:
but it has started as of this Christmas with my daughter getting a bible, bible story books, and a few other religious items for Christmas from the grandparents.
It seems like you do need to discuss this with your family afterall. I will have that same bridge to cross when I have kids as both of our parents and extended family's are religious. We will be nice about it at first and ask politely that anything having to do with religion not be brought into OUR childs life. If they cant understand that, then it's time to not be nice about it. As my kid grows up and matures, I will tell him/her to read, do his/her own research and come to his own conclusions on whether or not religion is important to him, just as I did.
quote:
I just worry about how confused my daughter is going to be when Mawmaw and Pawpaw tell her all about Jesus and whatnot
She will be confused, and because of the lack of respect your grandparents show, it puts you in an awkward spot where you have to defend yourself.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:23 pm to TeddyPadillac
quote:
we aren't religious, and if it was up to me, i wouldn't go to church for the rest of my life, but i think it would be better if i pretend to be catholic and teach my children that way of life while they are young, and when they get old enough to start asking questions, i'll try to lead them to make their own decisions.
Great idea. Teach your kids to be something they dont believe in because it's convenient.
quote:
When I feel my kids are old enough to make their own decisions, i'll stop going to church, again. And no, i do not think by pretending to be catholic for the next 15 years will make me "believe" again
Why not when you feel your kids are old enough to make their own decisions, they can begin to go to church if they want. Hell, you'll even drop them off. Why would you go to church if you dont have faith?
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:37 pm to dnm3305
quote:
Great idea. Teach your kids to be something they dont believe in because it's convenient.
I can't teach them to believe something they don't believe. They will believe whatever i tell them. they are kids. I'm not talking about 15 year olds, talking about raising a kid from birth to college.
And i'm not doing it out of convenience. It's because i believe that's how they should be raised.
quote:
Why not when you feel your kids are old enough to make their own decisions, they can begin to go to church if they want. Hell, you'll even drop them off. Why would you go to church if you dont have faith?
first off, a kid is not going to go to church by themself. Dad and mom don't go to church, 5 year old johnny ain't going either.
Secondly, as i said before, i'm not some non believer that thinks religion is so stupid it shouldn't exist and all believers are idiots. I respect their decisions and i see the benefits of it. I don't see how a kid growing up not believing will make the decision to believe. Just my opinion. I'd rather them grow up believing and then decide if they want to continue to or not.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:39 pm to TeddyPadillac
quote:
I can't teach them to believe something they don't believe. They will believe whatever i tell them.
How can a person say 2 opposing things back to back like this? haha
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:42 pm to TeddyPadillac
quote:
And i'm not doing it out of convenience. It's because i believe that's how they should be raised.
To believe in something you dont believe in? Ok. Let me ask you something, if the overwhelming majority of people in the country DIDNT have any religious affiliation and it wasnt such the norm and in fact would be against the grain, would you still insist that your kids go to church because "that's how they should be raised"?
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:43 pm to TeddyPadillac
quote:
i'll revert back to enjoying playing the hit it/wouldn't hit it game during communion. It's also good family time
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:43 pm to Hester Carries
quote:
quote:
I can't teach them to believe something they don't believe. They will believe whatever i tell them.
How can a person say 2 opposing things back to back like this? haha
You can rationally agree or disagree with his approach (personally, I'm not sure what to think of it, but he's clearly thought it through quite thoroughly- and I'm going to assume it works for him and his family, so I'm not going to cast judgment one way or the other), but anyone who has had kids should be able to easily figure out the logic of what he's saying there.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:44 pm to Y.A. Tittle
quote:
but anyone who has had kids should be able to easily figure out the logic of what he's saying there.
Yea, the logic is that it's the norm and he doesnt have to have tough conversations with little Jimmy or automatically make him a social outcast amongst friends/family. In other words, it's convenient.
This post was edited on 12/30/14 at 12:45 pm
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:46 pm to urinetrouble
quote:
I have a hard time understanding this. Do your families think you regularly attend church, when you actually don't? Do you lie when religious discussions come up?
No they know we do not attend church. I think they believe we are just confused or still trying to find a church.
I tend to just stay out of religious discussions witj family.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:46 pm to TeddyPadillac
quote:
I don't see how a kid growing up not believing will make the decision to believe. Just my opinion.
I've definitely seen it happen. They make friends at school who are church-going and then start asking to tag along. My wife and her siblings weren't raised in a church-going household, although the parents weren't atheists/agnostics. And she went to church for a while with her school friends. Her brother did the same and he found Jesus and became pretty hard-core about it. My wife, not so much.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:47 pm to dnm3305
quote:
the logic is that it's the norm and he doesnt have to have tough conversations with little Jimmy or automatically make him a social outcast amongst friends/family. In other words, it's convenient.
it's not as much convenient as "not being a selfish a-hole and putting your kid well behind the social curb"
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:49 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:]
putting your kid well behind the social curb
Because if there is one thing Christianity teaches, it is that when you come upon someone with different beliefs than you, you should treat them like a social outcast.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:49 pm to Salmon
quote:
No they know we do not attend church. I think they believe we are just confused or still trying to find a church.
Gotcha. They haven't questioned you at all?
Seems like if your parents were as hardcore about you indicated (i.e. fearing disowning or relationship damage if you told them how you really feel about religion), then they would be more assertive about the issue. I know some people whose parent's would relentlessly grill them about it.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:50 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
it's not as much convenient as "not being a selfish a-hole and putting your kid well behind the social curb"
If your kid cant fit in and have a good social life becuase he doesnt go to church on Sundays, then he doesnt have much of a shot anyway.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:50 pm to Hester Carries
quote:
Because if there is one thing Christianity teaches, it is that when you come upon someone with different beliefs than you, you should treat them like a social outcast.
why even introduce that layer of an issue when it's so simple to avoid it?
hell church/sunday school itself is a great way for kids to meet new friends, which will almost certainly benefit your child
2 hours/week is a small price to pay
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:51 pm to dnm3305
quote:
If your kid cant fit in and have a good social life becuase he doesnt go to church on Sundays, then he doesnt have much of a shot anyway.
that's bullshite, especially in religious areas (where i presume most posters on this board reside)
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:51 pm to dnm3305
quote:
quote:
but anyone who has had kids should be able to easily figure out the logic of what he's saying there.
Yea, the logic is that it's the norm and he doesnt have to have tough conversations with little Jimmy or automatically make him a social outcast amongst friends/family. In other words, it's convenient.
Way to completely miss what I was specifically addressing. People get really angry on these topics. It's fascinating.
Posted on 12/30/14 at 12:52 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
it's not as much convenient as "not being a selfish a-hole and putting your kid well behind the social curb"
I don't get this argument. I know plenty of people of people my age (millenial) raised in non-church going households who didn't have any social issues. I would think that would be even more true with the younger generation.
This post was edited on 12/30/14 at 12:54 pm
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