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Started By
Message
Miami stripper gives holiday gift to police force.
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:26 pm
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:26 pm
I checked the first 2 pages and did not see it posted.
Miami stripper arrested for self defense squirting on cops
A Florida lap dancer has been arrested in Miami after assaulting five police officers with her vagina and using it as a deadly weapon without the intent to kill.
Britney Simmons, 24, was performing at the Camel Toe strip club when an altercation began between Simmons and several clients at the club.
Miami police were called to intervene and attempted to apprehend Simmons who was highly intoxicated and acting erratically according to the official police report.
Five Miami Police Department officers attempted to place Simmons under arrest but were momentarily indisposed when the lap dancer ejected vaginal fluids towards the officers, temporarily blinding three and injuring two.
“She just spread her legs wide open and started squirting in the cops’ faces, eyes and mouths from a distance of about twelve to fifteen feet,” one eyewitness told reporters, visibly amused by the whole affair.
“Knowing full well that she was exposing the police officers to a number of sexually transmitted diseases and potentially HIV as well, it is considered that she used her vagina with lethal force against the officers” explained Miguel Aguera, spokesman for the Miami Police Department.
Simmons’s attorney, Alan Smith, argued that his client acted in self-defense and used her vagina, not as a deadly weapon, but in the “appropriate boundaries of her working skills and abilities.”
According to current Florida laws and if convicted of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon against five police officers, Simmons could face up to 1,036 years in jail believe legal experts.
In a 2013 court case, another Miami citizen was convicted of armed robbery after threatening a convenient store clerk with his erect and “AIDS-infected penis” and was sentenced to 237 years in jail.
Miami stripper arrested for self defense squirting on cops
A Florida lap dancer has been arrested in Miami after assaulting five police officers with her vagina and using it as a deadly weapon without the intent to kill.
Britney Simmons, 24, was performing at the Camel Toe strip club when an altercation began between Simmons and several clients at the club.
Miami police were called to intervene and attempted to apprehend Simmons who was highly intoxicated and acting erratically according to the official police report.
Five Miami Police Department officers attempted to place Simmons under arrest but were momentarily indisposed when the lap dancer ejected vaginal fluids towards the officers, temporarily blinding three and injuring two.
“She just spread her legs wide open and started squirting in the cops’ faces, eyes and mouths from a distance of about twelve to fifteen feet,” one eyewitness told reporters, visibly amused by the whole affair.
“Knowing full well that she was exposing the police officers to a number of sexually transmitted diseases and potentially HIV as well, it is considered that she used her vagina with lethal force against the officers” explained Miguel Aguera, spokesman for the Miami Police Department.
Simmons’s attorney, Alan Smith, argued that his client acted in self-defense and used her vagina, not as a deadly weapon, but in the “appropriate boundaries of her working skills and abilities.”
According to current Florida laws and if convicted of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon against five police officers, Simmons could face up to 1,036 years in jail believe legal experts.
In a 2013 court case, another Miami citizen was convicted of armed robbery after threatening a convenient store clerk with his erect and “AIDS-infected penis” and was sentenced to 237 years in jail.
35
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:27 pm to SECdragonmaster
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:28 pm to SECdragonmaster
quote:
Five Miami Police Department officers attempted to place Simmons under arrest but were momentarily indisposed when the lap dancer ejected vaginal fluids towards the officers, temporarily blinding three and injuring two.
Sounds like a secret weapon
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:29 pm to tgrbaitn08
Is that her or Amy Poehler?
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:29 pm to SECdragonmaster
She needs to clean up her act.
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:29 pm to BurningHeart
And was this piss or actual "fluids"
The ability to eject fluids on demand without any warm-up is pretty interesting
The ability to eject fluids on demand without any warm-up is pretty interesting
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:29 pm to SECdragonmaster
quote:
She just spread her legs wide open and started squirting in the cops’ faces, eyes and mouths from a distance of about twelve to fifteen feet,” one eyewitness told reporters, visibly amused by the whole affair.
“Knowing full well that she was exposing the police officers to a number of sexually transmitted diseases and potentially HIV as well, it is considered that she used her vagina with lethal force against the officers” explained Miguel Aguera, spokesman for the Miami Police Department.
Simmons’s attorney, Alan Smith, argued that his client acted in self-defense and used her vagina, not as a deadly weapon, but in the “appropriate boundaries of her working skills and abilities.”
This may be the most Florida thing I’ve ever read.
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:29 pm to SECdragonmaster
quote:
She just spread her legs wide open and started squirting in the cops’ faces, eyes and mouths from a distance of about twelve to fifteen feet,” one eyewitness told reporters, visibly amused by the whole affair.
is she a fricking octopus, this is hilarious. 
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:30 pm to SECdragonmaster
quote:
squirting in the cops’ faces, eyes and mouths from a distance of about twelve to fifteen feet
That's impressive. I don't know if I could achieve this distance first thing in the morning.
This post was edited on 12/23/19 at 12:31 pm
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:30 pm to tgrbaitn08
If Bella had a daughter....
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:32 pm to tgrbaitn08
quote:
Leslie Nope
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:32 pm to SECdragonmaster
quote:
Simmons’s attorney, Alan Smith, argued that his client acted in self-defense and used her vagina, not as a deadly weapon, but in the “appropriate boundaries of her working skills and abilities.”
Squirting on demand, impressive
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:33 pm to SECdragonmaster
satire article boooo
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:34 pm to brass2mouth
quote:
Knowing full well that she was exposing the police officers to a number of sexually transmitted diseases and potentially HIV as well, it is considered that she used her vagina with lethal force against the officers” explained Miguel Aguera, spokesman for the Miami Police Department.
Wouldn't this quote be slander? How do they know she has STDs?
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:34 pm to SECdragonmaster
A recreation of the scene
This post was edited on 12/23/19 at 12:36 pm
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:35 pm to SECdragonmaster
quote:
She just spread her legs wide open and started squirting in the cops’ faces, eyes and mouths from a distance of about twelve to fifteen feet,
Is this her?
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:35 pm to SECdragonmaster
quote:
She just spread her legs wide open and started squirting in the cops’ faces, eyes and mouths from a distance of about twelve to fifteen feet,” one eyewitness told reporters, visibly amused by the whole affair.
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:36 pm to DemonKA3268
quote:
Squirting on demand, impressive
Otherwise known as peeing.
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:37 pm to TigrrrDad
Posted on 12/23/19 at 12:37 pm to SECdragonmaster
quote:
2013 court case, another Miami citizen was convicted of armed robbery after threatening a convenient store clerk with his erect and “AIDS-infected penis” and was sentenced to 237 years in jail.
How? How would his aids infected penis harm anyone unless he actually stuck it inside you
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