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re: Marriage over or salvageable?
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:00 am to oldcharlie8
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:00 am to oldcharlie8
Love these threads; just makes me feel extremely lucky to have what I got, for however long it lasts, but I’ve gotten over 30+ years and still going strong
0
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:03 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Appreciate all the tough love I got in this thread. Wife and I had a good talk last night and I think if I put in more work on my end things will get better, not some unattainable "perfect" like my brain thinks they were in the "good ole days", but can be much better than they are now
man i was going to come in here and tell you that you were being a little bitch, but honestly this might be the most refreshing response i have seen in any of these threads in the last 20 years.
congrats on having balls and wanting to make it work
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:07 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
What did she tell you to do to “put in more work” on your end?
As Maximus said in Gladiator when someone asked him what he'd tell his wife if he saw her again in the afterlife... "That is none of your business"
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:10 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
That is none of your business
Then why'd you post here at all? Gtfo
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:11 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Marriage over or salvageable?
Never been married, but I feel like if you're asking this question out loud, you already know the answer.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:13 am to DeSantis_2024
It's called life. Anything you do or get/use won't feel the same as when you first got it. No Shitte. You ARE co-parents. As you mature, you become more like partners getting through life together. Where you're good, she can lean on you for those things. Where she's good, you can lean on her. Some days you'll both feel like they're leaning against you all the time and crushing you. The funny thing is that she can have that same feeling at the same time.
Feelings are fickle. Look at facts and try to not have the urge to be entertained every second of your life. You made 3 kids. Try to keep them from growing up Instamonsters where their whole life depends on an upvote or down vote. Sorry, but you will never feel the way you did when you met your wife again with her. You can be like half the population and go chase that feeling. But you'll end up pretty much on a spiral down into emptiness. Every year you get older... the worse the dating pool is. Sure you'll get all kinds of weird kitties. But they'll all be ruined/damaged baggage kitties who are psychotic after about the 3rd date if you can even make it that long.
Build your life the way you want with the wife you chose and the kids you made. Sit down and be open with her like she's your partner and you're planning where in the hell your lives are going. Then work towards that. Be there for your kids.
Feelings are fickle. Look at facts and try to not have the urge to be entertained every second of your life. You made 3 kids. Try to keep them from growing up Instamonsters where their whole life depends on an upvote or down vote. Sorry, but you will never feel the way you did when you met your wife again with her. You can be like half the population and go chase that feeling. But you'll end up pretty much on a spiral down into emptiness. Every year you get older... the worse the dating pool is. Sure you'll get all kinds of weird kitties. But they'll all be ruined/damaged baggage kitties who are psychotic after about the 3rd date if you can even make it that long.
Build your life the way you want with the wife you chose and the kids you made. Sit down and be open with her like she's your partner and you're planning where in the hell your lives are going. Then work towards that. Be there for your kids.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:17 am to DeSantis_2024
You don't want to know what the dating scene looks like for someone in their mid-30's with 3 young kids.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:20 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Been married almost 10 years, have three young kids and that's definitely taken a huge toll on us. It feels more like we're co-parents now instead of spouses. Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now. We went on an anniversary trip recently, and even when away from the kids for a bit finally, it didn't feel like the "good ole days" earlier in our marriage before kids.
I'm not happy with where our marriage stands but divorce seems like an even worse option between the huge financial hit it would impose on me and the damage it would do to the kids. Thoughts? Those of you that found your marriage in a similar rut, were you able to salvage your marriage and if so how?
No offense, but this is pure bullshite and indicative of why divorce is such a huge problem today. Marriage doesn’t just work on its own. Love doesn’t just happen by accident or magic. You have to choose to love your spouse and you have to choose to make your marriage work. If you just sit back and expect these things to just somehow magically happen you’re wasting your time.
You want to save your marriage? Then you have to choose that you want to be married. And you have to understand love is an action, a willful choice, not an accident. You have to choose to love your wife. Are you willing to do these things? If so, your marriage is salvageable. If not, then it’s doomed. So stop with this wondering if the marriage is salvageable. It’s up to you and whether or not you want it to be salvageable.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:33 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Been married almost 10 years, have three young kids and that's definitely taken a huge toll on us. It feels more like we're co-parents now instead of spouses. Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now. We went on an anniversary trip recently, and even when away from the kids for a bit finally, it didn't feel like the "good ole days" earlier in our marriage before kids.
