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re: Is it upsetting to hear that a couple doesn't want children?

Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:04 pm to
Posted by CorporateTiger
Member since Aug 2014
10700 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:04 pm to
I actually helped a friend with that once (I'm an attorney). It was a clusterfrick.
Posted by Sneaky__Sally
Member since Jul 2015
12364 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:04 pm to
I don't know if it bother's them, maybe they just got a bit excited since she was recently pregnant.

But its like getting excited about recommending a good book, movie, whatever to a friend. You want them to enjoy what you are since they are your friends but can occasionally come off as pushy. Really not a big deal, most people with their shite together find having kids to be a highly rewarding and life changing experience. Just forget about it, not that big of a deal.

ETA: I guess i need to go ahead and state that reading a book does not equal having a kid. I thought that would be just a generally accepted principle, but i was mistaken. The above simply an example of why a friend may recommend something to you which you have previously said you are not interested in.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 12:33 pm
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
93541 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:06 pm to
quote:

I actually helped a friend with that once (I'm an attorney). It was a clusterfrick.

I believe you, pots and pans in it self is a clusterfrick, and badly in need of reform
Posted by poops_at_parties
Member since Jan 2016
1545 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:07 pm to
Because as a father, having children is the best thing I've ever experienced. It's an entirely new life that I didn't know existed before. Do you sacrifice some things? Absolutely but when it's for your kids, it's not a "sacrifice".
There will be only one type of person at your deathbed - family. Work won't be there, most friends won't be there, and your debit card won't be there. Only family.

Do life right.
Posted by ctiger69
Member since May 2005
31030 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:08 pm to
Marriage is about starting a family. Man and woman create life. One of my friends said he did not want to have kids because he said he was to selfish. He said he did not want to waste time on them or care for kids. Said he just wanted to worrry about himself and travel/drink. So I said a child does not deserve a chance at a life because you would rather travel and drink. He said yep. He should not have gotten married.


Some people just have that mentality. You can't changed them nor should you. They will end up being one of those people obsessed with there nieces and nephews at family events/special occasions and it will be awkward for everyone as they try to fill this strange void they have in their caring heart. They will end up dying alone or if they are lucky have their spouse at their bedside when death is near. Nobody will truly miss them except for their old spouse if their mind is right and aren't to busy hanging out with your new replacement. It truly is sad and depressing for these people. Nothing can replace the love a child has for his parents. Nothing.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 1:48 pm
Posted by DavidTheGnome
Monroe
Member since Apr 2015
31596 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:09 pm to
I can see why a parent of that couple would be upset because they want grandkids, other than that I don't understand why anyone would bother having an opinion on it at all. If anything there's plenty of people out there that I'd rather they not reproduce.
Posted by sandraccoon
In the middle of nowhere
Member since Apr 2013
1545 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:09 pm to
Having kids is a very fulfilling experience that I would "recommend" to any married couple that can financially support them.

Before having kids, I constantly got the BS pressure from other couples with children and have come to the conclusion.... they are jealous that they are strapped down to the duties of being a parent while you are currently doing whatever in the frick it is that you would like to do lol. I actually got to the point where I would tell everyone that asked about us having children that "we are currently enjoying and doing whatever in the frick it is that we want to do and that when we get to a point where we don't want to do whatever in the frick it is that we want to do, we will explore the option" ANDDD that usually shut them up
Posted by jrodLSUke
Premium
Member since Jan 2011
26535 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:09 pm to
quote:

I had a couple try to talk my fiance and me into having kids

I support your decision NOT to procreate 100%.
Posted by Saskwatch
Member since Feb 2016
18363 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:11 pm to
quote:

The woman 30 and just got pregnant


That couple has realized that for the forseeable future the only friends that they will spend quality time with are others with like aged kids. They want to rope you in so they have friends that they already like. I wouldn't take any advice about having kids from them due to the fact that they have no actual experience with it.

