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re: My MIL opened up a credit card in my wife’s name
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:04 am to Oilfieldbiology
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:04 am to Oilfieldbiology
quote:
It should be go to rehabs and pay it back in full
not sure why you are getting hung up on this. the sisters banding together is to relieve the temporary credit card interest insanity and share the burden collectively while getting mom on her feet to pay them back as she gets better. your high horse is awfully high right now.
2
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:06 am to Newrow
Gambling is crack to older people.
1) She HAS to immediately start a program
2) She HAS to allow one of you to be named on her account
3) She HAS to find an alternative to fill that time
4) She HAS to avoid the friends she gambles with
You may need to get her to agree to let y’all control her money. Contemplate a monthly gambling allowance (100$) She keeps her winnings as additional gambling money , but the allowance acts as a monthly stop loss. If she can’t meet these conditions , the discussion changes to her not seeing her grandchildren.
1) She HAS to immediately start a program
2) She HAS to allow one of you to be named on her account
3) She HAS to find an alternative to fill that time
4) She HAS to avoid the friends she gambles with
You may need to get her to agree to let y’all control her money. Contemplate a monthly gambling allowance (100$) She keeps her winnings as additional gambling money , but the allowance acts as a monthly stop loss. If she can’t meet these conditions , the discussion changes to her not seeing her grandchildren.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:07 am to Newrow
quote:
It’s gambling.
That's a big fact that was omitted.
If you clean up her mess, she will make another one. You will be assisting her in bigger problems. That will not make your wife happy. You should consider backing your wife. I assume this gambling problem didn't just come up with this credit card. Your wife may have tired of her mother not getting help.
Sometimes, you have to bail on people who won't help themselves. Get that debt in her name. Do what you need to do to clean up your wife's credit, whatever that is. You can't worry about the mil. You have to worry about your wife.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:07 am to Nguyener
quote:i think youd be surprised at how difficult stuff like this could be for some people
And you want to tell her it’s no big deal, pay it off for her, and then explain to you’re wife that she shouldn’t be mad?
i know one of my uncles did some really shady shite to my grandmother to get like, a 200k loan and the rest of my family never got more than kinda annoyed at him for it
it can be difficult to get upset at family for some people
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:07 am to Newrow
Is she remorseful or just apologetic? Big difference between being sorry and being sorry she got caught.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:08 am to MMauler
quote:
The woman said all the right things. She swore she would never gamble again and realized how it ruined her life.
Your friend also trusted the person... drug addicts get tested. I would imagine in OP's case, the MIL's banking (and maybe even whereabouts) gets monitored.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:08 am to Chad504boy
quote:
getting mom on her feet
But MIL works - sounds like she has an ok job
I also think she should be held responsible for the debt
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:09 am to tWildcat
quote:
Is she remorseful or just apologetic? Big difference between being sorry and being sorry she got caught.
Addicts are good at convincing people they are remorseful. She needs a wake up call.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:09 am to GreenRockTiger
Another question for the OP, and maybe I just missed the answer, but is your father-in-law still alive and still married to your mother-in-law? If yes on those, is he aware of this?
This post was edited on 5/21/21 at 11:12 am
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:11 am to Newrow
quote:
It’s gambling. Didn’t want to come out with it because OT might be able to figure out who I am or my family.
It’s not going to stop if you play nice and act like this isn’t a big deal. She needs help and you need to hold her accountable.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:12 am to BluegrassBelle
Twist
She pulled all that money out, invested in dogecoin, and is running away with all those profits
She pulled all that money out, invested in dogecoin, and is running away with all those profits
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:13 am to GreenRockTiger
quote:
sounds like she has an ok job
I also think she should be held responsible for the debt
well yeah, not sure how long she'd be employed after OP takes the high horse suggestions of calling cc and report it as fraud.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:16 am to Newrow
quote:
but am I an idiot for trying to keep my MIL and wife at peace?
Given that her own daughter is done with her, yes. What the hell are you trying to piece together? She STOLE from you. She borrowed money and gave you the sole legal obligation to pay it back. And here you are willing to help HER pay YOU back, you beta cuck.
With your peacemaking, you are probably helping build the delusion in her that you felt she was really owed that with the baby sitting so “really, if you think about it, I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:16 am to Newrow
FIL did something similar to my wife, but with student loans. He took out loans in her name that she knew nothing about and didn't find out until the year we got married and filed our first joint tax return. She basically never spoke to him again. He was otherwise a nice man except for the whole destroying her credit and putting a massive federal tax lien on her in her 20's that I essentially had to pay off thing.
Now he is dead and she feels immense guilt over it. I disagree with that, but I would prefer she not feel that way. She is still very sad. She took his death extremely hard which was somewhat of a surprise.
Now he is dead and she feels immense guilt over it. I disagree with that, but I would prefer she not feel that way. She is still very sad. She took his death extremely hard which was somewhat of a surprise.
This post was edited on 5/21/21 at 11:20 am
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:16 am to Oilfieldbiology
quote:If she had a chance in hell to pay it back she wouldnt have made a decision to steal from her grandkids. So you either pay it, or you press charges and try to not pay it due to fraud.
So she’s pays it back/you transfer the debt to her name AND she gets help or the cops are called. No need to ask anyone else to pay anything.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:19 am to Chad504boy
quote:Yeah, she has ruined her own credit, ruined her daughters credit, and is running massive debt up......and your plan is she correct all that, not only live within her means but shite out a surplus that will allow her to pay off all of her debt in a reasonable time? Whether she is employed or not, she isnt paying the money back. The OP can cut the check, or report the fraud. There is no other choices.
well yeah, not sure how long she'd be employed after OP takes the high horse suggestions of calling cc and report it as fraud.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:22 am to tigerfoot
quote:
ruined her daughters credit
my solution pays this off.
quote:
The OP can cut the check
split with the family.
what are you arguing with me? I'm trying to lessen the burden on one of the sisters but more importantly get mom better too while not having her life ruined (just yet).
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:23 am to Volvagia
quote:
Given that her own daughter is done with her, yes. What the hell are you trying to piece together? She STOLE from you. She borrowed money and gave you the sole legal obligation to pay it back. And here you are willing to help HER pay YOU back, you beta cuck.
Life is not so black and white bro.
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:24 am to Chad504boy
quote:
well yeah, not sure how long she'd be employed after OP takes the high horse suggestions of calling cc and report it as fraud.
Why would she be fired? Wouldn’t that be up to the employer?
Posted on 5/21/21 at 11:25 am to Newrow
Did your parents abandon you?
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