I'm not happy with where our marriage stands but divorce seems like an even worse option between the huge financial hit it would impose on me and the damage it would do to the kids. Thoughts? Those of you that found your marriage in a similar rut, were you able to salvage your marriage and if so how?
Tell me you are having an affair without telling me you are having an affair....
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:54 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
"good ole days"
Just remember if you divorce, your three children will spend their entire childhood longing for these.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 8:56 am to Animal
What did you think marriage would be? Did you think that it would always stay like it was in your dating stage? Is the grass looking better in single town? Ask your single friends how much harder life is doing what two people once worked together on as a couple. And dating..... LOLOLOL
You have unrealistic expectations of marriage. Maybe you should leave so your wife can find a better option. There is some man out there who is willing to step into your shoes and raise your kids in her house. Just saying.....
You have unrealistic expectations of marriage. Maybe you should leave so your wife can find a better option. There is some man out there who is willing to step into your shoes and raise your kids in her house. Just saying.....
Posted on 11/28/22 at 9:02 am to lsu777
I’m glad OP is seeing the light. Also, OP - do you really want your 3 kids raised by a stepdad? Do you want to pay out the a$$ in child support? When you finally do date again if you divorce, there will be no carefree days like you had with your wife. You have 3 kids and an ex-wife, and are broke. Your new GF will probably have kids as well as at least one babydaddy. Stick it out.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 9:05 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
maybe once a week now.
have you tried the work jerk yet?
Posted on 11/28/22 at 9:15 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
Sex has gone from 2-3 times/week when we first got married to maybe once a week now.
The biggest thing I've learned from marriage is that it's not all about sex. Even if you were having sex 2-3 times a week, and let's be conservative and say that's 30 minutes a piece for a total of an hour and a half. You still have to live with that person for the rest of the week. It sounds cliche, but you have to be best friends with your spouse if it's going to work out. Hell, I even enjoy going to the store with my wife and just hanging out.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 9:15 am to TheeMerryWidow
In my experience marriage doesn’t change a relationship 1% of what having children does.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 9:23 am to DeSantis_2024
Such a unique situation. So sorry for what you are going through.
Now that we got that out of the way.... "Grow up bro". That is life. You and the Mrs. created kids. Kids are messy and a drag on everything. If someone promised you something else, they lied. We cant live in our 20s the rest of our lives.
Now that we got that out of the way.... "Grow up bro". That is life. You and the Mrs. created kids. Kids are messy and a drag on everything. If someone promised you something else, they lied. We cant live in our 20s the rest of our lives.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 9:33 am to DeSantis_2024
quote:
That's the thing, I struggle with some aspects of the parenting like navigating a 4 year old's temper tantrum. She has a different parenting style than me, my style focuses more on discipline while hers is more focused on relating to them and talking it out.
I think we'd be fine without the kids, but the kids are seriously stressing me out and wearing me down and it's affecting the marriage for sure.
You struggle parenting your 4 year old?
I'd suggest that your wife sees that and has lost some respect. One of the ways you woo your wife of 10 years is to be a rock head of the household. I can't imagine what she thinks of you if you are really struggling with the very basics of parenting.
Posted on 11/28/22 at 9:37 am to Darth_Vader
quote:
No offense, but this is pure bullshite and indicative of why divorce is such a huge problem today. Marriage doesn’t just work on its own. Love doesn’t just happen by accident or magic. You have to choose to love your spouse and you have to choose to make your marriage work. If you just sit back and expect these things to just somehow magically happen you’re wasting your time.
You want to save your marriage? Then you have to choose that you want to be married. And you have to understand love is an action, a willful choice, not an accident. You have to choose to love your wife. Are you willing to do these things? If so, your marriage is salvageable. If not, then it’s doomed. So stop with this wondering if the marriage is salvageable. It’s up to you and whether or not you want it to be salvageable.
darth, this is probably the most eloquent, thoughtful, "deep" response i've ever seen you post, in all our years here... and here i thought all you were capable of were model tank and babe threads
Posted on 11/28/22 at 9:45 am to chRxis
quote:
darth, this is probably the most eloquent, thoughtful, "deep" response i've ever seen you post, in all our years here... and here i thought all you were capable of were model tank and babe threads
Thanks. The model threads are indeed mine. In fact the next version of Vader’s Model Desk is underway on my model desk right now. Probably will be a few weeks before it’s ready though. However, the babe threads are from the other Darth.
This post was edited on 11/28/22 at 9:46 am
Posted on 11/28/22 at 9:48 am to DeSantis_2024
quit being a bitch and go to therapy.
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