IYAM It's pretty shitty and selfish to push parenthood on friends.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 12:14 pm
Posted by LordSaintly
Member since Dec 2005
43342 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:11 pm to
quote:

One of my friends said he did not want to have kids because he said he was to selfish. He said he did not want to waste time on them or care for kids. Said he just wanted to worrry about himself and travel/drink. So I said somebody a child does not deserve a chance at a life because you would rather travel and drink.


Props to him for recognizing that he isn't ready for kids. If he's not ready for the challenge, then he shouldn't be pressured into because society says so.
Posted by Ronaldo Burgundiaz
NWA
Member since Jan 2012
6795 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:11 pm to
Posted by Athis
I AM Charlie Kirk....
Member since Aug 2016
16906 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:11 pm to
I guess they want you to be as miserable as they are..

I had just moved in my house and the couple across the street come marching over for a welcome to the neighborhood talk. The guy asked if I had any kids and when I said no he got this look on his face like I was just kicking puppies."What no kids..WHY!" he actually said WHY! I said point blank I don't want kids. He and his wife kept the kicking puppies look on their face.
Posted by PaperPaintball92
Fly Navy
Member since Aug 2010
5330 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:13 pm to
quote:

we didn't see it working given our careers and that it wouldn't be fair to the child,


Your way of thinking is much better than people who just pump out children because they follow instinct.
Posted by CelticDog
Member since Apr 2015
42867 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:13 pm to

Low IQ explains so much.

Similarly, an incapacity to empathize with others is all too common. Compassion requires a kind of spiritual maturity.

Last and never least, people want their life decisions validated by peers.
Posted by ctiger69
Member since May 2005
31030 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:13 pm to
quote:

Props to him for recognizing that he isn't ready for kids. If he's not ready for the challenge, then he shouldn't be pressured into because society says so.




He is 40 years old. Been married for 20+ years. I feel bad for him. I really do. He wanted to help coach a young youth team and I had to tell him that only parents of kids on the team could help out. He looked devastated. He acts depressed and I think it's because he is alone and never moved on to the next chapter of his life.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 12:19 pm
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
122527 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:14 pm to
People are raised with certain expectations. People who come from traditional families are expected to get married by a certain point in their life and then soon after they are expected to have kids. Since they were taught that is how "good people" live, in general, they will frown on people who doesn't have the same model of life as they do.

With that said, I always wonder how many people are living a certain life, not because they want to, but because it is expected of them. As for as I am concerned, people should live a life that they feel is best for them. I don't care if someone decides to stay single the rest of their life, if they decide to get married and have no kids, if they are swingers or have some nontraditional sex life, etc, etc, etc. It isn't my place or anyone else's place to judge them. People will, but frick them.
Posted by CorporateTiger
Member since Aug 2014
10700 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:15 pm to
Lol. Guy is happy, why do you think you know what is better for him than he does?
Posted by cas4t
Member since Jan 2010
72195 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:15 pm to
quote:

I'm not sure that I 100% feel this way but I'm really starting to wonder more and more, why get married if you're not planning on having kids?



google this exact sentence.

Posted by el Gaucho
He/They
Member since Dec 2010
60140 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:15 pm to
Trust me, your fiancé wants kids and she'll have them even if they're not yours
Posted by KG6
Member since Aug 2009
10920 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 12:16 pm to
quote:

I will say that the people who continue without kids (by choice) and don't ultimately change their position often aren't the nicest or most likable people, on average.


Not trying to throw a blanket statement out there, but it's kind of the stereotype. I know several who would "never" have kids, but eventually did and are great parents. The ones who are just hardcore, stick to their guns, never gonna have kids types come off as selfish/narcissistic. If you can't have your life bothered enough to have a kid (which many believe to be an amazing experience for yourself anyway), then you probably put yourself first in every situation possible, which makes you a miserable person to be around.

Obviously that's not true in every case.

It's easy to have a well rounded life enjoying your hobbies while still having kids.
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